Mob Follies: Chornicles of a Forum Crime Family

[thelma313]

Mob Follies: Chronicles of a Forum Crime Family

FADE FROM BLACK: Interior of Don Barry Corleone's home office - Dr. Glen Brittoli, aka Dr. Roddick Bangs, is seated in front of the Don's desk.

"Don Barry, I believe in my cure. It has made my fortune. I even cured Miss Beth, remember her of the March House girls?” The Don nods, "Yes I remember. Her twitching was out of control."

Seated at the Don’s feet are two ferocious Schnoodle/Rottweillers, Chico and Ernie. Chico sticks his butt in Ernie’s face, "Say hello to my little friend…"

Dr.Brittoli looks away, disgusted and says, "I’ve come to you today because someone, who goes by the initials PZ, has infiltrated my turf. He says he cured himself of all his twitching and he is stealing my business."

Don Barry, sitting behind his desk and petting one of the menacing mutts, asks "So what is it that you want me to do about your problem?" The Doctor gets up and whispers his request into Don Barry's ear.

"That I cannot do," says the Godfather. But Brittoli begs, "Please I’ll give you anything you ask."

The Don frowns. "Doc, We've known each other many years but I can't even remember the last time that you invited me to your house for a cup of coffee, even though my wife is godmother to your only son. But let's be frank here: you never wanted my friendship. And, you were afraid to be in my debt. But now you come to me and you say -- "Don Barry give me justice." -- But you don't ask with RESPECT. You don't offer friendship. You don't even think to call me Godfather. Instead, you come into my house on the day my daughter, Rose is to be married, and you ask me to do murder… for money."

The Doctor replies, "I ask you for justice."

"That is not justice; your business is still alive."

"I want PZ to suffer then, as my business suffers…. How much shall I pay you?"

Don Barry Corleone stands, turning his back to the doctor. "Doc... Doc... What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? Had you come to me in friendship, then this scum that ruined your business would be suffering this very day."

"Don, please be my friend --"

The Don shrugs.

"-- Godfather?"

The Doctor kisses Don Barry Corleone’s hand.

The Don accepts, "Good…. some day - and that day may never come - I'll call upon you to do a service for me, capish? But until that day, accept this justice as a gift on my daughter's wedding day."

The Doctor breathes a sigh of relief, "Grazie, Godfather."

Then Don Barry calls in his #1 hitman, Alfredo "The Scorcher" Barzini, Al for short, "Go get this PZ. Rough him up a little bit…. I mean, we're not murderers, despite what the undertaker says….."


CUT TO: On the other side of town, in a makeshift basement laboratory, PZ and his female assassins, Thelma "The Evil Twin" Mancini (3-time female boxing champion) and Mona "The Southern Belle" Brasi (black belt in Ju-Jitsu) are cooking up some more Zaphotek, a so-called miracle drug that will wipe out all the twitching in all the world and threaten to put a real end to Doctor Brittoli’s trafficking business….

 

[BarryG]

Don Corleone walks slowly back out to join the wedding party. His stomach is really bothering him today and having his celebration interrupted by Dr. Brittolli has aggravated his ulcers. "Why is my beautiful, smart daughter marrying that putz? he says to himself. Unable to come up with an answer he pours himself a large glass of Merlot which he knows will really not help his stomach but he doesn't care.

He calls to Joel, his trusted consiglierei, "Ok Joel, couple things, first I sent Al out to look after some business and I want you to make sure that the cops, especially that damn Smelliot Mess, don't come after us. I mean what do we pay them for anyway?" "Ok Boss I'll look after it, what else? says Joel. "The other thing that I want you to do is fix that sign on the front of the movie theater down the street, who's ever heard of The Chornicles of Narnia and what is with the talking lion?

 

[GlenBrittle]

Dr Brittoli walks back to his office down the block.

He sees his friend Angelo , waiting for his arrival. Sitting beside Angelo is Mare , the good twin , apparently off in her own little world.

