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arkallen

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We didn’t go to church the other day, which for us is rare. I remember another distant day when our van filled with our young children got hopelessly bogged between farm cottage and front gate. Forced to abandon our plans we had great fun at home that day, but there was a thwarted, sad feel to the day as well. I feel like that right now. Unless we are away, we go to church. It’s a life habit, among the best we have.

Church is the highest and the lowest point in my normal week. Without a doubt church is the week’s highlight: to meet friends, to join in the loud, vibrant worship, to pray and to listen; it’s very good indeed. Just as surely, though, it is the loneliest moment of the week. Nowhere else am I so confronted with the full gamut of loss that has occurred in the last few years. The songs I don’t sing, instruments I don’t play, the standing I don’t join in, the conversations I don’t have, and perhaps worst of all the roles I no longer fill. The excited buzz of week-end chat cocoons me in a silken cave of dark silence at times. It’s tough turning up for that. It would be so easy not to bother; and I understand why people who don’t fit the mould sometimes vanish from our midst.

We didn’t go to church because I went the day before – all day – and I was spent! The toll of our church’s Annual Conference (a key date, not to be missed) was physical, emotional and even spiritual. The day began uneasily at home with a reading for the day coming from the ancient history of Solomon’s Temple. “I have taken great pains”, Kind David wrote, “to provide for the temple of the Lord a hundred thousand talents of gold, a million talents of silver, quantities of bronze and iron too great to be weighed”. In very rough figuring the value of these metals would exceed 600 billion dollars today; a figure too enormous to be grasped, and so unlikely as to make me wonder (not for the first time) how such passages of scripture should be read. I am not afraid of these niggling problems with our Holy Book, although in the past I have been more circumspect in discussing them openly. It was not a comforting start to a day that would grow more literal, perhaps even fanatical, as the hours passed. In the first break an unknown man barreled up and asked me without introduction,

“Do you have faith to be healed?”
I dread this conversation, it never ends well. In the din of a room full of talk I could not make myself heard and tried instead to sign to this fellow that I had no voice; but in the way of such people he seemed somewhat slow on the uptake. He had an agenda that allowed little sensitivity. Finally he got the picture, and helpfully reissued his challenge:

“That doesn’t matter, just nod! It’s a simple question, Do you believe?”
It was clearly time for my computer to be come out.

‘You would have to sit where I sit’, I typed, ‘to know that it’s not that simple at all’.
But for him there was only one possible outcome for people in wheelchairs, and on he ploughed.

‘Friend’, I typed (odd how that word get’s used!), ‘I think we will leave it there’.
I closed the lid of my computer, a little emphatically, and thankfully he got the point and wandered off; presumably to torment some other victim with his thin brand of faith.

I do believe that God heals, and He provides, and He helps daily. But the longer I live, and the more I read, the less convinced I am that that’s all He does. As my good friend likes to say, ‘eventually we need a more nuanced faith’.

Much of the day’s teaching I enjoyed: “Whoever taught you that you can live without prayer?” asked one speaker. But some I found frustratingly narrow. The urgent problem of unanswered prayer was answered much too simply. A sharp line was drawn between injury – which is acceptable for a Christian – and disease – which is not. With enough of the right sort of prayer anything can go our way. For me it was all a little too cut and dried.

One of the presenters eventually prayed for me, at the urging of a friend I think. I liked the way he spoke onstage, and I liked the way he prayed as well. But….. I am a husband, a father, a grandfather, a writer, a person with responsibilities, with opportunities and a full life of my own. And maybe I also have a wheelchair and a few medical issues. But they are at the bottom of my list, so why must they go at the top of his? This simplistic reduction irks me, but of course there was no chance to explain or engage in the conversation I would have liked.

I love our church, and I believe. I am less sure exactly what I believe than I once was, but I do believe.
I believe in God, the Father almighty, maker of heaven and earth: and in Jesus Christ, his only Son our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Ghost, born of the virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, dead and buried. He descended into hell; the third day he rose again from the dead; he ascended into heaven, and sitteth on the right hand of God the Father almighty; from thence he will come to judge the quick and the dead. I believe in the Holy Ghost, the holy catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting. Amen.
As I learn the language of silence (having spent so many years employed in speech) I find that I need fewer answers than I once did. My silence seems to be in some way an echo of God’s own quiet voice. The bible is an enormous book, and yet there is so much it leaves unsaid. So many mysteries, so much trust, so much faith.
 
