Old 05-13-2017, 06:05 AM #1 (permalink)
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Default A Spring cleaning of attitude

A recent post in the calls section has made me re evaluate my attitude to things.

Who we were as a person has a big impact on how we deal with the monster and how hard/ easy we make things for our family cals friends as things progress.

I was always a doer an organiser a busy person, someone that others came to for help rather than needing help. The inability to control my surroundings has been the most difficult part of my adjustment.

As my daughter and husband have taken over the housework there have been a few disagreements on what is ok and what is not as far as the cleaning goes, I thought I had eased up on my normally neat freak tendencies and was being more relaxed about things. Apparently not! I didn't want to cause them hassle but was getting itsy and ratty because the house hadn't had its sprint deep clean and I was noticing more and more bits wrong. I got my pension finally! So I decided to pay for a professional cleaners to come in and blitz the house and ironing so I could relax and not make my cals feel bad.

Well I got a huge reality check, I was merrily telling the cleaners how much it had built up and how it was going to take a bit to get everything up to scratch. They actually stared at me gobsmacked.....
They felt there wasn't that much to do and the house was really clean. They are a professional cleaning company you have to accept the opinion of the experts. The only bit that had gotten bad was the oven.

So I have come to the realisation that I am an OCD clean freak my cals are normal and I need to let go.

I was causing problems and I didn't realise how demoralising my family felt when all their work wasn't good enough for unreasonable me. The problem had nothing to do with als itself or ftd which I don't have thankfully, and everything to do with who I am as a person. It's not been nice for me to accept this side of my personality and it's effects on others.

I am keeping the cleaners to reduce the load on my family, and my daughter has gleefully told me she will remind me any time I backslide. We are all human we are all falliable and sometimes we are all wrong.

I have just realised this is a bit of a mad ramble, but it has felt good to get it out.

Wendy
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Old 05-13-2017, 08:14 AM #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: A Spring cleaning of attitude

Hugs Wendy! It is never easy to have others doing things you used to do while you watch. Good for you for recognizing and acting to fix things. It will likely be a family joke now.

It is great that you have the cleaners coming in regularly too. Big help for the family and you
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Old 05-13-2017, 02:21 PM #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: A Spring cleaning of attitude

Wendy, the hardest thing I have come to deal with is paying people to do things I once could do... cleaning the gutters (Got one over 20' feet off the ground. Heights never bothered me because when I first left the Army I worked for American Bridge out of Tampa Florida. Now I can't use a step ladder.) even use a wheel barrow for yard work, cleaning the sky lights we have in the roof, we have 100' oak trees surrounding our house and occasionally big limbs or even a whole tree may come... now a chain saw is now too dangerous for me to use, we always have a small garden... a rototiller is now more than I can handle... ALL these things I am paying someone to do. It is hard to get used to. Most of all when I am watching someone else do it! Can't really say it's driving me crazy because some believe I'm already there.

Ok, I am grateful I can afford to pay to have these things done. I think of those who may not.

I try to remember, for now, my diagnosis is PLS and always remember those who are ALS and their caregivers. In a lesser way I know where you are coming from. OCD is tougher to let go of than just a bad habit.

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Old 05-13-2017, 03:20 PM #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: A Spring cleaning of attitude

Wendy that is huge! Sending you the biggest hug for seeing this in yourself and working to change it. I agree with Nikki it will become a bit of a family joke and remember that you have taught the next 2 generations something important too by facing this head on.
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Old 05-13-2017, 05:23 PM #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: A Spring cleaning of attitude

Oh yea... Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, OCD, can also mean...

Compulsive Cleaning Disorder!

It can also be found right here with people who post in this Forum.
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Old 05-13-2017, 06:15 PM #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: A Spring cleaning of attitude

I can be accused of being OCD Al but not of having a cleaning disorder!
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Old 05-13-2017, 07:32 PM #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: A Spring cleaning of attitude

Tillie, not sure of what you're referring to... my thought was the DIHALS sub-forum where some posters go 3 and 4 pages trying to convince themselves (and us) they have ALS. They eventually just quit posting or get run off but still believe to this day their anxiety is ALS. And... occasionally they reappear months later.

Sat thinking about this for a few minutes... ok, I get it... I think. Let's go here... there is not good OCD and there is good helpful OCD. And really... Obsessive Cleaning Disorder isn't a bad thing either.

Back to Wendy...
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Old 05-13-2017, 08:00 PM #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: A Spring cleaning of attitude

Wendy,

I could have written your post.

Before ALS, you could have eaten off my floors and there was not a speck of dirt or clutter anywhere in my condo. I gutted it in 2011 and remodeled the entire thing. After that I had a cleaning company come every other week and I kept it meticulously organized and dirt free in between. I was actually diagnosed with OCD and know my brother has it too, as well as our mother. My life ran like a well oiled machine and I was also the "go to" person for anything that needed doing, both at work and in my personal life.

As hard as I try, I cannot stop trying to run the show and the little things out of order still bother me.

Thanks for posting this.
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Old 05-14-2017, 05:47 AM #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: A Spring cleaning of attitude

Oh Al I thought you were saying OCD can also mean a compulsive cleaning disorder - meaning the person just has to clean stuff.

I'm sure I'm rather OCD, but NOT with housework, I hate housework and will happily OCD myself about just about anything else. I'm not a slob, but I do have a sister who has a compulsive cleaning disorder and I know I don't
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Old 05-14-2017, 01:42 PM #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: A Spring cleaning of attitude

Wendy,
Good for you!
I have always lived in "organized chaos". Never had an issue with it. Now? Can't stand it! I've stepped to "cluttered". Trying to get to "immaculately clean". I don't think anyone has enough time for me to get there! Lol.

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Old 05-15-2017, 05:44 PM #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: A Spring cleaning of attitude

Thanks for this excellent thread. I have always done things the way I thought they should be done, i.e. "the right way". It took me way too long to realize that other people had their own way of "doing it the right way". I now have learned to keep my mouth shut - - -(most of the time).
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Old 05-16-2017, 09:04 AM #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: A Spring cleaning of attitude

Wendy, my grandmother used to tell me that we are put on earth to learn. I've often pondered the question of what Matt had to learn---and here it is. Sometimes I get a testy as he points out things that need to be done. Things that used to matter to me. Things we had time and strength for. Now, in my rational, compassionate moments, I know that his only ways of contributing are to notice things I don't,, advise and direct, and pay for someone else to take care of them. When this trip is over, I'm hiring someone to clean. Perhaps then I'll feel better about some of the other things.

I LOVE a clean house. Right now I"d be very happy to have a neat on.

There...that's maybe part of what this process is teaching me. Some things are far less important that people.

Thank you, Wendy.
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Old 05-16-2017, 05:24 PM #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: A Spring cleaning of attitude

Don't get me wrong, I love a clean and neat house too.

I just don't love doing that stuff!
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Old 05-16-2017, 05:53 PM #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: A Spring cleaning of attitude

Well now I'm Cross grr..... I don't know whether to laugh hysterically or cry.

I was happy my daughter was happy the cleaners worked really hard and we had a fresh deep cleaned kitchen, then my husband came home and turned his nose up and made comments!

I tell you if I had enough strength to throw something at him I would have, cheeky blighter. Ahh well at least I helped my daughter.

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Old 05-17-2017, 12:30 AM #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: A Spring cleaning of attitude

my advice is to laugh hysterically
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