5 months

[brooksea]

I haven't been able to take a shower in the master bath that was modified since DaddyO passed away. I bought shower curtains, just because I like the privacy. I've had the curtains for a month. Tomorrow I will shower in my bathroom. Seems silly to you maybe, but not to me.

I've got to force myself to use this bathroom. I hate ALS! It haunts you after it has done all it can do torture you!

 

[cervus]

It's not at all silly, CJ. You have the right to feel what you do and with great reason. I've had the worst couple of days. 45 weeks today. Doesn't get better does it? So sorry you're hurting. It does torture. You're right. Have that shower - you might feel empowered by it afterwards. One little step at a time. Little but so great. Yasmin.

 

[Miss]

Thinking of you.

 

[Pandora]

thinking of you, hope you can do this for yourself. If you can do this, it may give me the strength to unpack and maybe sleep under his blanket. The very same blanket that we bought the night we got married, and slept under every night since, well until "That night." I hope you can do it, cuz I just need to know that I am not the only one avoiding "silly" things and daring myself to take that next step. Good vibes and thoughts going your way.
- Pandora

 

[Jason's Dream]

*hugs*

Not silly to me at all. Been 33 weeks, and I still can't throw the damn urinals sitting on the back of the toilet away. Logically, I know they should go... just can't do it. Dumb, I know.

You're not alone.

*hugs*

 

[notgivnup]

CJ, I am so sorry your heart is hurting so. I have no sage advise to give but I send my Prayers up for you to meet all your needs and for comfort to your hurting heart. I Love you {{BIG HUG}}

 

[scotslassie]

Thank you for posting. My aunt's jacket and shoes are still in our boot room, I can't bring myself to put them away. At first it gave me a fright when I walked in, the way the jacket is hung looks like she is standing there, now I say "Hi Margaret" when I pass. Your shower problem is not silly at all........I should know.......I talk to jackets. Thinking of you, take care.

 

[judyroyalglenn]

Some people take baby steps a little faster than others. After Mom passed away, I did not know how I would react to sleeping in the same room, but it does not bother me She passed away from ALS seven years ago and just a couple of weeks ago I gave away one of her dresses to a women's and kid's shelter. I knew someone else would need it more than me still clinging to it because it was hers, knowing I'll never wear it. But some things I will always keep, even silly little things like the last straw she used or other personal itmes.

I am sorry for all the pain and grieving ALS has caused everyone here. I think about you and want the best for you! I wish I could take away your pain. I want to encourage you to press forward; take baby steps if you have to. Make a small dim of light each day. It's not going to be easy, but you can do it. Jesus was there to help me through. I don't know what I would have done without HIM. Much love and thinking of you ~ Judy

 

[joni51]

CJ they are right, baby steps, I would not let anyone touch the last blanket Butch had over him when he passed, and I also saved his toothbrush and other little personal things. Love you girl!

 

[momap53]

God bless you, CJ. These "little" things are not silly. You just have to go at your own pace, one small step at a time.

 

[st123]

Thinking of you CJ. Thanks for sharing here. It helps everyone a bit (or maybe a lot ). Hope that using the shower is a little less traumatic each time, though I'm sure you're always thinking of him. Just hoping the thoughts can be more good than bad someday.

 

[brooksea]

Well, I was able to do it. Made me sad and when I reached for the soap I realized his skin was the last to be touched by that bar, so I left it alone out of respect to his memory. Now, that seems really silly! One step at a time is right...

 

[CathyP]

CJ.....so proud of you! My FIL passed away from Leukemia 3 years ago. Within the week after he passed my MIL gave away all his clothes which surprised me. They had been married 56 years. But, to this day she does not sleep in "their' bedroom. She sleeps in the living room in a recliner. Every one has there own special items and memories of a deceased loved one. The soap is not silly at all.

 

[momap53]

Way to go CJ!

My Mom left her master bedroom and bathroom behind when my Dad died 26 years ago. She said that when she woke up during the night she would still "see" him there, headed for the John.(He had prostate CA) She slept in my old bedroom and used the hall bathroom until she moved out of that house almost 20 years later. She was comfortable with her decision and slept well at night.
We just have to do whatever is best for ourselves and our families and at our own speed.

 

[Toto's Dorothy]

CJ,

I am so proud of you. Nothing silly in any of it. Keep the bar of soap. Dry it and maybe one day you and your son ould carve something special to be displayed.

When my grandfather passed, his chair was left in the same place for 20 years or so. NO ONE ever sat in it. It was his. I remember coming to visit my grandmother one day and heard her talking. She had pulled up a chair a long side of his and was working the crossword puzzle with him. They had been married over 60 years. Silly? No, sweet that she still felt him there.