"Angelo , good to see you my friend" "what brings you up from your estate in Florida"

Angelo , his face sullen from worry , looks at his daughter , the good daughter , and explains:
"Mare came up here to spend some time with her sister Thelma, and I thought to myself , how bad can that be" "The next morning , I am getting calls from the local cappo that she has gone crazy, and they have her in a holding room."
"When I get up here , they tell me that she was with her sister who is working for this new punk PZ, and that her sister gave some of the new designer smack they are pushing. They pulled her out of the old theater running old movies."

Mare looks up at Dr Glen and waggles a crooked finger at him.
"Just try and stay out of my way. Just try! I'll get you, my pretty and your little dog too! "

Angelo turns back to Dr Brittoli and before he can say a word , Mare starts again
"Going so soon? I wouldn't hear of it. Why my little party's just beginning. "
"Helping the little lady along are you, my fine gentlemen? Well stay away from her, or I'll stuff a mattress with you! And you, I'll make you into a beehive. Here Scarecrow, want to play ball? "

Angelo , a patient good hearted man , reaches over to hold Mare , but she stands up , wobbles and falls to the floor. "You cursed brat! Look what you've done! I'm melting! melting! Oh, what a world! What a world!"

Dr Brittoli calls the local hospital , and orders a ambulance to come and get the now unconscious Mare and get her into a room. "Angelo , we need to let her get through this. "

Thinking to himself, "kids these days dont want the old time highs, they go after the designer stuff that really hooks you. I hope AL runs that punk out of town or feeds him to the fishes"

 

[thelma313]

Joel, the family's consiglieri, is not Sicilian. However he is highly respected by the Corleones for his take-no-prisoners approach to the family business. He walks through Rose Corleone's wedding reception, taking a glass of Merlot from a tray as he passes a waiter. Joel stops for a moment to watch the Corleones pose for a family portrait and then continues out the front door. He gets in his Alpha Romeo and drives to the old movie theater and parks out front. He looks up at the marquis which reads, "The Chornicles of Narnia."

"Ridiculous." He says to himself as he opens the trunk of his car and removes his Uzi. He takes aim and showers the marquis with a spray of bullets. The letters shatter and fall like rain.

 

[BethU]

Cut to Makeshift Lab: PZ tastes the Zaphotek, and twitches triumphantly. "This will put the Corleones out of business for good," he gloats. "I will give mankind the ability to twitch only upon my command! Hit it girls." He snaps his fingers and Frank Sinatra steps from behind the curtain crooning "Betwitched, Bothered and Bewildered," as the girls twitch in unison behind him, and the Makeshift Lab howls softly.

Across town, Ernie turns to Chico and barks "I think there's a Lab out there intent on putting our masters out of business. Let's go get 'em."

"Arf," Chico replies in assent, and they race off.

At that moment, the Blushing Bride Rose whips a butcher knife from her bustier, and approaches her groom. "Let's cut the cake, honey," she coos, brandishing her blade.

"Arf," he replies in the affirmative, relieved that she was not threatening him with more pre-nup surgery. She scratches him under the chin. "Good boy, good boy. Sit. Stay."

Fade to commercial.

 

[BarryG]

The Scorcher Al is looking for the Lab but only finding German Shepherds, Malamutes, Poodles, and even Dachsunds but no Lab. Al's helper, a one legged, one eyed, deaf-mute with a serious case of the twitches named Lucky is fending off an albino Alsatian who is chewing on his PEG leg.

"I keep tellin everybody that we're just a couple of Goodfellas but for some reason they don't believe me" says Al as he loads a clip into his machine gun. "My old papa once told me first you get the money. Then you get the power. Then you get the women."

Ernie and Chico, who have been following Al and Lucky, are very amused by all the activities of their canine cousins. They come across Lucky's shotgun and lunch that he dropped in the wrestling match with the Alsatian. "Leave the gun. Take the cannolis." says Ernie "I'm hungry. The search continues...

