my new year resolution

[MaxwellMurder]

i have thought long and hard i know its late, but my resolution is to do my best to get my poems published by 2011, take a look at this one and let me know what you think. much love and thanx


Don’t be Quick

Do I seem sad to thee
Are my eyes not wet with happy tears
Do I not cast down thy judgment
As little white lies
White lies for black times
Untold secrets that hold no truth
Do I seem sad to thee
Is my walk not a strut
Or my stride not a waltz
Do I not slap down thy guilt
And lift mine own head in glee
Do I seem sad to thee
Is there no smile as big as thine
When I clear thee’s spit from my face
Or no will stronger when I turn the other cheek
Do I seem sad to thee

 

[BethU]

OK, I'm no critic, but here's my take. Very strong, very angry, very powerful.

In my reading, there is confusion ... is the poet talking about himself or JC? That tension/uncertainty helps make it as potent as it is.

OK, I'll be a critic ... do you mean "thy spit" rather than "thee's spit" third line from the bottom?

 

[MaxwellMurder]

old english is odd, thee's works as 2nd person singular, i dont understand old english half the time because it jumps around so much but my editor told me everything she saw and got from what she read thees was the way to go and i took her word for, if shes wrong i'm glad i dont pay her. and the poem is threw my eyes, the back story was just how a few people would look at me after i was diagnosed, like me as a person had changed

 

[brooksea]

Well I like it! Agree with Beth about the "thee's" needs to be "thy." I don't care what your editor says! LOL It just sounds better. I really do like it! Very on the edge... I hope you will post more!

 

[MaxwellMurder]

i have anouther one up, if you go threw my posts you can find it. i will put more up later. thanx for the thumbs up tho

 

[BethU]

The Old English is what puts the uncertainty into it, I think ... it has biblical overtones. But I think it works to make the poem stronger.

 

[MaxwellMurder]

i have two poems that go far into my faith i will post them later or just put them as a blog.