Oh, the rage

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10steps

Distinguished member
Joined
Jan 1, 2011
Messages
140
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
04/2010
Country
US
State
MA
City
western
Certain things really dig at me. I've tried a number of tactics today to subdue this anger and no success. At my husband's funeral we requested "in lieu of flowers" and gave the name of an organization that helped us tremendously. Basically, I am sent updated lists with names and addresses of donors so I can send a thank you note. I have no idea how much anyone has donated nor the total - it doesn't matter to me.

Anyway it's a whole process. So, apparently my MIL was contacted because someone who donated didn't receive an acknowledgement. Ah, it's tax time and this is a deduction.
Now I'm pissed. It bothers the hell out of me. i don't care particularly about a deduction but the fact that they are looking for it! Aargh!

Why did my MIL even need to mention it? there are times I can't stand her.

Breathe. Glad there's a place to vent. Normally i'm private but this just rattled the cage.
 
Shortly after Glen's diagnosis (which was very late in coming) he and Kevin and our nephew did a Bike Ride for ALSA. My mother in law went to a number of friends who kindly donated.. but instead of mailing the checks directly to ALSA they gave them to MIL who sent them to ME so I could send them to ALSA. Somehow only one check got misplaced in all of that but boy did I hear about it... I didn't send her a thank you, she didn't get a receipt for her taxes, etc etc. I really really wanted to tell MIL where she could put the check... but heck, I didn't know where it was anyway, right!? I like to think of it as training for how NOT to be a MIL!
 
Wow that is really a slap in the face for you to have someone basically ask for compensation from your husband's death?! And then ask you for it...the least they could do if they were going to ask for deduction is ask the organization first...not you. And if they didn't have it, then let it go! You know how much money I could have gotten deducted from orgs but didn't because it was the right thing to do...(not to ask for it back)?

They shouldn't even give deduction forms in the case of 'in lieu of' ...can you imagine if you gave a gift, that wasn't to an org, and then asked for money back on it?

Sorry...I am in kind of a bad mood today...:( I definately hear your rant though and am sorry you are going through this.
 
I feel your pain hon.

My MIL thinks she has the right to still be in my life and still tries to push her way in. My husband's aunts have been soo kind, and wrote a letter stating they understood if it was too soon, but still wanted to be there for me and the kids, etc, and claimed me as family. Is there any way to divorce MIL and keep the Aunts? I don't think there is a way, which is sad, but right now, I need distance from his mom and sisters. They were horrible to me and never apologized for ANY of it. At the funeral, they finally did say, after criticizing everything I did or didn't do for Jason over 23 months, ruining my reputation and such, and telling me where my "place" was "in the family", that I took good care of him. Um, where was any of that when he was alive?

Then, I had to come up with all the funeral money on my own, and when his Grandpa gets there, the only thing he remarked was, I could have helped you on the casket. Um, why didn't you call and tell me this? Was I suppose to beg from people who stole from my Sweetheart and made my life hell?

At this point, I don't care.. the funeral went the way Jason wanted it, and no one else had any say-so on it, and for that, I am proud to have honored my Sweetheart's wishes. One of the things Jason wanted, was a trust fund for the kids, for the "in leu of flowers", because his greatest concern was taking care of us after he was gone. So for that, I am proud that I had set up for and feel I honored all his wishes. Not many gave, but it wasn't about the giving for me, as it was, setting it up to honor Jason's wishes.

Some people can be soo insensitive. *hugs*
 
I can't believe how insensitive people are. Those are gifts from the heart and to make the family feel less pain.
 
Rant away sister!.....It is so warranted to rant!.....I can not believe the nerve of some people. That was sooo wrong of them to do. So sorry they have upset you so much.

Even when I use to gave at church it was cash between me and the Father,("But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing), As they handed out those tax deduction papers to people, I would get strange looks cause I never got one, the Father knew I gave from my heart not wanting anything in return. I feel that is how it should be with giving, not what they can get.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. {{Hugs}}
 
There were a few who donated to AFTD or ALSA and also sent a small floral arrangement because they felt the funeral home could feel so cold without flowers. I love those people!