 

[GlenBrittle]

>>> Commercial <<<

Do you have unsightly bodies in the cellar , in the shed , trunk of your car ? Got an unwanted neighbour ?

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The latest in do-it-yourself footwear , its Moxy Feet .

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Slip someones feet into the plastic molds , pour in the Moxy powder , add water and SHAMWOW , Moxy Feet.

Imagine the hours of enjoyment you will have after tossing them overboard and watching them sink.

Get this kit for that special someone you don't want to knife.

Moxy Feet are not available in any store , and you order them directly at 1-900-DED-FISH.

The first 100 orders will receive this free extra gift . Its the Tire Billy , guaranteed to tire that lucky someone OUT - out to lunch.

 

[BarryG]

Back to the action after those fine words from our sponsor

In a dingy office in the downtown police station stands a strange man with an even stranger mohawk hairdo. He is looking at himself in a mirror and saying "You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? His name is Smelliot Mess and he is Untouchable. He has no personality that anyone can find but he doesn't care cause he is on the side of the right and the free. His whole goal and purpose in life is to bring the Corleone family to justice but so far he hasn't had much luck. In fact he has failed at everything since he arrested Al Capone over 20 years before so he is trying a new tactic, going undercover as a taxi driver. He hopes that by calling his taxi company "La Costa Nothing" he will get some "family" business but so far they haven't called.

The boredom is really getting to him and he is starting to hallucinate that he is in front of Don Barry with nothing to lose but his sanity.

Meanwhile downstairs in lost and found someone has turned in a dozen horse heads. The desk officer is puzzled because the all of the heads have a very wooden expression and there is no blood just sawdust. I finally dawns on the officer that these are no ordinary horse heads, they are from a merry-go-round and that somewhere out there there is a nightmare kiddie ride full of decapitated ponies.

 

[Marjorie R. Wilcox]

What on earth is this about?

 

[tdamess]

i dont know but you guys are great
i will delete this post after yous read it so as not to interupted the story

 

[DgtofTNfan]

Joel steps back and into the mayhem created by the falling remnants of the theatre sign he just riddled with holes. He brushes the debris off his shoulders and mutters, "I could have had class. I could have been a contender. I could have been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, lets face it." His thoughts turn to his sweet Rose and that d*mn wedding picture he should have been in.....

Meanwhile across town a phone rings. There is a call for Mancini but the young lad who answered would rather eat nails than descend the stairs and approach Mancini. He knew Brasi was with her and was sure to be used as a punching bag or strangled by a nunchuck just for their entertainment. He rubs his neck remembering the last time he made eye contact with Brasi. The alternative was to do nothing and suffer the consequences of not delivering the message. Mancini's sister was in the hospital. He was the messenger, it was his duty. He inched toward the stairs.

Mancini and Brasi are breathless from twitching to the sounds of Ol Blue Eyes as they glare at the whelp approaching.....

 

[thelma313]

The young lad, who they all refer to simply as "The Kid" nervously approaches Thelma Mancini with a phone in his hand. There is no news from the hospital. Instead the unknown caller on the line informs Mancini that someone is standing outside the door to the lab with a package. She sends the Kid to get it and he scurries away, terrified but grateful that none of his bones are broken.

The Kid opens the door and standing outside is Dana Fantino, one of the most ruthless female mobsters associated with the Corleone family. Her face is slightly obscured by her tilted fedora and she's cleaning her nails with a 9-inch machete, "I got a special delivery for PZ." She smiles and points to a package on the ground at her feet. "Go ahead, Kid, pick it up."

The Kid is trembling with fear, his hands shaking as he takes the package. It's wrapped in plain brown paper.

The Kid enters the basement lab with the package. The female assassins are listening to Frank Sinatra again. The Kid places the package on Mona's lap. She unwraps it and sees it's a dead fish. "What the hell is this?" she asks.

