Evaluating poop, my EL moment

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rose

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... so, at the clinic today I was given some handouts on shhh... (((constipation)))...

One of the pages (photocopied from a Miami ALS newsletter) also contained an article on "Creative Coping", located next to the article: "Bowel Management Program" . As we are skimming over the information together, the topic point #7 (creative coping) says Believe in yourself. Which is of course a good thing, but we were discussing my dietary intake and outgo at the time, and we (one of the staff at the clinic, and I) started snickering.

Next handout has the following chart (see below) It struck me so funny, I laughed until I cried.

What do you guys think, this really is funny right? Or, am I destined to never grow up, because I still laugh when I look at it. (at least I don't cry)
 

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LOL! I couldn't get past Type 4 without keeling over but Type 7 really put me over the edge. That one really is the funniest type of poop!
(I can't believe you posted this!)
 
Where were you and this chart when I was trying to explain to my daughter why her poop has different shapes? This would have been such a resource. Man you can find everything on this forum! This is hilarious!
 
Ok, now I have seen everything! I sure hope that some poor Googling twitcher doesn't come here and start describing how they are now a type 3 when they used to be a type 2 and does it mean that they have ALS :roll::roll:

Thanks Rose, I'll never be able to use the toilet without looking again (well not really but thanks anyway) :grin::grin:
 
But why? Why were you shown this and what correlation to the foods you eat does it have ? Or is it the consistency?

I don't know what my husband would have said, but I'm sure the person that showed you that Rose would never forget his response (even if he can't speak).

That is the most unexpected thing I've seen, as of yet!

LOL Barry! I've got the sh@#s, do i I have ALS?
 
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I thought this would be a serious conversation with Rose exclaiming that she is full of ... well it didn't go there , and I wont either ;)

Why do all conversations end up going to shit ?

Rose , I bestow upon you the Honorary title of Smart Ass.

Fitting EH !

Glen
 
The list of different type of shit

Ghost shit
The kind where you feel the shit come out, but there is no shit in the toilet.

Clean shit
The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet shit
The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won’t ruin them with a stain.

Second Wave shit
This happens when you’re done shit-ing and you’ve pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to shit some more.

Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-shit
The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

Gassy shit
It’s so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.

Drinker shit
The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

Lincoln Log shit
The kind of shit that is so huge you\\\’re afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

Corn shit
Self-explanatory.

Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-shit shit
The kind where you want to shit but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

Spinal Tap shit
That’s where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways.

Wet Cheeks shit (The Power Dump)
The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water.

Liquid shit
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.

Mexican shit
It smells so bad your nose burns.

The Surprise shit
You’re not even at the toilet because you are sure you’re about to fart, but oops…….a shit!

The Dangling shit
This shit refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done shit-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.
 
Re: The list of different type of shit

I see we have a new thread ... the Forum Farties.

How soon will it take for us to rise to #1 on Google for "Twitches and Shits" ? (It's like Kibbles and Bits, only different.)

I do understand the need for the illustrations on the chart, Rose, having worked with commercial artists, who are a literal-minded bunch. Imagine the research that went into that! (You imagine it ... I'd rather not!) :lol:
 
Who could they find who would seriously study this stuff! You all have me falling out of my chair laughing! This has to be the forum with the wittiest people! How much do you think they got paid for doing this? Can you imagine a serious artist being asked to draw the pictures?
 
Just for BarryG:

Googling twitcher: I've been twitching all over for the last year, and now I'm sure that I have atrophy in my digestive tract because my p**ps used to be Type 4 (soft and smooth), but now tend to vary between type 2 (lumpy) or type 6 (fluffy and mushy). Did anyone else have this symptom to start with? Is there anything I can do to regain my smooth snakes or is this just something I just have to accept? Surely there's some kind of exercise or a piece of equipment that will help! Should I ask my neuro to do an EMG in the digestive tract and, if so, what results should I expect to see if things are normal?

Thanks, Twitchy O'Googler
 
At least it isn't just me who found boundless humor in this (whew!)

Glen, you had me laughing so hard that my face still hurts. (You forgot Deep Shit, but I guess you were going for literal rather than metaphorical)

About your Surprise Shit category, I was working this flight once, and I went to the back of the plane (carrying some left over goodies from my first class galley for the flight attendants working in coach) This plane design had lavatories flanking the aisle just outside the galley, and, coinciding with my approach was a guy emerging from one of the lavs. So we did the little aisle dance to get around each other, and I notice all of the other flight attendants staring at this guy, and when I make it into the galley, and he's gone on his way back up to his seat, they break up into laughter. I couldn't figure out what was so funny, but finally one of them got a grip well enough to explain it to me. I guess he went into the lav, and forgot to lock the door (I have a wealth of Passenger Who Didn't Lock the Lav Door stories) So, one of the flight attendants, thinking it was vacant had started to go in, and there this guy (wearing the top half of a nice business suit) was, washing out his underwear in the basin. He says to her: "Never underestimate the power of a fart!"

Yes Barry and Beth, I possibly have opened up a whole new stream of worried, twitching, pooping or non pooping people flooding the forum, with the help of the good dr google. (What if it really happens! oh no!)

As to the semi-serious inquiries: The poop chart was part of a detailed handout from the Guidelines Pocketcard series. This handout is titled Managing Chronic Constipation which is a frequent problem for PALS due to the accessory muscles weakening, thus making it harder to bear down.... (it was a nice touch having it printed in color, right?)
 
Oh my goodness you guys are hysterical!
 
Oh, I get it! The chart must be a way of helping to diagnose ALS. Umm, my question is, do I have it if I go from poop style #1 to #5 and stay there in a week's time?

If so, I'm in trouble...
 
Down south our name for The Surprise Sh*t is a shart.;)
 
As a person who has spent a good part of the last ten years in the bush and mountains evaluating animal use of an area by means of scat counts (pellet groups counted along a 500m transect) I am so glad that there is someone else (Mr. Bristol get a life) studying poop.

Type 1 and 5 is what most ungulates (deer, elk, moose, bighorn sheep) produce in the summer and winter while the fresh green forage in the spring produces plops like cow patties, hard to ID as to species.

So Zaph if you are 1 or 5 it must be winter. I haven't seen a wild animal (not counting me) with ALS yet either.
 
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