Once upon a Midnight Follie

[rose]

Rose hurriedly checked her lipstick in the mirror one last time. Any moment now the doorbell would ring, and with it, her opportunity for a new life, possibly even a new love. She was finally going to meet with the Infamous Code Cracker, and Inventor Extraordinaire. Hope seemed to ride in the breeze which whispered through the trees, and in the leaves that swirled along the deserted road leading to her house. Maybe the Anti- Snort Elixir, rumored in the underground news network to be the definitive answer for people "like her", would actually work!

What was that! Her ears picked up a sound foreign to these parts. She heard the clatter of hoofs coming closer and closer.

Rose drew her shawl closer around her, and opened the door in anticipation.

But if this was the PZ of Twitchtown folk lore, who was the other man that was with him? The two men were riding a horse of a different color. One, obviously took himself to be a cowboy, as he wore a western style hat, tilted jauntily to one side. But the other guy, on the back end of the horse.... he had on a superhero spandex affair with the letter "G" emblazoned across the chest. Where did they come from, and whatever would she do if their presence scared off the publicity shy, eccentric Dr PZ?

 

[BethU]

The horse screeched to a halt, and the spandex hero fell off the back. The cowboy dismounted in a manly way, and in a heavy and very sexy Canadian accent, said, "Evening, Miss Rose. We bring a message from the Code Cracker. He's going to be late, eh."

The superhero dusted himself off, while the horse fanned himself. (Some ride ... whew!)

Suddenly, a snort rang out. The four of them whirled, undulating in alarm....

 

[GlenBrittle]

To see a horse undulating is a thing to behold.

The spandex clad G man , obviously delirious from sniffing too much of something , jumps in front and yells "stand back everyone for I am Super Gumby"

Rose chuckled.
The cowboy snickered.
The horse brayed like a donkey.

The spandex waistband of his costume finally parted in behind and the sound of a balloon losing air broke the laughter.

"Ewwwww" gasped Rose
"Here we go again" muttered the cowboy
"Ooops" giggled Super Gumby
The horse looked away.

 

[BarryG]

"Well, aint this a cute little get together" said a voice from behind the house "I haven't seen a man in spandex since I quit pumping iron because my left arm felt tired after doing 300 arm curls"

The voice strode into view and what a view! It was a vamp wearing a low cut and high cut dress.

 

[thelma313]

ALthough a little put off the spandex-clad stranger, Rose politely invited the two gentlemen into her charming home.

"Please help yourselves to some home-baked apple pie. Should I put some coffee on?"

The cowboy revealed a box of doughnut holes that he brought with him from his native land as an offering.

"What are Timbits?"

"Only the most delicious food my country has to offer."

Just as Rose raised a Timbit to her red painted lips, there was a startling crashing sound that came from outside. The unlikely trio ran out to see what the commotion was and to their horror, the legendary Dr PZ of Twitchtown had arrived with his Anti- Snort Elixir, but his horse had collided with the Cowboy's horse and the elixir bottles were in a million little pieces all over Rose's front drive.

"No Ernie stop!"

But it was too late. Rose's magnificent Schnoodle was lapping up the elixir, tail wagging and tongue smacking.

"Dr. PZ what will that elixir do to my Schnoodle?"

 

[rose]

Always one to keep her poise outwardly, Rose attempted to cover her surprise. Its the Black Fog, she said in a frantic whisper. Its getting bolder and bolder, that snort sounded like its nearing the yard. Quick, come inside.

The cowboy jerked his head toward the horse, "Even him?" He asked. Rose nodded, We have a courtyard on the other side of the house's breezeway, just lead him through there, he should be safe, and the grass is due for fertilizing anyway. The cowboy, who seemed quite devilish up close, smiled his thanks, as the horse had been with him for many years. "Rose" he said, "Has anyone told you what a lovely eye color you have?"... Without answering, she lead them through to the courtyard, and into a room that had four sets of French doors opening into it.

