Why IS It?

[brooksea]

As time goes by, I've not heard (voluntarily) from one of his friends (or their wives)? He knew them for almost fifty years. I mean, they were there at the funeral in all their glory to pay respects, a full house.

Instead, I have the WWII Vet (neighbor) and the ex-neighbor that recently moved, stopping in. I'm very grateful.

Our son has/had an "uncle." He was my husband's best friend since elementary school. He begged him to not forget our son and to be a father figure. I see that will not happen.

Sigh...I really wonder about humanity...

Death happens, but life goes on and we can help each other if we TRY! I hope I will be able to teach my son the meaning of strength and loyalty...

 

[Katie C]

CJ... I for one will be happy to never have to deal with my brothers-in-law again. I signed the paperwork today to finalize the settlement of their mother's estate. They low-balled me on the value of the house. I know that for a fact. But I won't have to take them to court, I won't have to deal with them ever again, and it's one more piece of the puzzle taken care of. They weren't there when he was alive, I want nothing to do with them now.

Your son will more about strength and loyalty from you than from a dozen fair-weather acquaintances!

Hugs.

 

[Toto's Dorothy]

Cj, people mean well. A fried of ours daughter was killed 2 years ago. She visited me in the nursing home. Ishe planned on a short kvisit thatk lasted over 3 hours. We talked about her daughter, liza. She wass so appreciative.

The reason I bring this up, and not to steal your posk, is that his friends may not realize you can talk about don(?). They may not know what to say. Invite some over for dinner and kstart the ice breaking.

As for your son, I have no worries on strength and loyalkty. You are the masterr and he will learn from the best.

 

[Toto's Dorothy]

And katie, when it comes to money, it seems like there are vultures in every family. I am glad you will not hace anymore dealings with them.

 

[joni51]

This is where we find out the true friends that r there for us thru the good and bad.

 

[10steps]

People react so differently to death and the feelings it brings up and how they cope are so varied, it's hard to answer why they act as they do. One of our good friends, she made us a meal just about every week for 5 months had a hard time dealing. After H passed i didn't see her or speak to her for over 3 months. She went to the funeral but left immediately for work so I never saw her. Its weird yet I know she's uncomfortable with death. I ran into an aquaintance earlier this week and when she saw me she just started crying(geez, i didn't think i looked that bad lol).
I think neighbors see us continue with everyday life and know we are "going".
I've had an unusual day. I'm having a hard time getting my thoughts together but I hope you get the gist of the post.

 

[Jason's Dream]

You will find out who you can count on, who will be there, and who won't and its interesting the ones who will be there like no other and the ones that don't.

I had someone say they would be there for me like a "bulldog" in my corner to make sure his family would not say anything or treat me like crap at the viewing and the funeral. She never made it to either.

Another person was suppose to be a pall bearer and had a previous engagement, that at the time, it felt like... nothing is more important then honoring my husband, and the father of my children, and the honorable and amazing man that he was.

I have slowly been distancing myself and my children from his family. After the hell we went through with his mom and step dad, his sisters, I just want peace and that is away from them. I talked to his aunt today and even she doesn't understand her sister and her actions at times.

That being said, a friend of mine, which we don't see eye to eye on alot of things, are in different stages in life, was there for me in too many ways to count. Didn't have to ask her to do anything. She just asked what I wanted done and any special ways to do it, or just started rolling up her sleeves to do dishes etc.

That being said, a group of ladies, that for the most part are in the same life stage I am, have been nice to my face, asked how I was, but didn't really want to know, didn't really care, and quite honestly, have found out that they have had girls night out and not even invited me.

There are a groupd of widows in our church that are nice enough, but don't try to go out of thier way to include me, but instead talk to the other ladies about things related closer to thier age in life, and so I feel left out, etc.

I have felt like a misfit soo many times.

*hugs*

 

[Miss]

Just before I read this thread, I was thinking - where are my friends? One friend, that brought dinner every week while Terry was sick, told me that I had a phone, too - so I should call her. Others make offers of lunch and dinner with no follow up. Terry's friends have been really sweet. Several of them check in on a regular basis to make sure I am doing okay. I think my friends just know that I have always been strong, and they assume I can handle it without a problem. Maybe I don't reach out enough. Maybe I don't break down in front of others enough. Who knows. I will have to say, it does hurt. My goal is to start calling one person a week and trying to schedule something. Maybe that will break the ice.

 

[Mrs C]

It is hard, but we need to find our own identity once again. It is not easy, but we need to pick an choose who we want in our lives. As time goes on, you will figure this out for you and your son. God bless you....

 

[pmbenb83]

CJ, I would call Don's friend and let him know that your son would love to do some guy stuff. Let him know how much this would mean to your son and to Don. I'm sure he's just waiting for the right time, but he probably doesn't know when would be the right time. It's such a learning experience from each side, but once the ice is broken, I'm sure he will fulfill his promise to your husband.

 

[cervus]

I agree with pmbenb83 and others who have said that Don's friend might not know when the right time to step in would be. I hope it all works out for all your sakes.

 

[brooksea]

Thanks for your advice, Pam! I just called Don's best friend. He said he would try to come out this weekend. He sounded glad to hear from me and told me about his new sports car. He offered to help me get a new car, but we laughed at the fact that my husband was the one that always helped him, in that respect... Uhh, I can get my own car!

 

[brooksea]

The best friend came by yesterday and took my son to lunch. He helped me with some stuff that needed to be done.

Reach out if you can. How much more damage will it do if you are rejected? Probably not much.

 

[notgivnup]

That is wonderful CJ. So happy you had some help, and for your son. I guess some people just dont know what to do until we ask.

 

[momap53]

CJ, so glad you reached out and a hand was offered in return!