Old 04-24-2012, 03:08 AM #1 (permalink)
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Default Divorcing The Family

I know, I am not the only one who is going through family issues after our sweethearts have died.

Its almost 6 months past, and I am still having family issues with not just his side of the family but mine as well. I am soo done with the added stress and emotional crap and unnecessary drama... I just want to break from them all and start all afresh with just my little loves and I.

Had a hard time the week prior to Easter for various reasons. Was invited the day before Easter to Jason's family's get-together, and to my Sister's on Easter. I declined both. My Sister didn't have an issue with it (or at least, hasn't said so), Jason's family on the other hand, has been impossible! After inviting me, which I thanked them for the invite, I declined. Then they asked why. Instead of a "lie" and making up some sort of excuse, I told her the truth and explained how that I am not having a good week and am not in a celebratory mood. She then proceeded to:

1) Tell me that I shouldn't be like that ( I love how people seem to know how we should grieve and what we should and shouldn't do. Since when is the last time they lost thier husband and father of thier 2 children and suddenly become experts?)

2) Tell me that Jason wouldn't want me to be like this (Um, on what planet is it appropriate to talk to me like I don't know my own husband? If you knew my husband, like she obviously didn't, he would have allowed me to go through it in any way possible I needed to and would have been compassionate and understanding, like he was when we lost our two children!)

3) After "pumping" me with questions, and then berating me on my choice for what I felt I needed for me, she then proceeded to ask if she could take my children to the function (Jason and I agreed long time ago, that his family would never be alone with our children, and NEVER has! On what planet was it okay to ask to take the children away from a grieving Momma?).

I'm sure this is not the last I will hear of this, but it wasn't one sided. I also declined going to my Sisters as well.

Well, another issue is brewing. During Jason's downward spiral of ALS, we noticed that his mom and several other family members had started posting pictures online of our children. Well, we want to protect our children, and with the fact that his sister's ex had molested her son, and not sure of her friends online, etc, we decided to error on the side of caution and respectively ask people not to post pictures of our children online. I have asked friends, my side of the family, as well as pastors from my parents church to remove photos of us and not to post pictures of us, etc. Everyone has complied, respectively seeing we are just trying to protect our children.

Well, several months before he passed, I asked his mom nicely to please remove the photos, explained our concerns etc. She became on the defensive and instead, posted more pictures. I got chewed out by various family members for "attacking her" again. Then within that week, the rest of his family posted pictures of our children on thier site. Knowing we didn't have alot of time with Jason, and not wanting to waste his precious time on a fight about this that was brewing, I said nothing, and told myself I'd deal with this once he was passed, but right now, no matter how much of an a$$ they were being, he needed his family, so I let it go for the time being.

Well, this past week, instead of getting into a confronting argument and having to go to each one of them and having this unpleasant conversation in which they would, no doubt, berate me again, I chose just to report the photos of unauthorized underage children to fb.

Well, fb not only took the photos down, but also evidentally contacted each one of them and let them know that they had been reported and by WHOM.

Yeah, I've been getting nasty PM's and stuff on FB now. Let the shit fly! Here we go again!

Then if that doesn't beat all, a niece of mine was asking where my photos were. I explained that I was having a hard time with his side of the family concerning pictures so I took them down. Her response was, "You mean, I can't use one of your photos of your daughter for my cover photo on fb?"

UGH! And don't get me started on my parents!

Suffice it to say, I am done with family, and can't wait to have a complete break from them all. I am not partial to either side. I need drama and stress, and emotionally taxing.. FREE!

:/ vent over
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Old 04-24-2012, 07:26 AM #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Divorcing The Family

sorry all the family is being so aggravating.

For your sanity, why don't you defriend them on facebook for a start.
I come froom a family of highly opinionated people who all feel they need to share. A great tactic is to just look at them and not reply. This allows time for them to sit there and ponder what they said. On some level it's well meaning but the quiet time allows them to evaluate the stupidity. i have no problem watching them fidget and then desperately try to change the subject lol.

hope things improve - take care
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Old 04-24-2012, 09:32 AM #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Divorcing The Family

Kludge to you for doing whatever you need to in order to protect yourself and your family.
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Old 04-24-2012, 09:36 AM #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Divorcing The Family

Sorry that was meant to be congratulations. You asked nicely and they did not comply with your wishes. Do whatever you need to do. Prayers for you and the kids.
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Old 04-24-2012, 10:34 AM #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Divorcing The Family

