It's Been a Year...

[chrismaya]

...since my mother died from ALS. She had been coughing for quite some time whenever we would eat together. She always blamed it on "too much pepper." Then some dementia set in. Then some breathlessness. Then some choking. Then some right-arm difficulties. Then slurring of her words. After quite some time without answers, we finally found out it was ALS.

Due to her slight dementia........(I say "slight," because she always knew me, always knew my children and a lot of other important things)............she was not fully aware of what was happening to her. She took it all in stride. When I would see her and ask her if she knew who I was, she would look at me like I was nuts! "Of course I know who you are!"

Yet she didn't know she couldn't stand upright. She didn't know why she was going to doctors. She knew nothing of her disease......at all. I believe this was God protecting her, because my mother was so very fearful of doctors and negative things happening to her.

So I watched her fall. I watched her choke. I watched her not be able to speak clearly to me. I watched this immaculate woman turn into someone completely different.

But the most amazing thing was I watched someone who was always angry, rageful and worried turn into someone strong, kind and brave.

ALS gave my mother something she never had all her life. Strength.

I was with her as she took her last breath on August 31, 2008.

I miss you, Mommy.

[kylisa]

After a year, I figure the memories are flooding to the surface. I know now, that my mother has passed (June 23rd), the all consuming caregiving has gave way to the memories of years ago. There are little things that remind me of Mom and how she was before she became ill. I hope that you have some good memories to hang on to.

[asantiago]

I'm so sorry for all your pain. I can completely relate! Hopefully now that a year has past, and you've hit most of the firsts, first bday, first mother's day, etc, you will have an easier second year. Although I know you will always miss her.

[flyingaseagles]

chrismaya, I am so sorry for you pain and I completely understand. I joined this forum a couple of days ago and it isn't because I have ALS it is because my mother passed away in 2004 from ALS and it still hurts me so bad. That is one of the worst things I haven't ever experienced in my life , loosing my mom We can all stand together though and that makes us stronger. I have recently took up a hobby with raising orchids and that helps. I am the older one of the children in my family so my sister and brother seem to need me more since mom isn't here so that keeps me a little busy.
Find something that you really enjoy doing. Even if it is like joining a forum where you know you can be there for someone and you will understand their pain.

[hopingforcure]

Look at such strength and kindness, so wonderful that we can reach out and touch someone with advice, a heartfelt understanding and a wisdom that only can come with pain. I often think of this: If we do not know pain we do not know joy. If we never lose, we never know how good it feels to win, some days when I think of my son not having me when he is older, I think of all the lessons he is learning, that will take him into and through adulthood, when I read posts and see everyone's feelings I know that we are all in this together, and it never ceases to amaze me that we have people from all corners of the world, and we are so different, but the way we love and care is universal. Makes me hope for humanity.