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thelma313

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Montreal
FADE FROM BLACK

Close up of a closed human eye. It opens suddenly and then blinks a few times.

CUT TO

Glen Brittle awakens in the jungle, disoriented, battered and bruised, lying on the ground of a tropical forest. He notices for a fleeting moment, a small black Schnoodle in an ill-fitted polar bear costume darting through the bamboo trees. As he shakes his head in disbelief he brushes off some dirt and debris from his suit and he discovers a small vial of "PZ’s Anti Twitch Elixir" in his pocket. Finally able to stand, Glen races through the jungle vegetation and emerges onto an expansive beach, where he is confronted by the carnage of the airplane crash of Oceanic Flight 815. All is in total chaos!

Glen, a distinguished IT professional, goes from one survivor to the next, organizing them, giving advice and sharing the occasional smartass joke to lighten the mood. He then stumbles upon a disheveled nurse in a torn white dress as she undulates on the beach pained by an apparent twisted ankle. A cowboy named Barry approaches offering his assistance. As the men argue over who should administer mouth-to-mouth on Nurse Rose, she applies her own make-shift bamboo splint on her injured ankle and then gets up and tells the boys to pipe down and resume tending to the survivors of Flight 815.

Suddenly the pilot of the aircraft stumbles towards the beach and the survivors ask him frantically if he had the chance to radio for rescue. He tells the weary survivors, "The plane lost radio contact six hours after take off and was a thousand miles off course when it crashed!"

"Just what are you saying?!" shouts Nurse Rose.

"We have no hope of rescue!" And just as those words escape the pilot's lips a thick swirl of black smoke appears suddenly and takes the form of a monster. The black smoke monster picks the pilot up off the ground as he twitches and screams in horror. He is swept away into the forest as the passengers look on helpless and horrified!

FLASHBACK SEQUENCE

The final moments of the flight: An Evil Twin is seated next to a plain-clothes police officer, wearing handcuffs. As the turbulence hits, the officer is knocked unconscious by a flying suitcase. The Evil Twin grabs the opportunity to uncuff herself, and puts the officer's oxygen mask on him before attaching her own, at which point the tail end of the plane suddenly breaks off and falls away taking the officer with it!

END FLASHBACK

Back at the beach, PZ, a mysterious survivor who has a real knack for fixing things (especially pianos) finds a transceiver and turns it on to discover it actually has a signal. However, it is being blocked by a transmission in French that is being repeated over and over again. Being from Montreal, the Evil Twin translates it: "My name is Elisabeth, Beth for short. I'm alone on the island. All alone. Please someone come. The others are dead. It killed them. It killed them all."

The group gives each other meaningful looks before Glen says "Guys, where are we?"
 
Just then a small fishing boat appears on the horizon. It is foundering in the heavy surf and clearly will not last long especiallly since there a huge fin following it. Suddenly the boat is lifted right out of the water and is smashed on the coral reef and it's occupants, a silver haired man and two black dogs, are thrown into the water. The two canine companions dog paddle (what else would they do?) to the beach hauling the man to safety. All of the plane crash survivors, except for Rose who is still trying to fend off her would be mouth-to-mouth rescuers, race out to help. The man, who gets no offers of mouth-to-mouth, manages to to say "I'm Capt. Al and we are going to need a bigger boat!" "I hate to break it to you but you aint got no boat" says Barry who is then distracted by a large multi-coloured parachute coming down out of the clouds, The parachute gets hung up on a large palm tree and the person hanging in the air, KeeKer aka Colleen, yells down "somebody please get me down out of here, I'm afraid of heights!"
 
Nurse Rose shuddered and shivered, any thoughts of undulating seem light years away now. She couldn't dispel the helpless horror of watching their pilot being engulfed by that THING ~ caught up in the undertow of black smoke..and ..... just like that..... gone!

The forlorn group huddled silently around the radio transmitter, the Evil Twin may have interpreted the words of the anonymous lost Beth, but the hollow hopeless tone to her voice was a universal language that needed no explanation....

Another shiver overtook her. ... was it a shiver, a shudder or a twitch?

A baleful howl splintered their unspoken bond of silence, It was inhuman, ~ If she didn't know better, she would think it was the work of world renowned, former feral cat turned actor, Rambo U.
 