We used the same funeral home for my mom in November and my brother in January and then Glen in July. They paid for the casket piece and also for the "family arrangement". There actually are some good folk out there. It's just that the psychos are all painted neon orange and hard to miss!
 
It took my husband weeks to call his parents and tell them of his diagnosis. We finally called in tears. We were in the middle of telling them that ALS is terminal, and his mother interupted to tell us she was constipated. I immediately hit the mute button as she droned on. I looked at Terry (my tears COMPLETElY dried up) and said "well, that went a lot better than I expected!" I asked him if he wanted me to get rid of her. He laughingly said yes. I unmuted the phone, told her to get some miralax and hung up.

During Terry's battle with ALS, I would ask him if he wanted to see her. The answer was always NO. In an attempt to get attention, she told us she had MERSA back in 2009. Fortunately, the VA suggested that Terry never be near anyone with a known case of MERSA. This gave him an "out". She then tried to claim that she in fact didn't have MERSA. I suggested she get a signed statement from her doctor to assuage Terry's fears. Of course, no doctor will sign a statement guaranteeing that a person is free of MERSA since this particular staph infection can lay dormant.

My MIL called in early January to ask me "where I got all of those people at the funeral". I said, "1-800-Rent-A-Mourner, then explained that all of the people at the funeral were people from our life. She promptly said that these must have been my friends. Once again, I explained that it was a shame she had chosen not to know her son as a man. He was a wonderful human being. She had missed out on so much. She then told me that he used to be nice, before he met me. He used to give her good presents. Mind you, I am the only one who called on Christmas and took presents over there the day after. (She had FIVE children). She then said that someone told her that Terry thought she didn't love him. I explained that he KNEW she didn't love him, she only loved herself. He realized that she was angry that the family was rallying around him and that made her crazy. She wanted all of the attention (she had Munchausen syndrome). She then told me to bring the children over so that she could explain to them that she gave up everything and did everything for Terry. I explained that, Terry did not ever percieve that she did anything (he left home at 16), and I never saw anything that remotely resembled sacrifice on her part.

Two weeks later, I sat in a hospital room with my FIL and his sister for 5 hours watching my MIL die of sepsis (She was diabetic and would pick at her sores so that she could go to the doctor. One finally got infected.) None of Terry's siblings were there. Honestly, I only went because she was unconscious. She died a few hours after I left.

My children and I were going to have to attend a funeral. Because she died, we were able to go through that together. We had family around us. And, there was no emotion for the person in the casket. We jumped a hurdle painlessly. In 23 years of marriage, she finally was a good mother (or grandmother) and helped ease potential pain for one of her offspring.

The reign of terror is over.
 
miss you just made my day with 1-800-Rent-A-Mourner, lol i needed a laugh i like your thinking .. i think 10steps is laughing also
 
Thank y'all for sharing! Really! I feel better now, knowing the lunatic fringe hasn't just singled me out!
 
Oh, the stories we could tell! Loved the 1 800 mourners Miss lol. I left out another humdinger from yesterday but I'm trying to let it go.

Wish me luck, I deal with my college student today and i already know she's hungover. It will be good to see her and I'll have some fun with her too. LOL
 
I'll share SIL stories next week ... They are just as good.
 
Miss, I can't wait! Mine is still "showing" her batooty! It "helps" to know that others are dealing with the same stupid/similar issues at a time like this!
 
if we ever decide to combine all our stories into a book of support for those to come, the title simply MUST be 1-800-Rent-a-Mourner!
 
I envision the book, then the movie! LOL Who's the actress with the short grey hair? My husband loved her! Oh, Jamie Lee Curtis! She will have to be a cALS. The actress that's heavy set and starred in Misery could be an in-law, know-it-all. Who else could star? Who would play the pALS?

Proceeds to be divided - for pALS in need and their "survivors."
 
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