Grief Support Group

[Georgia Peach]

This week I attended my first Hospice Support Group meeting. It took a lot of courage for me to walk into the facility even though he had never spent one evening there. We had home based hospice care for one day before he passed and I was not impressed with the nurse who came to us after his death. No compassion whatsoever.

The one thing that each one of us in the meeting had in common was that we were each the primary caregiver for our loved one. I never realized how hard it was for anyone to handle that role and continue their life afterwards. I don't know if I will go back because it was hard talking about my spouse with strangers and like in so many groups some people dominate the conversation and take up all the time talking about their situation.

I have so many good days I don't know why this experience at the meeting left me depressed.

 

[HelenL]

some people hurt more openly and some more quietly... I hope you continue to go and hope that it helps you through. If not, keep having those good days doing something that you love!

 

[cervus]

I'm glad you tried it. Is it a bereavement group for people who have lost loved ones to ALS or is it a generalized group? I went to a few ALS bereavement group sessions and found it helpful knowing that we all had ALS in common. SO happy to know you have lots of good days. Yasmin.

 

[Georgia Peach]

The only thing we had in common was Hospice, the loss of our loved one and the grief we all share.

 

[panguinjen]

Because they are all depressed and in differing stages of grief...you may be past where they are?

Jen

 

[Barbie]

Have you thought about some private grief therapy? I don't know if I could deal with a group, especially when everyone is at different stages. I am glad you are working on things...

 

[brooksea]

Frankly, I don't think anyone can understand what we have been through, unless they have lived it. It's just not the same.

Hang in there and don't beat yourself up over not feeling right about the hospice group.

 

[mj95]

I have been suggesting that my mom go to a grief support group. She didn't want to go to an ALS group which is fine. She will attend a group at hospice. My dad was there a day and passed away. I only suggested that my mom go to a support group because I don't know what to say. I don't know how she feels. No one could understand completely unless they have walked in those shoes. My mom's first meeting just so happens to be on her wedding anniversary. I hope my mom is able to find some comfort and understanding at that group.

I hope that you find someone to confide in and share with. I hope you have many more good days.

 

[WellsRuby]

Barbie may be right about private therapy. It might be worth a try instead of a group session. I have a real good friend that is there for me.

 

[sadiemae]

And remember, We are all here for you. I do not know about other caregivers of terminally ill spouse, But l know it seems that so many of us CALS are very isolated. I rarely talk with other people except those involved in his care. I have not been to support groups, as Les did not want to go. I get my support here, and I know I would feel very depressed and
maybe a little uncomfortable meeting with strangers. I would lean on my friends here. I know it is not healthy to be as isolated as a lot of us are, but it is not our fault people have stopped coming around. Just remember, We are here for you any time.

 

[panguinjen]

Sadie is right, we do get isolated as others don't understand. I see a therapist on my own to make sure I don't lose it completely...

Jen

 

[WellsRuby]

Sadiemae is right. I come here everyday for the strength and comfort I get from here.

 

[sadiemae]

If anyone is interested a friend on F B has started a new group for widow's and widower's of PALS. PM me for more info.

 

[Iloveocean]

I find that the only person who understands what I am talking about is my friend who is also a mother of five children. Three of them have severe special needs. Figures. Other than that I just end up getting vexed at people who simply cannot go where I have been. I did try to go to a bereavement group but the counselor did not know what to do with me. She was used to people breaking down and I was not doing that. How do you relate after you have seen your husband in constant pain and feeling like he was drowning for fourteen years? There are parts of me that nobody can relate to outside of people who have walked in my shoes.

 

[Georgia Peach]

I wanted to give you all an update. For over a year, I have been talking with a Stephen's Minister from my church. (A lay person who has been trained to work with church members). Each Stephen Minister meets with his or her care receiver for about an hour a week to provide one-to-one, Christ-centered care and support.

Stephen Ministers care for people inside and outside the congregation, including those experiencing grief, divorce, job loss, terminal illness, loneliness, spiritual crisis, hospitalization, relocation, and other life difficulties. Men are matched with men, women with women. Caring relationships last for as long as the person needs this level of care.

So, I do continue to work with my life before and after ALS. The loneliness and the loss of our life together still is difficult to face but I try to stay busy and work through these feelings.