I don't understand what you mean about having a housing person from thel VA who says she is a sort of a therapist. Do you mean an occupational therapist came to the house to discuss changes and modifications? If so, please listen to her.
Please, if your wife does not believe that changes need to be made, have her join here, or have her request to join the ALS caregiving spouses group on Facebook. She needs to wake up. As for the family that says fight it, they may not know what else to say.
Are you receiving a VA pension or full retired military pay? If you are 100% service connected from the VA and retired from the military, there should not be an offset.
Seriously, I strongly advise you to find a PVA (Paralyzed Veterans of America) rep to help you. They will explain your benefit and can help you apply and follow up on your applications for you--including trying to get your disability date backdated to the first symptoms.
My husband was slow progressing, but we almost waited too long to get started on modifications. It takes awhile to get approved and get a contractor working, so start NOW. The VA will send an OT to the house to advise on immediate and long term changes.
I'm so sorry that your family is in denial. Do take those vacations, but get started on modifications and equipment now so that you have it when you need it. You never know when this disease will speed up or when an injury will catapult you to a new level.
Becky