Grief and Physical Symptoms?

[brooksea]

I can't even sit and watch the news without having a nervous feeling completely take over. What? It's not a full blown anxiety attack, but very close to it and really irritating.

I'm just trying to resume some normal in my life and I can't seem to get there.

I can't seem to get to bed at a decent hour and if I do, I can't sleep. I just thrash around and think about the "what if's" or the "why didn't I's."

Maybe I need a trip to Tibet.

 

[Pandora]

I know the feeling. It happens to me all the time. It also happens when I am doing teh thing we used to do together, or when i catch myself having fun, and then the guilt sets in. I messed up. So your not alone.

 

[Jason's Dream]

Totally understand hon. I can't sleep. Been prescribed drugs, and still.. can't sleep. My mind won't shut up, and it goes inbetween figuring out what I got to get done tomorrow, talking to Jason about how much I miss him and how he wouldn't/couldn't understand how much this incredibly hurts, apologizing him for failing him because I can't seem to get my act in gear and take care of our kids as well as I know he would wish I would do. Memories of times before with him, and unbidden tears sliding down the sides of my face. If sleep actually wins and overtakes me, I usually dream about him... some are good dreams, most are nightmares.. and some are of his funeral again.

I hate this all!

*hugs*

 

[Georgia Peach]

Sometimes I get paralyzed when I'm grocery shopping and I start to pick up his favorite foods that he could still eat and then I remember that I don't even like whatever it was and I'm certainly not going to buy it.

He got a workman's comp payoff letter on Friday and I don't know how to handle it.

Everything seems so much more difficult than I ever thought it would be and I miss him so very much.

Love to all of you. Who would have ever thought we would all be widows...I hate that word.

It made me sad yesterday when I got a new insurance id and his name was removed.

Take care of yourselves.

 

[joni51]

So sorry things are so hard for all you ladies..Hugs to you all!

 

[EGBAR]

I totally feel for you ladies. All you have been through, what my wife is going through now. I have always said and will always say it is easier on this side, knowing that if my wife had ALS I would be devastated in how to deal with it. I also know how I feel on this side, that when the time does come for me to go, I want her to be free of this too. I know that there is no way you can let go. How could you? I am not sure what is on the other side, and I am not what you call a believer, but i do think that there is something beyond this physical life, and I will wait for my wife and I pray it takes a 100 years. In that time I want her to have a full fulfilling happy and healthy life.

I cant do anything for your anxiety, and restlessness, I don't want to lecture as probably so many people outside o this disease probably have, we hear them too. Just telling you my thoughts on this.

Perhaps the four of you ladies should schedule a cruise, or trip with each other, connect, laugh cry, grief but then rejoice in the new friendship and try to move forward, not on. just a thought . I have thought of pre-purchasing my wife a cruise with my kid if that is possible.

OK just some random thoughts from Egbar, please don't take this the wrong way, God knows you have earned your wings as my wife is earning hers. I know each and everyone of your husbands could never thank you enough.

 

[pepsiman]

It was nine months before I got a decent nights sleep. It took a year and a half before regular sleep patterns returned (and even now I frequently wake up at unexpected times). I had a lower backache that started the day she was diagnosed and only stopped at about the two year anniversary of her death. There's no rushing grief and from this point of view I think that's probably for the best. Still sucks though.

Big hugs,
Dick

 

[cervus]

I know what you're saying, CJ. Isn't this part of grieving? It's so hard. Ugh. It's horrible. Sorry you're feeling this way. I am too. Yasmin.

 

[Jason's Dream]

Thank you Egbar and Dick for your kind, warm-hearted comments and encouragement. I don't know about anyone else here, but I appreciate them. I also like your suggestion Egbar and would be game to meet up with you ladies (kids in tow) somewhere, if y'all wanted to. Still searching on my grief journey for ways to heal me and some how go on, even though I just long to be by Jason's side and have no desire to take one breath more without him. *hugs* and much love to each one of you.

 

[brooksea]

EGBAR, what a wonderful idea you have about the cruise. I know they would be honored to know you gave that to them.

 

[Tom's Support]

Sleepless in Leaskdale, yep. Still taking Ativan to 'calm the nerves'. I still do not like to come home, and when I do I stay outside. Somehow cutting the grass (Tom's job) is like connecting with him, and allowing the buzz in my head to be no more than the buzz of the lawnmower just feels right. Making his shade garden beautiful has always been and still is my pleasure, even though he is only there as ashes.
Planning out the trips it will take to take some of his ashes to the hunt camps he loved is more difficult than I thought it would be.
I am hoping that once this is done I will,....grieve maybe?
Losing Tom on April 25 and then my sister, Sherri on April 27 has just been one big blurry loss. People ask how I am doing and I can only say it hasn't hit me yet.
The kids say they are fine and I hope that the mask I wear will someday be really me, but for now numb is ok. Sleepless not so good, and *****y? Ya that really is an emotion I live with. My lawyer says there are 5 steps to grieving and my girlfriend thinks *****y/anger is step 4 so I truly hope I am almost there.
CJ, do you have any worries or stresses other than learning to live alone?
I am getting a pen and paper to write down what it is that I am worried about and then I am going to do an assessment (with a friend) to help me figure out what is real and what I am putting on myself.
Then I will get help to figure out the best solution for what is real.
At least if I am active in this process my hope is to make the fears smaller and maybe even disappear.
Planning out a January vacation -- something my family has NEVER done so that there are no memories attached yet is what we are doing to move forward.
Sadly the new memories are without Tom, but they are also without ALS.
That is a catch 22, but it is all we've got right now.
Loving you from Leaskdale,
Juliette

 

[Anastasia]

Oh yes ,how I identify with the feelings you are all mentioning.When I am able to fall asleep Ijump in my sleep as though something is wrong and on waking my heart races as I remember what weve all been through and the loved Ed we have said goodbye to.Yes ,I remind myself,it is over and yet it is not.The grief process has no time measurement as we know.Ifeel for you all in your grief....we can however know our loved ones are free.Anastasia.