Saying Good Bye to my Dad

wendy · 12-24-2008, 08:02 PM

On Sunday Dec 21 the most special and wonderful person lost his battle with ALS. My dad was DX Oct 24 2007 I joined this support group shortly after. I was able to keep him home right until the day before he passed. When we took him to the hospital he slipped in and out of a coma when finally his respitory failed. I feel so lost with out him already and it has only been three days. Christmas is tommorrow and I just want to stay in bed all day. This is one Christmas I will never forget. In my head I am glad that he is not suffering anymore but my heart is still broken and I feel so emtpy. ALS is the most terrible thing I have ever seen and I know that I will never stop helping to search for a cure so that no person ever has to suffer the pain that is associated with this illness. My dad was so sick at the end that he begged for it to be over no person should has to ever feel that way. I am so glad that I was there holding his hand and praying when he took his last breath I will never forget him and what he went through. I hope that a cure is found soon.

Feeling so sad!

Wendy

Al · 12-24-2008, 08:10 PM

Wendy, I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. I lost my mother 40 years ago at this time of year and know the pain you feel.

AL.

brendapals · 12-24-2008, 10:56 PM

Wendy-
My sympathy to you and your family,
May God bless you with wonderful memories of your dad,
-brenda

msde302 · 12-25-2008, 12:59 AM

Wendy-
I'm so sorry for your loss. This is my first Christmas without my mom and it's so difficult. I hope that you've got lots of friends and family to surround you this Christmas. What a terrible loss.
Kaija

brooksea · 12-25-2008, 09:44 PM

Very sorry for your loss Wendy. You were a wonderful daughter to your Dad to be so caring.

CindyM · 12-26-2008, 09:28 AM

Hello Wendy- if you stayed in bed yesterday I don't blame you. Stay under the covers all week, if you need to. Anybody who took such good care of their dad must be worn out by now, but I know I appreciated all you did. I am sorry you lost him. Hugs, Cindy

somenone's daughter · 12-26-2008, 10:43 AM

My grandfather died of Parkinson's on Christmas several years ago. Oddly, my memory of that is one of joy that he was free. My father is in the end stages of FTD/ALS in hospice care. We have already lost the person that he was because of the dementia. We are just waiting for the end.
People think it is easier to watch someone who does not know they are dying. I don't know. I just lost a student to cancer---I won't go on.
Combining that with the overwhelming fear of inheritance....
Your dad knew that you loved him and cared for him and kept him home.
I think, although time does not "fix" everything, you will also have this memory. And other, better memories of earlier times will comfort you.
Just know that time will pass. You will start to live again. But be patient. I hope that you will someday find his freedom to be a Christmas blessing.

califsand · 12-26-2008, 10:59 AM

Wendy,

I'm sorry to hear about your loss and glad for your Dad that he is free. I know how you feel, I just went through this with my Dad and the emptiness is huge, especially after wrapping your life around him and his care for so long. There is a void and it is okay to climb in bed if that is what you want. People will tell you what to do or how you should feel but there are no right or wrong answers, only what brings you comfort as long as you are not hurting yourself in the process. The first several weeks will be hard (its just over 6 weeks now since my Dad passed) and you may go through several phases of emotions (grief, anger, abandonment, etc.) before you start to feel a little bit better. It only helps to an extent knowing his suffering is over... I think that caregivers don't have a lot of time to think about the struggle of their PALS in the moment, it comes later, when you have the luxury to think about all he went through, and that you went through with him, and the absolute horror of watching what ALS does to someone you love. The horror will pass also... thank goodness! I know that I have some post traumatic stress and delayed anxiety from pushing those feelings away while Dad was still here and doing what I could to be there for him no matter how scary things got. That's normal too! I'm starting to feel better in many ways and you will also, but first you need to let yourself grieve and go through the emotional journey so that you CAN move forward. We all do it differently but I think it is really important, especially for those of us who were really close to those we lost. The full impact of losing my Dad didn't even hit me until 2 weeks after he was gone when the rest of my life had returned to its normal routine (family had gone back home and I returned to work) and he wasn't part of the routine anymore. I wasn't prepared for it but now I am emerging on the other side of that madness and see that if I take baby steps towards recreating my life that I'll be okay. You'll be okay too, when you're ready.

My thoughts are with you and I'm sending you some strength too to help you get through this.

Sandy

wendy · 12-26-2008, 09:34 PM

Thank you everyone for all your kind words. I made it throught Christmas with the help of my children and my son reminding me that papa was nanny's Christmas present. It is amazing how much strenght a 7 year old can give you when he too has been here throught it all. Thanks for listening I will alway cherish everyones loving words.

Missing my Daddy,
Wendy

sdsyd · 12-26-2008, 10:37 PM

Wendy-

I am sincerely sorry that you lost your Dad, especially during Christmastime. My kids helped me gain alot of wisdom when my parents died as well. Their hearts are pure.
Lifting you up in prayer at this difficult time-

Cindy

shellshell · 12-30-2008, 09:17 AM

Wendy, I know exactly what you are going thru. I lost my dad this year too, he was my hero. I am so sorry you hurting right now. It's just not fair that anyone has to be faced with this disease. I pray daily for a cure so no one else has to suffer...Please know you are in my prayers.

Michelle Thomas

Janeth · 11-02-2009, 10:32 PM

Wendy, I am tearful when I read your story. My husband's Lung cap is now 29% and have been complaining of shoulder aches and general unwell feeling. I am not sure how long this seffering will last. I am left to take care of 3 children who are quite young and need to be the family's bread winner.