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As the other men arm wrestle over who gets to give mouth-to-mouth to Rose, the valiant nurse and stalwart Dr. PZ struggle to assist the passengers who are clawing their way onto the beach. PZ stumbles over a man who is dragging himself on his elbows toward a wheelchair lodged in a nearby culvert. PZ accidently spills an entire bottle of PZ's NEW & IMPROVED Anti-Twitch Elixer (Pat Pending) on the man and hurries to catch up with Rose, whose garments are becoming even more dishelved. Amazingly, her bra was torn from her body, without disturbing her dripping nurse's uniform, which has lost the top four buttons.

"I'll be damned," the man crawling in the sand says, jumping up. "Lookee here! I can walk!" He struts up and down the beach displaying impecible fancy pageant walking.

FLASHBACK: Over very sad music, we see the same man in his wheelchair being loaded onto the plane on the luggage conveyer, as the stewerdesses shake their heads and roll their eyes, like so. :roll: "He should never have attempted this trip," one says. "He'll never make it."

Dr. PZ sprinkles some elixer on a middle-aged woman, who cries, "My cancer's gone! I'm cured! And on another subject, where the hell are we? Feels to me like we've just squeezed though a rip in the space-time continuum, or something like that."

Meanwhile, cowboy Barry swaggers up to Rose. "Hey, whatcha doin' Freckles? Whatever it is, I want to be doin' it too!" He adjusts his sunglasses, and Rose feels a strange electricity inside. her. Like her muscles are ... I dunno ... purring?

Just as an exceedingly handsome man emerges from the jungle, the transmitter crackles into life again.

Over the radio comes the plaintive voice again. "Allo, Allo? Mon Dieu! I am all alone here except for ma petite chat. The Others, they took my bebe! Oh, woe, c'est moi!" the transmitter crackles into silence.

The new man shouts to the others. "My name's Wright. I will find the source of this transmission, and we can call for help. I am an expert on medicine, electronics, computers, nuclear physics, fine wines, and enhanced interrogation." He turns to the good twin, who is sitting on a log, calmly applying tanning lotion to her long, shapely limbs. "Start building a little love hut for the two of us, darling, if you get my drift. Giddyup."

He plunges into the jungle.

FLASHBACK: Wright, once a trusted aide to Saddam Hussain, is expertly torturing someone in an Iraqi prison, when suddenly he sees the love of his life being dragged to a nearby cell. A single tear rungs down his cheek, as the sad, spooky and ominous music swells.

Meanwhile, deep in the mountains, the black cloud drags its now-dead victim to the French woman's feet. "Zut alors!" she expostulates. "How many times must I tell you to leave your disgusting toys outside. Scat, Rambeau, scat!"

Spooky logo followed by a commercial break.
 
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It was supposed to be his day off from delivering telegrams for the Western Union office in Brisbane but Peter wound up working a half day anyway. Now that his shift was done, he decided to head straight to the airfield for a jaunt in his powered parachute.

In no time at all, there he was, soaring high above the ground. The last telegram delivery of his day was a real doozie! It was a singing telegram to a strange lady in a tizzy that was sung to an ancient aboriginal melody. The words to be sung were:

Your husband is gone,
your children are too,
their plane went off course
and crashed near Timbuktu.

Peter was lamenting over his sad presentation of that last singogram as his voice cracked on the 3rd line. "Shucks! I could have sung that better!" he muttered to himself, now soaring at cloud level.

Suddenly, the sky darkened and the wind churned up great turbulent, undulating currents of torrent in the sky. The small powered parachute was tossed about like the SS Minnow in her tragic ride upon the seas. Peter trembled, shook and twitched in horror as his mini craft picked up altitude and speed. Soon, it was more than his mind and body could handle and he blacked out at the control (there was only one).

When he came to, Peter found himself high above the ground atop of a coconut palm on some tropic island. Far below, on the ground, he could see the figure of an odd man bent over a piece of electronic gear muttering something about pianos.
 
Night was closing in. It was time for action.

Capt Al, flanked by the two black dogs, climbed up on the highest point of the mangled wreckage of the plane.

The dogs, being schnoodles, excelled at barking, and soon were able to draw everyone's attention to the makeshift podium.