So sorry that you are having to deal with all this. Perhaps you and the children just need to get away from it all soon (like a camping trip or something), just to get away and enjoy some time with the kids and get a break from all the stress. Prayers going out to you and the kids in dealing with all the tension.
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Old 04-24-2012, 11:21 AM #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Divorcing The Family

I believe I'd write them all off. Such unnecessary drama. Why do people play cruel games like that?
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Old 04-24-2012, 12:05 PM #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Divorcing The Family

It's your time to grieve and I believe that anybody who doesn't allow you to do it your way has to be "excluded" from your life until you're ready to allow them back in. At the same time, you still need people around you, understanding and helpful people. Yasmin.
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Old 04-24-2012, 12:39 PM #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Divorcing The Family

There ought to be "lemon laws" for family the way there is for cars!
Nice thing about lemons.... no matter how sour they are, if you squeeze them long enough they run out of juice.
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Old 04-24-2012, 01:37 PM #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Divorcing The Family

Ugh. I finally got my brother in law to buy me out of my (Glen's) portion of their mother's estate. It only took 2 years. He was thinking I'd quietly wait around another 5. NOT. Now I never have to deal with the brothers again unless I bump into them at a wedding. (Unlikely) I totally feel for you... If possible don't read the notes, unfriend them on FB and try to focus on you and the kids.
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Old 04-24-2012, 02:57 PM #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Divorcing The Family

Wow, I never ceased to be amazed by the self-centeredness (ok, I'm sure that's not really a word, sorry) of people. I hope venting makes you feel a little better. You don't deserve all of this stuff on top of what you're already dealing with. I know it's hard. I found it a little easier to deal with crazy relatives by putting them in the 'stranger' category. It may sound weird, but it was so much easier to deal with their craziness if I could just look at it as the bizarre behavior of strangers in a news article or novel. It was easier to 'put it away' and get on with it my life whenever their activities found their way into life. Hmmm.. maybe that just makes me crazy, but I'm happier crazy
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Old 04-24-2012, 05:34 PM #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Divorcing The Family

I completely understand. Change your phone number if you have to. Only give it to those you can trust won't give it out and those you can trust won't drag you down. You'd be surprised at the satisfaction that provides!
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Old 04-24-2012, 06:55 PM #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Divorcing The Family

Good grief! With family like that who needs enemies? I like the old saying that you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family - wanna bet? You are doing right for you and your children to pick and choose who you socialize with and allow in your inner circle. A good friend is worth much more than two lousy sets of grandparents! I hope you can keep up the defense as they will not let up as unfortunate as it is. Some people just don't get it! I speak from experience, just different circumstances. Follow all the advice given here and know that we are here for you. {{Hugs}}
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Old 04-25-2012, 04:45 PM #13 (permalink)
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Hi Becca. Hopefully they will fade away as time passes. Hang in there sweetie.
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Old 04-25-2012, 11:29 PM #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Divorcing The Family

Hi Becca,
I feel for you! You keep putting your needs and the kids' needs first! They are adults and the junk is their issue. Keep you and the kids safe, you are doing the right thing.

A veteran of the crazy family madness,
Jen
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Old 04-26-2012, 05:45 AM #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Divorcing The Family

Sounds like my hubbys family. Been there, done that. I moved to Florida from Texas for various reasons but getting away from them was top of the list. They still call, but to ask for money, they know there wasn't any, they still have "family" meetings about how much more I should have done ( I moved mountains for him) and talking about bringing a civil suit against me for having my husband cremated and not giving them any of his remains, My father in law thinks i still should be paying bills at his house for his internet, phone, and TV because we paid them while Bran was sick and we lived there. When i got my husbands truck back from his brother (we let him use it while Bran was sick) I found that he had ran it into the ground and did $3000 of damage to the engine and refuses to pay me for the work i had to get it running well enough to drive. His Grandmother (fathers mother) has emailed me and wants Brans mothers china back, it was a family heirloom passed down from her to my mother in law on her wedding day. Brans mom passed away from als as well in 2001. It was given to us on our wedding day. She thinks Brans brother should have it now, for when he gets married if ever that happens. I know this may sound cold, but that it MY choice, it was gifted to us and it ours. I don't mind giving it to his brother when he gets married, but it is MY CHOICE to do so. They have requested that they have the password to his facebook account, heavens know why.
Just know you are not alone in the hell that is in-laws. I feel your pain.
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