I felt very awkward today

[brooksea]

I took my son to an open house at a new school. Sitting in the auditorium, I noticed lots of fathers with their sons. One in particular was three rows down and hugging his son. My son became very agitated as the speaker enthusiastically went on about fundraisers. I was upset with him because he kept whispering loudly in my ear asking when the presentation would be over. (I realized why he was upset as I thought about everything on the way home. He wished he had a daddy to hug him and share the moment.)

We then climbed the steps to the middle school area and I just had to keep myself from crying. All I could think about was how much my husband would have loved to see this. I could just envision him walking and then talking to everyone. He would've been so proud. He also would have left an unforgettable impression on every one he met.

This is so hard! I need to get over myself! Where are my big girl panties?

 

[panguinjen]

CJ

Big girl panties aren't needed right now... Drying your tears! Your husband is watching and smiling down on you both, he's there with you! You are a great Mom! Hugs and hugs and hugs!

Jen

 

[Miss]

Funny, CJ, I found myself in tears over the same type of things today. I guess it all started when I opened up the school directory, and Daniel only had one parent listed. Broke my heart. As I looked at the long list of senior activities, I started trying to figure out which uncle would take him to the father/son events. It's just so, so hard.

My thoughts are with you.

 

[cervus]

I felt that way today too. Very awkward at a fundraising event I went to. It is hard and seems more difficult all the time now. My thoughts are with you CJ and Missy.

 

[WellsRuby]

I'm so sorry that you all have to deal with this everyday with your young children. As Jen said, your love ones are looking down on you and giving you courage to face each day and they are proud of what they see. Lots of hugs.

 

[ottawa girl]

CJ - your post touched me to the core - I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through.... must be so hard to navigate each day in your solo dual role of Mom & Dad. And yet you persevere in giving so much of yourself to us on this forum. I really want to offer you something in return and which would ease your pain; I can only give you my gratitude and sincere prayer for an early healing of your broken heart.

 

[Katie C]

CJ..it's ok to cry. It's ok for your son to see you cry because that helps it be ok for him to cry too. You've both been through a lot. You are still learning the boundries of your new normal. Please give both of you permission to feel those feelings so you can deal with them.

 

[lpcarr]

Ottawa girl said it all CJ, you give so much to this forum. My husband has been diagnosis three years ago. He is now 62. Our three daughters are grown and still so awful with our grandchildren. I can't imagine how it must be with younger children babies thru high school. Blessing to those pals and cals with smaller children.

 

[sadiemae]

What Jen said. No big girl panties needed.

 

[notgivnup]

All the above, We love you CJ, you are still grieving the loss of the love of your life. Cry, cry, cry, I will be holding your hand and {{{Hugging You}}}
Praying for Peace and Comfort to wrap you in a warm blanket of Love.

 

[brooksea]

Thanks y'all! I am so very happy that my son had such a good day at his new school! He actually told me he couldn't wait to go to school on Monday! What!?!

I promised my husband from the very beginning that I would enroll our son in this school. I have no doubt that there was a purpose for ALL of this happening.

My son's attitude has been transformed! If a half a day of school could turn him into such a respectful young man, I can't wait for the rest of the school year! His anger seems to have melted a bit.

He was so very talkative about how nice everyone was. I was happy to see school staff smiling and waving during carpool! I can't tell you what this all means to me!

I always told myself something good would come out of the journey we have taken. My son wants to learn sign language (he's been nagging me). Of course, this really can't help pALS much, but in his mind it is about helping others speak because his daddy couldn't I reckon!

 

[notgivnup]

So Happy to hear the GOOD NEWS for you and your son! Love Ya!

 

[Toto's Dorothy]

CJ,

I can't add anything to the above posts. Just knowing you're doing so well on your new path, makes me feel good inside.

 

[momap53]

You are doing a great job CJ!

 

[Barbie]

CJ--you know middle school is such a tough age and place for kids. Try to remember that even if his dad was around, he would still have problems and sadness and awkwardness. I think he is very lucky to have a great mom like you and his dad watching over him from above. The new school sounds great too! Do the guidance counselors and teachers know that he recently lost his dad?

Good luck! ( I am so glad my kids are done with middle school )