Capt Al cleared his throat, but before he could begin, there was a shriek, and a flurry of brightly colored silk, as Colleen (fondly known as The Keeker) plummeted from the palm tree and on top of Glen..... After what seemed an excessive amount of grappling about, Glen's head finally reappeared from under the parachute.
 
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Out of the forest with lots of grinding and flailing about comes Robbie Robot.

"Danger Will Robinson Danger Danger"
"Danger Will Robinson Danger Danger"

People start looking at each other trying to discern who the hell is Will Robinson ?

Undulating just out of sight , the black smoke beast , having had its fun with the pilot , chuckles after stealing a robot from another era.

The robot makes its way up to Walt saying "I will protect you Will" . Walt being just a kid , knows not of this robot and says "Look at me you ghetto trash compactor, do I look like a Will Robinson ? Your on the wrong beach."

The man walking like a debutant walks up to the robot. Lights flash then it shuts off. "This thing just talked to me, I have to find someones hole in the jungle" All eyes turn towards the bra-less nurse.
 

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Director yells CUT!

" We've got two people in parachutes stuck in a palm tree. How believable is that going to be for the viewing audience. Something needs to be done, and its too late for a re-write. I need the writing staff to come up with a back story linking Colleen and Peter!.
 
Howdy mate how are they hanging,
Would you have have a coldie for a digger, i am as dry as a dead Dingo's willy,
I said to the guy at the base of the tree.

The odd man looks up and promptly falls over.

Well bugger me guess i frightenened him a tad.

Just then a creak was heard above my head, looking up I saw the motor of my powered parachute give up its grip on the palm and come crashing down past me dragging me behind it.

Shit (and other words with similar meanings) i am in trouble now.
On the way down the only two things i could think of was a song from Billy Joel, sing us a song Mr piano man and i wonder where i am( it was a high palm)

On hitting the ground fortnunatly i landed on some soft white powder which wafted into the air.
This blocked out the vision of the lovely bunch of coconuts that became dislodged and fell, hitting me on the head, I blacked out.......

Is this a dream or was there 2 parachuts in the sky before?
 
Looking up to see this multi-colored shrieking woman coming directly at Glen, he did the only brave, no cross that out, stupid thing possible. He tried to catch her.

Landing on the ground and rolling up in the chute , Collen whispers in Glen's ear. "I came for those pictures. "

Trying to be a gentleman, but managing to fondle every inch of Colleen and saying "Exsqueeze me" many times, Glen's head pops out of the chute. "Look there is another chute" says Glen

"Is it moving ?" ask Colleen who is really starting to undulate.

"Um I dont think so" say Glen as he is hauled down into the chute again.

{{who is this strange woman}}
{{why is she so wild to get some pictures}}
{{who came down in that other... OH MY}}
{{Im going to need a Nurse if this keeps up}}
 
Meanwhile in a dark 1 bedroom dive in L.A. it has just turned middnight when a buzzing fills the air.

What in the world is that mumbles the man in the bed as he wakes up.
Oh its the phone and picks it up.
Dont you know what time it is and us writers need to get some sleep he yells in to the phone.

This is the director of LOST and in the script we have there is only one parachute person in the film, now we have two. As they are on an island and have no way off you need to write the second guy in, NOW.

Give me a minute to think of somthing, the writer mumbled still half asleep.

10 min went by and the director couldnt wait any more and yelled down the phone, whats so hard with this, surely somthing comes to mind, spies, secret police, any thing.

What about we make them long lost school sweethearts who have been chatting on the net for a while and they decided to meet for the first time in 30 years but the "thing" that brought the plane down also messed with the powered parachute replied the writer.

Surely you can ablib for now or make somthing else up until i can write somthing down in a day or 2.
Now dont ring again.

Now where was i, ah yes, Debbie and Julie.:wink:
 
Deep in the mountains, Wright finds himself hanging by his heels in the net that trapped him.

"Don't geeve me none of your merde," the crazed woman cries, jabbing him with a cattle prod. "Who are you and where did you come from?

"I was a passenger on a plane that crashed landed on this island."

"Hah! You are one of zee Others and I will keel you! I want my bebe back." She whips out a tazer and zaps him a few times.

"How long have you been on this island," he gasps when the pain subsides.

"Twenty years," she says, zapping him in a particularly sensitive spot.

"But they didn't have tazers then," he screams.

