Spouses

[Jason's Dream]

I just wondered a question:

After having a conversation with another widow at an ALS support group meeting, I wondered:

After your spouse died, did you (or are you) using any of your spouse's hygiene products? (deoderant, shampoo, soap, etc?)

Just curious.

~ Becca

 

[joni51]

I still have my first husbands toothebrush, and it has been 12 years, I got a oh what do you call them...? glass encased and put a lot of his personal things in it.

 

[Katie C]

Honestly, because of the "gross factor" associated with the dementia... we threw everything away. Now, I do have a couple of items of clothing. One is his bike jersey.. the last time he wore it was when he and Kevin did the ALSA bike ride. Apparently it got put away without being washed first, which we realized while cleaning out drawers. I kept that. It will never get washed. Does it smell funky? Oh, you bet. But it smells like Glen and it will never get washed.

 

[lms9258]

I'm not a spouse, but I use a lot of my mom's personal care stuff. My favorites are her brush, lavender body lotion, and soap. I also have her pillow. Why? Is this odd?

Laura

 

[brooksea]

No it's not odd. It is part of grieving. You may even start doing things your loved one did that you wouldn't ordinarily do yourself, like eat certain foods or visit certain places, etc...

Don't let anyone tell you it's odd.

Here is some bereavement info from the hospice we used, I'm sure all hospices have similar information:

http://www.abbeyhospice.com/AbbeyHospice/Bereavement_files/What%20We%20Need.pdf

 

[asantiago]

Sort of OT.....My husband unknowingly bought for me the same soap that I used to shower my mom with. It was 6-9 months after her death maybe. When I went to use it, I had a violent physical reaction to the smell of it, it made me nauseous and I nearly threw up. It also gave me a raging headache. Our sense of smell is so powerful and connected to our memory. I guess it was the flood of memories of the not so pleasant part of being a caregiver. Not that I minded showering her in the least, but the act of it was a huge testament to what ALS took from her.

I did however bring home tons of lotions and some make up that I used and smiled sometimes tearfully when I thought of her. I guess the things I took reminded me of who she was before ALS robbed her of so much.