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Jason's Dream

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As Usual
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On My Own
Okay, thought it would be theraputic to list all the things we hate. Like what people say to us, how we are treated, ,... everything!


I'll start:


I HATE:



1.) When someone says they understand. How could they possible UNDERSTAND? Especially when I don't UNDERSTAND!

2.) When someone tells me "Don't be like that". I love how everyone seems to be expert in how I should grief when they have not lost thier sweetheart at such a young age and the father of thier 2 small children.

3.) When people promise things and then don't deliver.

4.) When people make plans with you, and then "something comes up".

5.) "He's in a better place."

6.) Bullying me into "getting back into the swing of things".

7.) People stealing from the dead, or the terminally ill.

8.) People wanting to pay thier condolences now. - Thats what the viewing/funeral was for.

9.) People wanting to "cheer me up" by thier ("he's in a better place" blah blah blah) platitudes when I am just wanting to be out and shopping.

10.) How little Social Security values the life of our dear loved ones.

11.) Someone telling you, your spouse wouldn't want you to be like this... Really? Like you knew my spouse? .. Like I knew him?... I lived and breathed together with him for the past 8 years... what makes you an expert on my spouse?

12.) People putting my sweetheart on a pedestal, when he was just human.

13.) People saying I am strong and amazing... when I am not strong, not amazing, not doing okay.. am crumbling here, but they don't take the time to see and be there for me...

... I'll write more later.

What are yours?
 
I really hate, when my friend was reading a motivation book for burn out syndrome and then tried to help me with motivation phrases.
Oh god, it is so different, we are fighting for every hour of life, especially for happy hour, it is so strong natural desire to live and I'm attacked from bare phrases. The phrases assigned to earn money for authors.
 
my job

In-laws that don't listen

what ALS did to my husband
 
I hate it when people say he's not suffering anymore.
He wasnt suffering. Did he have ALS? Yes.
But he chose not to suffer. And he didnt.

I hate it when people dont recognize true love

I hate it when people who abandoned him, came back after his death, and made all the decisions about everything, without even asking me what he wanted. They assumed it was what I wanted, not what he wanted. Nothing got done how he wanted it. NOTHING

I hate when people place the blame of the death investigation on me. I didnt do it. I wasnt even there. She did that all on her own.

I hate that I almost fit into my wedding dress now

I hate having so much hate in me.
 
I hate it when people say he's not suffering anymore.
He wasnt suffering. Did he have ALS? Yes.
But he chose not to suffer. And he didnt.

That is what I hate, too. Terry was not suffering. He was content with his life (it shocked him that he was, but he was). We had our routine down pat. He was about to get a preemptive trache/vent. Yes, he is in a better place, but he wanted more time in this place. We wanted him to have more time here, too.
 
I've had two out of many friends who said "at least Bob's not suffering anymore". I just politely told them that Bob wasn't suffering and that he was living life and was enjoying being here. He wasn't ready to go. I just out and out said it. One of the people that said it has a son (27) who was severely injured in a motor bike accident in Venezuela many years ago. They were encouraged to take him off life support and they said no. He has come a long way and has great care. He's in a wheelchair and communicates via letter boards, etc. but he's not suffering. It's strange that they, of all people, would say something like that. Their son is thriving in his own way and they are thrilled to have him around still. They're good people - I'm not bad mouthing them but people just don't think sometimes!
 
I hate that my children will grow up without thier father.

I hate that Jason was cheated out of watching them grow up

I hate that my children will more then likely not have any memories of thier father.

I hate that I didn't get to grow old with him and watch our children have kids of thier own.

I hate that I didn't get to have a lifetime with him.

I hate that when it rains, it pours. (Dad was just diagnosed with cancer yesterday and is seeing the surgeon/oncologist today.)

I hate that we didn't, nor have received any financial help from his family, from my family, or our church, and that my credit is shot.

I hate that people haven't stepped in and gotten thier hands mess and tried to help, get involved, or at least tried to find out how I am actually doing.