"Well, then how did I get one, answer me that! What do you think ... we are stuck in some sort of warped space-time continuum?" She laughs maniacal laughter. It goes on and on. "I need my lability meds," she mutters. "I've been out for 20 years."

"What about the transmitter?" he asks. "We can call for help."

"Oh, that damn thing wore out 20 years ago. The voices you heard were echoes of long-ago transmissions. We are doomed. Doomed, I say. Now get out!" She cuts him down, and he falls to the ground, accidently ripping open his shirt to the naval. She scans his toned pecs. "But first, would you like a drink? It's been a long time since I've had a gentleman caller. " She points a rifle at his head.

"Sure, why not. I'm not driving," he replies, and they both chuckle. Her chuckles swell into laughter,then shrieking sobs.

In the background, the ominous black smoke quietly licks its butt.
 
The ominous sounds of whispering voices are heard echoing from the depths of jungle. Glen and The Evil Twin, out searching for food, stop dead in their tracks. "I get the feeling something bad is going to happen," suggests the Evil Twin. "Brilliant deduction," muses Glen sarcastically (never missing an opportunity for a smartass remark.) Just then a rustling sound is heard in the trees.

"Run!" screams the Evil Twin as the Black Smoke Monster takes chase after the terrified survivors.

They take refuge in a tiny clearing in the bamboo trees and just as the monster is about to attack, it retreats and swirls away returning to the crazed French lady who is opening a can of Meow Mix while calling, "Rambeau! C'est le dinner!"

"We need to build a raft and get the hell outta here." Glen is telling the other survivors back at their beach camp. Wright is gathering bamboo sticks and tree branches with which to build it but still wishing he was having drinks with the French lady who could mix a mean martini for such a crazed castaway.

Finally the raft is ready. Cowboy Barry, Nurse Rose, PZ and Glen climb aboard. The plan is that they will sail out onto the Pacific Ocean until they encounter a ship and send for help. The raft sets sail and that night, their radar sweep turns up a boat in the distance. They fire their single flare, and the boat approaches them.

"Thank goodness you found us!" cries Nurse Rose whose white dress has been further disheveled to nothing more than a torn swim suit.

Convinced they think they are about to be saved, they tell the group of four strangers on the boat that they are the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815. The boat's captain demands that they hand over "the nurse." Barry tries to pull his gun, but he is shot in the shoulder by one of the other crewmen and falls into the water. PZ jumps into the water to try and save Barry, while the strangers overpower Glen and kidnap Nurse Rose. As they sail off, one of the crewmen throws an explosive onto the raft, destroying it as our survivors bob in the dark water in shock.
 
Glen and PZ instinctively tread water, supporting Cowboy Barry on either side. Barry's teeth begin to chatter, and his shoulder leaves an ominous trail of blood in the water. The ship carrying Nurse Rose grows smaller, and on the horizon there is the telltale triangle surging through the ocean's surface. Could it be a shark fin? or rather that of a dolphin.... thankfully the stranded men had not yet noticed it...

Suddenly PZ feels a nudge against his side, and the bedraggled band of would be hero's find that two fearless and ferocious schnoodles have come to their rescue. The dogs have towed two seat cushions from the mangled wreckage of the plane. The dogs intuitively understood the seats could be used as flotation devices. Chico, being the older and wiser dog, had a life preserver pouch between his jaws, so there was hope for the injured Barry,

Arf arf! As abruptly as they appeared, they turn, lunging in the water, leading the way back to shore.

Meanwhile, Nurse Rose has her own set of problems..
 
As they reach shore, the heretofore silent southern belle stuns all with "Well, I'll be deep-fried in bacon fat!"

All heads turn in her direction. A gentleman named Joel in a tattered grey suit (that now resembles an ensemble off the rack from ACDC's dressing room) with tie still intact asks, "Just what is that supposed to mean? We're going to survive this. We will find a way to get off this island!" He shakes his fist at the sea.

She replies, "Well I'm just surprised that's all. I could have sworn that was the professor and the billionaire on that boat that kidnapped that woman! And besides, the boat's name was SS Minnow! Hey wait a minute! Do you suppose they are behind the black-smoke-monster-thingy?"

All eyes turn to the jungle as silence pervades the oncoming dusk.
 
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