Difficult question...

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brooksea

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I hesitate putting this out there, but what about a marker for those that chose the traditional final resting place for their pALS?

Did you do anything special? How long did it take you to decide on one? Did "they" allow you to choose your own design and material?

I hope this isn't too touchy to discuss.
 
Terry was buried in the Veteran's Cemetery, so there was no decision to be made. I have handled the marker before (Mom and Dad). The cemetery where they are buried has some fairly specific limitations - bronze markers only, no headstones. Talk to the folks at the cemetery. I don't believe there is a rush on how long you have to make a decision.
 
My sis and I walked around the cemetery and got ideas of what we liked I think we even took a few pictures. Took those ideas to the headstone place and they drew us up several different to choose from. We critiqued, made changes and they worked with us until we got exactly what we wanted. We had flowers engraved since she loved to garden. It wasn't fancy but it suited her perfectly we were very happy with it. It took us more than a year to get it done but due to our procrastination entirely well and a little due to the weather. Today marks three years time has flown by but it seems an eternity since I held her last.

We also had engraved on the bottom beloved mother, grandmother
 
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Bob was cremated and according to both our wishes, when the time comes, our ashes will be put together and sprinkled in the Indian Ocean off the coast of Kenya. I have his ashes here with me and during the day I take them to the living room and at night put them on my bedside table. I've told our girls (jokingly) to start saving for their trip!

I do believe you're not rushed in to making a decision right away.

Take care CJ.
 
Cervus
I have asked my children to remember to take me to family functions

Cj
It does determine where he is buried we have 2 cemeteries the old 1 any type will work the other only flat bronze markers one day when your son is in school go visit one and take notes on the ones you like also the company themselves may have ideas for you to look at
 
Father-in-law was a veteran, so we just got the one that they will pay for. Where sis is, they have certain styles you can choose from. I chose one with a vase ans the marker will have her favorite breed of dog in between the dates. In both cases, the markers needed to be flat (sis's vase can be inverted) to allow the grounds to be maintained better.
 
Dorothy, I want my kids to divide up my ashes and let me travel with them, sprinkling along the way!
(I've earned the nickname "Morbid Mommy")
My girls are in their mid to late 20's and think it's hilarious. I'm really fine with whatever they decide to do with my ashes. We have Gma in a beautiful Delft Ginger Jar that she and I bought on a most pleasant trip to Holland many years ago and the plan is to take her ashes back to where she grew up and her parents are buried. It's an old family cemetery in the country with no remaining plots. A simple bronze marker will be added by her parents headstones.
 
There happens to be a Catholic cemetary that backs up to an open space area that was one of Glen's very favorite places to run. Turns out there was a site available that literally looks over the running path. So that part was a no brainer. That area uses flat headstones. They showed us a binder of suggested designs... since it's a double plot, Kev and I chose a nice granite headstone, not hugely overtly religious but tasteful. And when the time comes, it's one less thing Kevin will have to worry about.

That being said... I've never seen the installed headstone because I can't bring myself to go out there.
 
Katie it took me two years to go out to see mom's grave site. For a long time I used the snow as an excuse because she's buried in a really old cemetery and you can't get in there in the winter unless there was a recent funeral that they plowed for. When I was home and the weather was nice my sister made me go I didn't want to but was glad I did after the fact. It was so so so hard to do but helped bring an element of closure. I felt a nice peace come over me when we left.
 
I know this is a bit off topic but reading what some of us are doing after the death of a loved one made me want to add something. My oldest daughter's 19 year old best friend died in a car accident 6 years ago - no fault of hers. They went to school together and then University together. We knew her parents of course and over time see them once in a while - her dad does our taxes! Anyway, Madeline was buried in a graveyard in the town she group up. Her dad has gone to the gravesite every day since she passed - clears snow, leaves, etc. just visits. Her mum is still in a state of denial - I'm not sure what kind of denial but she's dealing with her grief in her own way. She has not been back to the gravesite ever, hasn't driven past the accident site (has to detour to get to their home) and although there are pictures all over their home of Madeline, her mum said she never looks at them because if she does, she knows that that's all she has and that Madeline won't come home. In her mind she knows she's passed, but still somehow doesn't fully acknowledge it. Very different in the same family. All very sad.
 
My dad just brought up out of the blue the other day that he doesn't want the marker provided by the VA. He wants a traditional marble one to go with the rest of the family's markers in our area of the cemetary. I was surprised. I would have guessed that he didn't care. Glad he brought it up so we now know.
 
My Dad is in my closet. He donated his body to Dartmouth medical center. When they were done with him (2 years) they creamated him and sent him to my mom. She brought him here and when she goes we will spread their ashes together in a spot they loved.
 
Ok CJ, this is a bit off topic but is a chance to get something I have guilt about off my chest. My father died 4 years ago this month. About a year later my mum and I were ready to face having a gravestone put up. Then she got sick and we were in the 'what the hell is this space', tests etc, then she was diagnosed. Somehow the living got more important and immediate than doing things like the headstone. When my mother died in June I was so embarassed that there was still only a temporary marker. Whilst I visit and bring flowers the headstone is still not done. Started, but not done.
 
My father passed away last May and our family had the headstone done for his birthday last month. Most of our family went to see it and sent balloons up with messages on them from all the grandchildren and great grandchildren. My sisters ordered the headstone through the cemetery and it turned out really nice.
 
When my brother go married a few years ago, another brother and SIL took one of the table bouquets and brought it to Bourne National Cemetary, put it on my Dad's grave marker (they're flat in this cemetary, so all you see is the beautiful rolling fields and woods). They photographed it on his gravestone and sent out cards to everyone in the family so we all could see it. I keep it with the book that I put together a couple of years ago of my Dad's military service (WWII and Korean Conflict).

Avril, I don't think the marker means as much as you remembering them, don't feel guilty!
 
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