The superhero guy, who had yet to speak, took off his outer jacket and casually tossed it onto the divan. His shirt, also of spandex, the interwoven initials "SA" were scrawled across his chest, and the back of his shirt, in smaller but bold letters read: (Resident). He immediately crossed the room, and with no hesitation, sat down at the grand piano situated in an alcove. Why was he moving about with such familiarity? He began to play "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes", and from out of the shadows, Rose's aunt Beth appeared, and slithered up onto the piano top, just humming at first, then breaking into a smooth contralto....

 

[rose]

OK, so its a free for all! Lets see where it goes LOL

 

[Zaphoon]

It was a bright, sunny and warm day in Twitchland, the home town of the famed Dr. PZ and location of PZ Laboratories World Headquarters. The world headquarters building was shrouded in secrecy and rumors abounded as to why it had no windows. The cover story was that it was actually a pingpong ball factory. You coudln't possibly have windows in a pingpong ball factory now, could you?

The good, kind, gentle and somewhat dimwitted doctor glanced at his appointment book and saw that this was the day with his rendezvous with Rose. He had been so nervous about this appointment that he had taken 6 doses of his renowned anti-twitch elixer himself. The elixer, in such doses, would almost certainly prove to have at least one side effect but this was something the pioneering inventor/alchemist was willing to chance. Rose was on the way to being one of PZ's biggest accounts and she had connections. Boy, did she have connections!

He looked in the garage for his touring sedan and found it missing. The good, kind gentle and somewhat dimwitted doctor called to Bob, his car guy (chauffeur) and inquired as to the whereabouts of the sedan. (( PZ had first met Bob a few years back when the anti-twitch elxer was still in its infancy. He found him in a rehab clinic for depressed, dejected winos. He soon became the living, human guinea pig for the Doctor and subsequently, the happiest man on the planet (for reasons not further discussed other than to say the elixer had an amazing effect on a certain part of Bob's anatomy).)) Bob stated that he had lent the touring sedan to his cousin, Vinny.

The only mode of transport left was a 25 year old mare named Lizzy, the ever faithful!

"Aw, heck!" thought Dr. PZ. "It's such a pretty day for a ride and Rose lives not far away. I'll mount my ever faithful mare, Lizzy and be gone."

He packed with him several bottles of the elixer (so in demand) and was off. But before leaving, he filled his flask to the brim with "PZ's New (and improved!) Anti-Snort Elixer" as an additional back up and placed this in a padded, safe place.

The closer PZ got to Rose's house, the more his mind wandered about all of the possibilities this meeting held. He was off in his day dream when he led his faithful yet almost blind mare right into the back end of another horse just outside of Rose's place.

 

[BethU]

"Psssst," Lizzie said to the dimwitted, but strangly sexy scientist. "I know that horse's ass. He belongs to your arch enemies, the Canadian Cowboy and Spandex Superhero. They're here to kidnap Rose and hold her for ransom until you give them the secret formula."

"Holy Cow," said PZ in a husky baritone. "Glad you recognized him! But what can I do alone against the two of them ... and one a superhero to boot?"

"You're not alone," said the vamp in a husky contralto, supressing a snort. "I'm on your side. And I think we can count this cute little guy in, too!" Ernie, who was frantically humping the horse of a different color's leg, huskily yipped his assent. "Just give me a minute. I'm having some strange side effects here," he said. (hump, hump, hump)

Lizzy siddled up to the vamp and PZ. "You guys need a plan to rescue Rose and her Dear Old Auntie Beth," she said. "There are four of us and only two of them. Why don't we charge those French Doors together, and take them by surprise? Rose and Auntie will join us. It's a slam dunk!"

The four rescuers nodded to each other and began quietly undulating through the black fog toward the house....

 

[GlenBrittle]

Ha thought SA , I have them fooled. Little do they know that SA stands for Sanctity Aura . They will never figure it out, I am not from this world.