Thelma replies, "It's a Sicilian message. It means PZ sleeps with the fishes."

The turf war is on.

 

[rose]

Mona (her southern accent, as always, makes her seem deceptively sweet and naive) replies "turf war? I'm an educated consumer, I've seen the Willie Pays infomercials, I know exactly what our turf needs to green-up and be rid of any nasty parasites, dead spots and snakes in the grass! Dr. Glen Brittoli and Don Barry Corleone are no match for our labs, combined with a little of Willie Pays' " Equalizer Sizer" sprinkled in. All we have to do is arrange a sit down. I'll sashay by, and drop a little in their libations, and next thing they know, it will be them taking that swim!,.... ya'll know what I mean?"

PZ jerks his head around, (which is not hard for him, as jerking comes easily) Shhhhh, did you hear that?

Chico and Ernie hang back in the shadows....

Meanwhile, across town, the wedding reception draws to an end. Rose excuses herself to use the ladies room. There she sits in front of the dressing table mirror murmuring to herself, "What did I get myself into? How can a Made Family Member, skilled not only in the art of interrogation, but in pouring drinks at 35,000 feet during a turbulence without spilling a drop, resign herself to a life in the burbs!.... next thing I know, I'll be using Miracle Gro for my roses rather than the good 'family style' fertilizer.... and what about my sweet Ernie? How is he going to feel about having a real man in the household who's better trained, and doesn't even have to ride in the booster seat? ....

(FADE TO COMMERCIAL BREAK)

 

[BethU]

After the commercial is glued back together, we fade in to ...

Chico and Ernie, who have cornered the Makeshift Lab, resulting in a cluster-sniff of gigantic proportions. They discover, to their delight, that they are all members of the Caninebini Family, and Makeship Lab agrees to betray his master, steal the recipie for Bush's Baked Beans ... sorry, I mean Zaphotek ... and wipe out PZ, Ol Blue Eyes, and the Scooby-Dooby-Doo back up singers in one swell foop.

They work out a fool proof plot. Makeshift Lab will beg for walkies. Chico will hide a gun behind the hearest fire hydrant. Makeshift will pick up the gun and come back blazing bullets. "Make sure the gun is there," Ernie growls. "I don't want him coming back with nothing but his bone in his mouth."

They all undulate their tails in anticipation ...

 

[GlenBrittle]

Dana Fantino , having quietly followed the kid inside , hangs at the top of the stairs while the kid delivers the package. Expecting someone to come running up the stairs , she lies in waiting , with 9 inches in her hand , eager to thrust it into one of Mancini or Brasi.

Hearing the plan being made for the Don , she moves out of the house and closes the door. The window in the door rattles and she hopes no one had heard that.

Back in the Dons' office , Dana repeats the words heard from the basement of PZ's .

"Where is AL , he should have already taken care of that PZ punk and his CHI AGGANCIA\UNCINA " "I sent him to take care of this"



Back at the hospital , Mare is coming out of her detox , finding herself strapped down. "What the hell is going on ? Why am I strapped down ? Hello ?"

Margorie M Wilcox , still lost , wandering and wondering , hears Mares cursing and walks into her room. "Oh Dear , you are in a fine state aren't you."

Mare , not knowing this stranger , tries her best to be calm. "Please , can you release me , I was at a party yesterday with my sister, we went to the movies , and I woke up here. Please help me."

Margorie, always the curious girl , asks "What do you remember?"

Mare , going pale and looking like she is going to spew , starts to speak in a weird voice.
"there was this terrible storm coming , a tornado I think , and I was riding my bike"
"the storm hit taking me to ... ummm ... I dont know ... but the house landed on this witch and they said it was my sister. "

Margorie , is starting to be afraid , since Mare is looking a little greenish.

"It was that girl Dorothy and her little dog Toto" " I will get them." "haaaaa haaaaa haaaaa" "Your not in Kansas anymore"

Margorie, left the room hoping that whatever she had was not infectious .