What do you say to someone just diagnosed?

[Wigirl]

A cousin was just diagnosed and we will all be together for the holidays. What in the world do you say to someone who was just diagnosed? Obviously, we are praying for you, we love you, and we will be here to support you, but what are the words when someone is facing something terminal? I've never had something like this happen. I just feel so unsure what to say. I'm so sorry to all of you on this board who have just been diagnosed. I wish there was anything to make this diagnosis go away. ;(

 

[azgirl]

Keep it simple.
I'm sorry or this sucks.
Then talk about normal things, do not look at them with "pity eyes"

So sorry that your family is experiencing this Monster

 

[Nuts]

I remember being someone who didn't know the right things to say. As Kay said, keep it simple. Acknowledge it, tell them you are so sorry, and only offer to help if you are serious. They will need help in the future, but all too often people make vague promises to do anything that's needed, but aren't available when the call comes.

What not to do is to avoid them or avoid the discussion if they are ready to have it. Treat your cousin as you always have. Isolation in this disease is terrible. Many people pull back because they don't know what to do or say. You can always be truthful and say that you don't know what to say.

You are a wonderful cousin for asking! If your cousin hasn't found this group, you might suggest it. As you can see by looking around, there is a great deal of information and support available here.

A new diagnosis is a shattering thing. I hope your family comes together in love so that you can enjoy the time you have with your cousin.

Becky

 

[WendyWooG]

I have friends I can be open with about things and others who are there for me but can't handle talking about it. Both is fine as long as your friends and family don't avoid you because they don't know what to say...

I had one dear friend who rang me and explained she had to talk to me over the phone to explain that she was finding the situation difficult to handle, she didn't know what to say couldn't talk about it without crying and didn't want to make me cry. She still visits, is there when ever I need her and has been wonderful support for my daughter, taking her on holiday etc. We just avoid the elephant in the room lol. I appreciated her honesty.

I will say that people being very sympathetic make me cry, I prefer the practical humorous approach. Everyone deals with things differently watch what tack those closest to her are taking and follow the lead.

It is so thoughtful of you to ask so I'm sure you will handle things well

Wendy xx

 

[scaredwifetx]

I am not sure I can add to much more then what has already been said. My husband does not want his friends or family worrying about him or talking about his disease... to much. He appreciates being told " I am sorry about your diagnosis and it sucks" but after that he wants normal conversation. He wants to laugh and enjoy each moment. It's easier for him if he doesn't have to think about anyone worrying about him or uncomfortable around him. He wants everyone to think about him or of him...the same way they always have.

It sounds like you are a very thoughtful and cousin. You will do well. Support and love is what they need. You can ask him if there is anything you can do to help. He will need help and support.

 

[Wigirl]

You are all so wonderful! I will let the family know about this resource. Thank you so much!!!

 

[KimT]

I will tell you what I wish people had said: I will be able to help you with ____________. Praying for them and loving them are wonderful but "faith and love in action" will really make a difference. If you live near enough, you can be part of their team. If you have a special talent, you can make a difference. Just my two cents.