Old 06-08-2012, 01:23 AM #1 (permalink)
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Default Trust

I'm looking for it. Can't find it. I was so betrayed when my husband passed that I had nightmare upon nightmare. I've tried to deal with overcoming the betrayal.

Good Lord! I tried to reach out and make a new friend and it turns out the "friend" is a fake, a thug, a nutcase. She has lied to me about everything and she is new in the neighborhood. How could I be so naive?!? What a clever woman she is to play on my vulnerability.

Guess I will go back to being the cold hearted *****... I have to protect my son.

Be careful. There are people that will try to latch onto you when your loved one passes. It won't necessarily be a money thing, either.
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Old 06-08-2012, 01:41 AM #2 (permalink)
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Yep! It's sad. It is like people can read we are easy prey. Shame on them, its THEIR fault. I think We as caregivers have such big hearts, we have the need to continue to help. I have been just staying to myself and not making any new friends, I have become the strange lady that moved in next door, and ya know.... that's ok with me.
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Old 06-08-2012, 01:45 AM #3 (permalink)
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So sorry CJ. I know it hurts when someone takes advantage of you. I like you just the way you are! I will try to Call tomorrow. We can share crazy people stories. HUGS
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Old 06-08-2012, 11:57 AM #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Trust

CJ, I don't consider it being a cold hearted *****. After having to put a protective mechanism of isolation--for lack of a better word--around myself for so long, I've become extremely wary of people. I agree with Pandora, about big hearts and all; we are easy targets by our very nature. I used to believe that most people were good at heart, even if they had to dig deep. But that's not the reality out there. As for myself, being burned by family, and those I considered close friends, has caused me to pass on any "new" relationships that involve trust. I'm still trying to find some redemption in the "old" ones. I wish I could say something to the effect like, "you will find people in your future who are more like you; that you'll experience relationships in the future, where you share common personality traits". For now, I'm fine with being the "strange lady" next door too. I've always been too naive, so I guess I'm really erring on the side of caution these days.

It's a shame that forum members are so far away from each other. I feel as though I could go visit many of the people on here, and would have instant reciprocal, new best friends in an instant. I was not able to attend ALSA support groups, as they were held on days when I was always caring for my mom (yep, couldn't even get one of my wonderful family members, to take over for a measly two hours). But I'll bet, if I had been able to attend on a regular basis, I would now have some very special, local people in my life. I might still give that a try.

BTW, I don't think this was a case of naivete on your part, this woman does sound like a true blue nutcase. Clever? IDK about that--she sounds like a deviant, creep of a person. Hopefully, she didn't cause any permanent damage. Please don't let one bad experience, keep you from carefully putting yourself out there. Keep hope, and faith alive. For those of us who have had bad experiences, I think when we least expect it, you will--we all will--find humanity once again. TRUST is number one on my list for ALL of my relationships. It's the foundation. Without it, there is nothing. I have to believe, that for every person (or two, three, or four), we've found that has no integrity, there's got to be one out there that does.

From everything I've been able to learn about you in the past three years, anyone would consider themselves lucky to have you as a friend. I hope to some day be in the position to travel around this United States, maybe even Canada too. I'd love to have the opportunity, and honor to meet some of the fine people who helped me so much along the way. I received answers, support, strength, courage, compassion, clarity, shoulders to cry on, and much laughter too. You personally, exemplified the strength and courage I speak of, even when you were not always "feelin' it". Many of your posts had me laughing out loud, 'til tears sprung from my eyes! I'm sure my mom thought I was nuts a few times, quietly sitting in front of my computer--and out of the blue I'd be LMAO!

Keep your chin up CJ. I just know there are more people like you out there, and you WILL meet them along the way as you go forward.

Laura
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Old 06-08-2012, 05:52 PM #5 (permalink)
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I would think it would be an honor to be your friend CJ
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Old 06-08-2012, 08:16 PM #6 (permalink)
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It is an honor!
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Old 06-08-2012, 08:46 PM #7 (permalink)
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Love you CJ, you are one of the bravest, sweetest people I know
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Old 06-08-2012, 10:07 PM #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Trust

So sorry you've been betrayed. you've been a tremendous help to me over the past 6 months (even though you haven't heard from me often). I pray you will 'try again' to trust one day and that someone trustworthy will be put in your path.
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Old 06-08-2012, 10:36 PM #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Trust

CJ,
I'm sorry! Finding friends is hard and you would be a great friend to have! Take it slow.. You will find one to trust after time. You are rediscovering who you are now, hopefully realizing that you are a stronger person than before which means your friendships will be different. You have life experiences that most your age won't experience for a long while. You will get there...

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Old 06-08-2012, 11:47 PM #10 (permalink)
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I have been betrayed so many times, I cannot begin to count. But, it is worth the continued effort. Once in awhile, someone wonderful comes along. Look at all of the amazing people we have found here!
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Old 06-09-2012, 09:01 AM #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Trust

Ultimately, the people who betray you are not worth the feelings you're having about them. They'll probably do it again and again to people and never have a clue.

Having said that, it's ok to feel hurt by someone you thought was a friend... but don't let that stop you from being yourself, don't let them determine who you are. We've all been hurt, and we all will again... it's just so raw right now with all you've been through. But you'll work through it and you're a wonderful person.

Hang in there my friend.
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Old 06-09-2012, 07:34 PM #12 (permalink)
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I hope you consider me a friend and I would love to hear from you anytime.
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Old 06-10-2012, 01:36 AM #13 (permalink)
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Sorry you had to experience that, CJ.
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