Closure?

[Mrs C]

Someone said "at least you now can have CLOSURE..." I don't WANT closure! I want to keep every aspect and chapter of my life with my love OPEN. What is with these people and that stupid term?

[notgivnup]

Mrs C, I am so sorry for such an insensative statement. I dont know what they where trying to say. My thoughts and prayers are still with you for Peace & Comfort in your heart.

I hope people will think before they speak next time. Some people do not know what to say and dumb hurtful things just blurt out I guess.....Love to you & {{HUGS}}

[Tom's Support]

For sure about the "do not know what to say". They probably heard the expression at another funeral or on TV and the comment either fit then or did not fit then either.
Hugs and tears. They say it all without words. But, these are two things that do not flow freely.

Keep your chapters of love open, but maybe "close" the painful ones? Not the sleepless night, but the pain of functioning without sleep. Not the shared meals, but the pain of witnessing a choking session. Not the time spent together, but the frustration of not understanding what is being said and definitely not the loss of abilities.

Memories can become a more beautiful record of our life and times, coloured by and focused on what we choose to hold of the moments.
You are the artist, your memories will be all you choose them to be.

[joni51]

Get used to some dumb remarks, because you are going to hear quite a few, I did when my first husband passed away..some really pissed me off, but over time I realize, for peopke that have never been in our shoes..well they just don't get it.. Hugs Mrs C

[Miss]

I've learned to take the stupid comments for their intent, not their content. The words come from concern and kindness. Joni is right, they usually come from people who haven't experienced the death of a spouse. I've noticed that those that have lost their spouse tend to leave at I'm sorry and a hug. They know. We know. Our thoughts are with you.

[Ms. Pie]

Big hugs to you Dear One. Yes people just don't know what to say. I do wish they knew that a hug speaks volumes and that you don't need to say a thing.

[Katie C]

Most of the stupid comments will probably start rolling off your back like water off a duck... but there will always be a few, either because of the content or because of who is saying it, that will always make you angry and/or crazy and those are the ones that you can bring here and we can at least come close to understanding!

[Miss]

The one that makes me crazy is "at least he isn't suffering anymore". Terry wasn't suffering! He had just decided to go on a ventilator because he was enjoying his life! He wasn't in pain, he wasn't depressed, he wasn't ready to die! It upsets me that everyone assumes that, just because he had ALS, he must be miserable and ready for life to be over. That one just doesn't roll off of my back.

[Katie C]

OK... my favorite: "It's for the best....." exCUSE me!?!?

[vzandt]

Someone said to me "boy your life sucks.." I was truly offended. It does not.

[Katie C]

and even if you felt like it DOES suck... you don't need someone reaffirming that! How rude!

[brooksea]

I especially despise hearing from a clergyman, "Let us know if there is anything we can do for you." HELLO? Where were you all these past years? Friggin' empty words...

[kiwisally]

It's a wee bit off subject, but goes to the point that you can count on people to say just about ANYTHING! When I told a "friend" that I had MND they said "Oh gosh, it would be better if you were killed in a car crash". Needless to say I wasn't prepared with a come back and had to make do with "well that's your opinion, thanks for sharing".

[Miss]

Maybe we should just start a thread on the crazy crap people say and do after a PALS dies . . .

[Miss]

Maybe we should start a new thread on the absurd statements and actions from people responding to an ALS diagnosis or a PALS death! No doubt there would be some crazy ones!