They're flourishing

[10steps]

For those caregivers who were spouses with kids, I'm sure you can relate that in addition to caring for your spouse, there was always the overwhelming concern about the kids too and how ALS completely impacted them as well. ARGH! All so hard.

i've watched my oldest daughter learn and comprehend the depth and strength of compassion. She's learned a person's worth isn't necessarily based on achievement alone but rather commitment, caring, responsibility, community interaction, respect and dedication. She wants to be a doctor, to make a difference, as opposed to a stock broker lol.

My younger daughter ahd physical manifestations of stress. Those disappeared about 2 weeks after her dad passed. She continues to be amazing in school. She will be valadictorian or salutorian, of that I am sure. She takes pride in her job and assumes leadership roles in sports and community service. I am proud, she appreciates all she has despite what's been lost.

The 3 of us have a new bond, one where we are all sure to make time for each other, listen and support.

They are not perfect; however I am encouraged that they are positively moving forward - it can and does happen. The sun rises, sets and it can be good again.

 

[judyroyalglenn]

Great positive post Glad to see so much good! ALS is tough on everyone especially our children. My mom had ALS, and my daughter still does not want to be reminded when it would have been her birthday etc. She also makes me turn off the radio when certain songs come on. Brings back tough memories for her.

 

[Ms. Pie]

It's good to read your words. I'm glad you all are flurishing and on the other side of this. You didn't mention you though. How are you doing? I hope well.
Hugs to you and yours,
Marta

 

[pepsiman]

I have four kids. Their mother passed away 2 1/2 years ago.

The oldest is 20 now and a sophomore at the University of Delaware. She's a bit lost, but she won't admit it. She's living her life, I wouldn't necessarily say she flourishing but she'll be okay.

Her sister is a freshman at the University of Arizona in Tucson. She's studying to be a neurologist. She neurotic and wound up scarily tight but getting out of the house is the best thing that ever happened to her. She will be very successful but I doubt she will ever face the demons in her mind. I'm not worried about her though, she will make her way through the world on her own terms.

My oldest son told me the other day that what we all went through sucked but he is absolutely a better person because of it. I agree with him. I worried for a long time that he would sink into a depression and wind up killing himself but losing his mother pulled him out of that and gave him the courage and fortitude to make something of himself. I think he will be the most well adjusted of my kids in the end.

My youngest is still an enigma to me. At 13 he is competent but lazy. He has a mind that is unlike anyone I've ever known. There's potential in there to be something way beyond my experience but I worry that he doesn't really have any motivation. He doesn't express it much but the loss of his mother was a blow that I'm not sure he's been able to come to terms with yet. Perhaps time will heal his wounds. I hope so.

As for me, I'm lost. Nothing is as it should be. I have a new girlfriend, a widow herself. She's very patient with me and I really do love her. Weekends, when we're together, are wonderful. The weekdays though are brutal. I have virtually no interest in my work. I do necessary housework, but not much else. I seem to be making only the slightest of forward movement. As much as I want to live again, there just doesn't seem to be anyway to hurry the process along.

 

[Toto's Dorothy]

10 steps, a wonderful post. Made me tingle inside.

 

[Toto's Dorothy]

Pepsiman,

I wanted to say something profound, but there are no words I can say................

I will pray for you and your family,

 

[notgivnup]

10steps, your post was inspiring to me as a pals, I worry about my kids and grandkids as I have been a Big part of their life. I talk openly about my disease and hope they will handle it as well as your children have after such a huge loss in their lives. Thanks for posting it was uplifting for me. I also pray you are doing well.

 

[brooksea]

Thank you for the inspiring post, 10steps. It's very nice to hear that you and your children have been able to forge a new path.

Dick, don't beat yourself up over this. I know some days I feel like I'm swimming in quicksand. It's not something you can ever get over, as you know. Your description of your youngest son is strikingly similar to mine... Perhaps only time will tell.

 

[cervus]

Hi 10steps. It's great to hear your kids are flourishing and that you all are making and taking time to be together. It's great finding comfort through your children, through your husband's children.

Our girls are 25 and 19. The 25 year old lives with her fiancee and is a MSc student at the University of Alberta. She's in the same Faculty that my husband taught in for 35 years. She's in the same building he worked in, climbs the same stairs, knows all of his friends and colleagues and yes, she's thriving too. She shows emotion much more than our younger daughter. But, she said the other day that now she doesn't cry every day, she cries almost every other day.

Our younger daughter is in her second year at the same University - majoring in Anthropology and minoring in music. She still lives here at home and helped Bob get in to bed every night for months. She doesn't discuss her feelings and emotions too much but when we're together and having our laughing or crying "sessions", she laughs and cries too. She's protective in the sense that if we're picking a movie to watch or listening to music, she'll consider whether or not it'll make me sad!

They're both wonderful girls and we've always had a good relationship with each other. It just worked out that way! They were both very, very close to Bob as he was to them. They're busy with school and I never want to get to the point that I have to rely on them for my emotional sense. They don't count the weeks and months and watch the calendar as I do. They're living good lives and a long time ago learned about what is important in life and what isn't. That may have come from when Bob was first sick with cancer.

Pepsiman. I commend you for "moving on" but I feel your emptiness. I want to feel again, feel things in my soul that I used to when Bob was here. I want to feel something watching the sunset, the moon, the birds, etc. I haven't felt that yet. My niece pointed out that wanting that again is a good sign. And I guess she's right!

It's a rough and tough time for all of us now. I hope it's true that in time the sun will shine for us again.

Thank you for saying what you did, 10steps!

My heart goes out to all who have loved and lost. Yasmin.

 

[Barbie]

I am so pleased that so many kids are moving on and living their lives. As the mom of 4, I worry alot how their dad's illness will affect them in the long run. 10steps, pepsiman, Yasmin, I wish only the best for you, and hope you will continue to find strength and healing every day. I hope you will all find a happiness again--Everyone deserves it and it is surely what your departed would want for you!

 

[cervus]

Thanks Barbie. You must be a very, very busy lady taking care of your whole family. I hope somehow you're also taking care of yourself. I know it's hard though. Yasmin.

 

[mytwoboys]

I don't post much anymore, but I do lurk. My two boys (13 and 10) are also doing well. Both continue to be straight A students. The oldest is playing school baseball now instead of travel ball. They spend time with their friends. We have taken up kayaking and recently bought a camper - looking forward to a few outings this summer. I lost my mom at 17 and my dad was already out of the picture. They need to know (as I learned early on) that they will only get one life as well and they should live it the best they can. Yes, we can be sad. Yes, we can all have our moments. We shouldn't let it control our futures. We have learned that it can be taken away too easily. Sometimes thinking about what happened over the last 5 years makes me sick. The feelings pass. Keeping busy raising these two helps. They need me to be moving them forward more than I need to keep reliving the nightmare.

 

[LizT]

Glad to hear that there is improvement in alot of the kids. I too hope this for my daughter. We just lost Ray 3 weeks ago. So far my 11 year old has been "ok" (her word), but Ive noticed in the last two weeks, she hasnt turned in all of her homework. She is a very bright little girl and never misses assignments. I know this is normal so Im not making a big deal about it. Im just worried what may come down the road. She keeps things to herself most of the time. I encourage her to get things out in as many different ways as I can, but she hasnt yet.
Im still working on trying to be strong for her. Not doing the best at it, but am trying.
Incredibly gratful for this place and all of you.