Finally ... She is going to sing

They asked me how I knew
My true love was true
Oh, I of course replied
Something here inside cannot be denied

They said someday you'll find
All who love are blind
Oh, when your heart's on fire
You must realize
Smoke gets in your eyes

So I chaffed them and I gaily laughed
To think they could doubt my love
Yet today my love has flown away
I am without my love

Now laughing friends deride
Tears I can not hide
Oh, so I smile and say
When a lovely flame dies
Smoke gets in your eyes
Smoke gets in your eyes

"I didn't think you could sing that well" said SA to Auntie Beth

Beth , being so eloquent most of the time , just flipped off the SA with her patented crooked finger salute.

 

[peter57]

Meanwhile Bob, PZ's car guy was at the corner of the street looking at what was going on.
Unbeknown to PZ, Bob was a "sleeper" for the ANTE group.( Australian, National, Twitching, Eradication association) and was planted with PZ to ensure that when the anti-twitch elixer was finally perfected that the first batch went to Australia.

As Bob was going to make his move on the elixer, along came this Rose character.

She was putting a dent into his well thought out plans.

Well i might just have to watch and see who ends up with what and go from there, he said to now one in particular as the black fog wafted around his ankles.

 

[indigosd]

The black fog is torn asunder with TORNADIC [is that a word?] winds from the Prairie of South Dakota. indigosd has arrived with her troop of cigarette smoking FLYING MONKEY'S. Thanks to the brilliant genuis of Dr. PZ, she has equipied them with purple framed, bling trimmed sunglasses that have the ability to see straight through the Super Hero's SA [SancTITy Aura] "Oh, NO!" she howls at the Flying Monkey's, "Stay away from ERNIE!"

 

[BethU]

Sweet Olde Auntie Beth had failed to notice, as she slung herself atop the grand piano, that the lid was open. Her smoky rendition of classic standards had just begun, when the lid slammed shut, bending her fingers even more.

Undaunted, she began, in a smoky, husky, but somewhat muffled contralto,

Let's remember Pearl Harbor
As we go to meet the foe
Let's remember Pearl Harbor
As we did the Alamo.

We will always remember
how they died for Liberty
Let's remember Pearl Harbor
And go on to victory.

At that moment, PZ, the horse Lizzy, the Vamp, and Ernie crashed through the malodorous black fog into the drawing room, followed by the horse of another color, who had developed a strange attraction to Ernie.

"Oh, look ... a piany," PZ cried, shoving the Spandex Hero off the bench. "And it's out of tune." He began to play, and as the little hammers began hitting Auntie Beth's aching shoulders, she cried out, "Yessssssssss, yessssssssssssss, louder, louder, a little more treble! A little more bass. Ohhhhhhhhhhh, that's so good."

"It's good for me, too," cried PZ. "This is the first time a piano has ever enjoyed a tune-up as much as I have."

As a puff of cigarette smoke leaked out from under the lid, Auntie Beth moaned, "You the man, PZ!"

Meanwhile, Rose, the Vamp, Ernie, Lizzie, the clean-shaven Aussie, the Canadian Cowboy, the horse of a different color, the flying monkeys, the Spandex Hero and the South Dakota monkey-wrangler were in a huge, undulating pile in the middle of the floor, fighting over the last remaining bottle of anti-snort elixer.

"I've got it," cried the Spandex Hero. "That's my boob, you boob!" cried Rose, slugging him.

"What didcha think I meant"" he asked.

Everybody froze as a knock sounded on the front door.

 

[rose]

[VOICEOVER] This weekend's entertainment is presented with limited commercial interruption courtesy of Just Horsing Around (everything for the horse in your life, and much, much more).

... transition to sponsor:

[JHA] A special thanks to one of the series main players. Yes, BarryG, and his new thought provoking avatar are the reminder we all may need from time to time: Ride a cowboy and save a horse!

Now, back to our program.....

 

[GlenBrittle]

Ride a cowboy and save a horse!

Rose , that is very Brokeback mountain of you.