I hate that people will avoid me like the plague.

I hate that people will make themselves feel better by asking "How are you doing?" But not really want the truth on that, and ask you at a time and in a way they don't want to hear the truth, they just want you to appease them by saying "Okay", so they will feel better that they at least asked you. But they really didn't know how I was really doing.

I hate having to wear a mask.

I hate that I was trained to be such a lady, that I can't smash a million things, scream, or go off on a rant.. even though thats what I need most these days.

I hate that everyone left me alone, with a ton of work to do while trying to take care of my children.

I hate that I have to go through his stuff, and pack his stuff away and all the memories that come flooding back.

I hate myself for even saying this, but I hate that he abandoned me, even though I know he didn't have a choice in the matter, and wouldn't have, if he had a choice in it.

I hate the insomnia.

I hate that my brain never wants to shut up.

I hate that I can never remember all that I need at the store, even taking a list with me.

I hate that I am alone.

I hate trying to lay down to a cold and lonely bed each night.

I hate stupid, insensitive comments I read on fb statuses. About how they miss thier hubby because they are gone on business over night. When I haven't seen mine in over 25 weeks and won't ever get to see him again. Or people referencing being a part as like they died, when they have no clue what its like to lose thier spouse and its a slap in my face to even reference anything like that.

I hate that I am soo sensitive and everything pisses me off.

I hate that no one thought about the fact that valentines day would have been my first without my sweetheart.

I hate that no one has thought that this will be my first mother's day without my mom here, without my husband, and be a widowed/single mother of two children.

I hate ... soo many things...

I HATE ALS AND WHAT IT ROBBED JASON, MYSELF, AND OUR KIDS OF SOOO MUCH!
 
Well, I can't add much to that list, Becca. I'm pretty much with ya on all of it.

I will add:

I hate when dealing with a cable company, they don't giving a flying S#!+ that my husband is dead and refuse to change the name on the account so I can deal with them, even after I've provided required documentation and called a gazillion times.

I hate it for my son that I've had to cut my evil SIL out of our lives. He lost his granddaddy, his dad and now his favorite aunt.

I hate it that my son wants me to apologize to his favorite aunt, when I did nothing wrong. (He doesn't understand.)

I hate it that I make lists and fully expect to get items on my list accomplished, only to find something else came up and I accomplished nothing but adding another "to do" to my list.

I hate it when I complain about something to a family member and they tell me "that's life, everybody has to deal with it." Really? Like I didn't know that already. Give me a break for dealing with life and grieving at the same time, will ya!?!

I hate it when my mom compares my loss to her divorce from my father and tries to suck me into her "woe is me" mentality.

I hate it that I'm so indecisive because I wish I could discuss something with my husband before I made a decision.

I hate it that my son really needs both of us and only has me.

I hate that my son doesn't like to be at home, because he misses his dad so much it hurts him to be around all the "dad stuff."

I hate it that I'm overwhelmed by things that need to be fixed around the house, wishing I had the know-how to do it myself without calling someone for help.

I absolutely HATE the NIGHTMARES!

LOL I retract my first statement. Guess after I started thinking about it, I've got a whole lotta hates goin on!
 
I hate:

When people say " Your young, you will love again." - Really, when was it that I asked for your advice?

My father in law whining about me still paying bills at his house, and then find out he is buying a new home, but he didn't lift a finger to help me out when my husband was sick, nor did he pitch in for the service, just where the hell did he get this money from? hummmm?

Thinking about how much we lost when he got sick. Our home, our savings, our future.

How Social Security wants you to pay back for the last month our loved one was alive. Hey just cuz they passed does not mean they did not have expenses that month.

I that everything makes me sad.

I hate that I get jealous over couples, babies, and people in general being "Happy".

Sleeping alone, being cold ( i miss my human heater), and waking up alone.

Having to do the chores he would do. Taking out the trash, fixing the computer.

