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Helovedmefirst

New member
Joined
Nov 25, 2016
Messages
3
Reason
Loved one DX
Diagnosis
04/2016
Country
US
State
Texas
City
Dallas
On April 18, 2016 my dad was diagnosed with ALS. Upon his diagnosis it was so hard to not cry every time I was in his presence( I won't cry in front of him because it makes it harder for him), you see I love my daddy tremendously I'm a daddy's girl and to see my old man who isn't really that old at all at the age of 47 become frail when he was the strongest person I knew is beyond difficult. The last couple of months the disease has been progressing and my dad is now unable to walk with out a walker/ something to hold on to and he is having more and more trouble getting up out of chairs on his own. I'm 26 years old and I thought I had so much more time with my dad, I am struggling to keep it together and be strong for my dad, but as his disease progresses it become harder and harder.
 
Hi, Dallas. I'm sorry about your dad.

There are others about your age here who lost their dads and hopefully they will chime in, but while you are right that crying in front of him would make him feel worse, you can still talk with him honestly and through that help him to be the same. You don't want to spend your last years together in a shadow dance.

And you will be stronger "on camera" if you do things and be with people while away from him that help make you feel like "you," which is more than being daddy's girl, as he raised you to be more. And that is something you should keep talking with him about and showing him as well -- the you that is not in shock, the many dimensions of the person you have become that he is proud of always.

Welcome --pipe up with a question or to vent any time.

Best,
Laurie
 
Thanks so much, I am really struggling right now Amsterdam your kind words help so much.
 
Dallas, I am so very sorry that your Dad has been diagnosed. You will find a lot of support here so please sign in whenever you need to.
We also live in Dallas and its been 15 months since Steve's diagnosis. If there ever is a time you need anything please let me know.
 
So sorry to hear of your dads dx. It is so hard to watch them becoming weak and having to give up things. I'm sure your dad appreciates you being strong for him. Nothing hurts more than seeing your loved one hurting.
 
So very sorry that you and your dad and family are having to deal with this. I was diagnosed this year and have a slightly different perspective. My wife and I (and young adult son) have shed some tears together a few times as we acknowledge the intrusion into our lives and changes in our hopes for the future. Although it would not be good for anyone to have your primary activity with your dad be crying together, nor repeated morose conversations about all the badness, I am touched and buoyed up by the tears that show I am valued and loved and that my pain is shared by those who love me.

In fact, the naked honesty of acknowledging to each other that I am in a bad situation has made all the necessary mental/emotional "adjustments" far easier for me---and for them, I think--- than if all were "being brave" for me: no pretense, no pretending. It has facilitated what all of us need to do: get on with living!

Studies do show that honest communication between family members is especially important during these major life upheavals. There is certainly nothing damaging to your dad in hearing his daughter say how sad she feels because of what he is experiencing. If that sadness makes you cry during that conversation, so be it. But I agree, also, that your best self then will help yourself and your dad the most by proceeding to live your life, as he no doubt wishes for you to do.
 
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