Dear Roderick: I am truly moved by your writing, your questions and thoughts on church and belief. I too have found a
deep peace in silence; I love how you liken it to God's own quiet voice. I also have questions and and also trust. I was really
good to read your post. Thank you and God bless you!
 
Beautiful! Merry Christmas and a peaceful New Year
 
I love it. Thank you I love my church. But some days. Just can't make it. God says any time 2 or more are gathered in my name. I am there. My husband and I as well as whomever else is with us at the time. Go down on our knees and thank God for all the blessings he has given our family. And pray for the healing of all our friends and family My faith is strong. I know he has a plan for all of us. I accept what he has planned for me. My faith is peace as well as silence I know he hears me and I feel his love surround me.
Merry Christmas
Love
Felica
 
Roderick,
So good to read your writing once again. We don't hear from you often enough. I am always blessed by your thoughts and your ability to put them so eloquently. Wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year.
Linda
 
Roderick,

What a deep perspective. I could just picture the scene. Your words need to be read several
times. It takes me several times to hear what you said. Time does not permit for me to give the
whole account of what happen to Eddie.

He wanted a Christian women to come and read the Bible and pray with him. She is kinda like
what you described. Her and I are on the same page, for the most part. BUT

She constantly told him he was getting out of that bed. That he was getting better physically.
It goes against everything we believe as Christians to deny that, however, name it and claim it
hurts more people than it helps.

I admit, I don't have a corner on all that. God is still in the healing buisness, no doubt. BUT

How, why, when, where, I don't know. I will take all the prayer I can get. Faith, pleasing to God.

The three Hebrew children cast into the fire, Our God can deliver us out of this fire, "But if He does
not" we will praise Him still. Amen..

Wonderfully written. Very good teaching material. Thank God for your maturity.

Blessing,
 
I enjoy telling folks that it is ''THEIR' lack of faith preventing me from being healed. there are biblical references where the ill persons friends or family seek Jesus for healing their friend/family.

for those that ask I say pray for God's will, i know my final destination
 
Roderick,

I am finding more truth in the phrase, "Silence is golden" as my spiritual life grows. Of course prayer is necessary, but Jesus' prayer example is so simple in speech, yet so profound upon examination. Many times my prayers are repetitive even I am sure to God's ears. The Father knows my thoughts even before they are formed. So of late, I sit quietly. I speak to Him asking for His guidance to me. I wait upon the Lord.

As I grow older, becoming SIMPLER seems better.

Thank you for your insights and sharing with all of us.

I am your sister In Christ,

Kaye
 
"As I learn the language of silence (having spent so many years employed in speech) I find that I need fewer answers than I once did. My silence seems to be in some way an echo of God’s own quiet voice. "

COULDN'T SAY IT ANY BETTER THAN THIS! AMEN! AMEN!
 
"As I learn the language of silence (having spent so many years employed in speech) I find that I need fewer answers than I once did. My silence seems to be in some way an echo of God’s own quiet voice. "

COULDN'T SAY IT ANY BETTER THAN THIS! AMEN! AMEN!

And I don't know that I could have said it without some of your insights Sharon! Thank you.
 
Roderick,

I am finding more truth in the phrase, "Silence is golden" as my spiritual life grows. Of course prayer is necessary, but Jesus' prayer example is so simple in speech, yet so profound upon examination. Many times my prayers are repetitive even I am sure to God's ears. The Father knows my thoughts even before they are formed. So of late, I sit quietly. I speak to Him asking for His guidance to me. I wait upon the Lord.

As I grow older, becoming SIMPLER seems better.

Thank you for your insights and sharing with all of us.

I am your sister In Christ,

Kaye

Hello Kaye,
What treasures lie in that phrase "Wait upon the Lord". I think that the answers to so many questions lie there; and of course the answers are quite often silence. But as you say, silence can be Golden.
Blessings to you!
 
BUT ... She constantly told him he was getting out of that bed. That he was getting better physically.
It goes against everything we believe as Christians to deny that, however, name it and claim it
hurts more people than it helps.

It's so hard to ballance these two things isn't it Jim? You find yourself yearning to keep faith without either presumption or resignation. Thank God for the Spirit that is our companion and guide. Appreciated your thoughts Jim.

Blessings!
 
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