That I can't sleep, and when i do... sleeping way too long.

When people said, "Anything you need, call me." and then not picking up when I call after it took everything I had to even attempt to ask for help.

The saying "Time heals all wounds" - That is also on my FU list.

FACEBOOK! it can suck my left big toe. It must be so awful for you that YOUR husband is on the golf course and not at home with you. I am also so happy that you had the best dinner with your family, outing with your boyfriend today.

Everything on TV.

The neighbor girl who has a different guy over every night and how I can hear her nocturnal activities.

My cousin, who is just 23, getting married and pregnant. If you force me to look at your sonogram one more time, I am going to feed it to you. There is no way I am going to be in your damn wedding, send you a gift baby or wedding, going to your shower, or being in anyway involved in your happy little pink and blue covered world. I hope you get divorced and your kid looks like a monkey. BTW don't have your mother call me and tell me how selfish I am being, you guys didn't bother to come to my aid at any point when he was sick or passed away. - Cold yes I know but it is how I feel.

Having the thing i love the most ripped from my world.

Having to start over.

I hate that I hate. I was never like this, smiles have been replaced by tears, happy moments have been replaced by bitterness,

Doctors and how they would not treat us, like we were not worth his time.

... I could be here all night.
 
I Hate:
* That there is No Cure for ALS!
* That we don't know what causes ALS!
* When people say, "I know what you are going through!".....Really?
* Thoughtlessness/Inconsideration!
* Realizing I will be retired, on my own!
* I HATE ALS!
 
I hate that songs that used to be so inspirational and meaningful to me, now make me cry like a baby.

I hate that even though I am doing more in my life than I ever had before, I dont really FEEL like im doing anything. Im numb all the time or Im crying and depressed. Im not able to make good "new" memories.

I hate that Im almost 30 and for the first time since I moved out, I have to move back home with my Dad.

I hate that I have NOTHING to fall back onto

I hate feeling uglier every day, because I dont have my sweetheart telling me otherwise.

I hate not being able to kiss him a thousand times a day... his forehead, his nose, his cheeks, his neck, his lips, his freckles, his chest.

I hate it that whenever I was stressed or freaking about something, he was the ONLY one that could truly make me calm and he fixed everything....and now thats gone.

I hate that I cannot turn on one of our favorite albums and lay in bed with him for a few hours.

I hate that I went to Arpin, WI and now I want to know if he ever went to Arpin WI., but cant ask him.

I hate that I cant smell his sweet, natural smell.

I hate that I have had sleeping problems for years, and that even with all his tubes and loud machines and having to get up multiple times a night- I could finally sleep well when I slept by him...and now I cant sleep for crap.

I hate that I dont dream about him

Even if he is there, I hate that I cant see him.
 
I hate that all of you are hurting.
 
I hate seeing my loved ones and beloved friends suffer so much and I can;t help them!

Liz, you are the most beautiful person I have ever known! That is the truth!
 
I Hate ALS....no cure! really! I Hate people telling me that I'm Strong and that I have to be for my husband...Where is that writen? I Hate that I don't cry anymore...or sleep much either. I hate having to do everything he always spoiled me and helped me so much I Hate that I have to do everything....Where did the family go? I Hate that the Dr's act like oh well! What is that supposed to mean? They can't even give me a decent answer to any of my questions. I'm sorry,
 
I hate that I didnt get the chance to take him fishing for the first time in like 8 years

I hate that we didnt get to go on that vacation we were planning

I hate that we didnt get to go to the concerts we were planning on going to this summer

I hate that everytime i see a commercial for weddings, I get angry

I hate that I see my wedding dress and my written proposal everyday, but still cannot get myself to put them away

I hate that Im not supposed to wear my ring anymore

I hate that I waited so damn long to find him, and i only had a tiny bit of time with him once I did.

I hate that I am 29 and will never love like this again

I hate that I have to go the rest of my life without his love

I hate life

I hate death

I hate people

I hate ALS
 
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