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Jason's Dream

Distinguished member
Joined
Sep 5, 2010
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310
Country
US
State
As Usual
City
On My Own
Hard to believe we said goodbye 2 months ago today... even harder to believe that you are gone.

I miss you laughing at how I reacted over finding a spider, or by you sneaking up on me. I miss walking to classes with you and taking classes with you.

I miss your gentleness, your patience. I miss being able to lean upon you.

I miss coming home from class and finding you asleep on the couch with William asleep in your arms.

I miss seeing you read your books or doing your crossword puzzle with your paper folded ever so neatly.

I miss playing strategy games at our apartment, or playing cards on the floor of our living room.

I miss playing gin why we waited at IHOP for our food to be brought out.

I miss our Saturday brunches and doing our weekly grocery shopping together.

I miss how we seemed to do everything together.

I miss how our date night for the week would consist of us taking William to the mall, getting a smoothie, and sitting and watching him play in the play area there while we shared our smoothie.

I miss everything about you, ....about us.. .. quite simply, .....I miss you. ♥

I went to our house today. Went through some things. Found some old cards we had given each other.

One card I gave you on the Father's Day right after we found out we were expecting our first child (William). Not knowing if our little one was a boy or a girl, but oh the dreams, the excitement we had, planning a lifetime of happiness. Who'd have thought that a "lifetime" would consist of 3 very short more years?...

Another card ...you gave to me, ..had your wit, your humor, our banter, and reminders of how very much you loved and wanted me. I felt complete with you. I felt I could be myself around you like no other. Such a love, a friendship, a bond... such openess. I miss being able to lean on you emotionally, but also physically... laying my head on your chest, right below your shoulder, nestled right under your chin. I miss feeling the security, warmth, and love, your arms around me seemed to emanate. I miss holding hands with you.

Our walks around our neighborhood with our son in his little car. I miss watching you play trains with him, read books to him, watch his videos with him.

Time doesn't seem to ease my pain, as I sat by your grave again today, and put another lonely love letter on your grave, just like each other holiday or anniversary before it.. I play our songs at your grave like you can somehow hear. I talk to you, but there is no reply...

Quite simply, my arms long to hold you, my heart aches to be near you, and my life is not complete without you....

I miss you.

For love, for always.

~ Becca
 
Oh Becca, my heart hurts for you. From what I know my dear, time does ease the pain. That's what I pray anyway. Thinking of you Becca.
Love,
Marta
 
That was a beautiful letter Becca. I am thinking of you and sending love.
Laurel
 
Sending you love and hugs Becca.
Linda
 
So sorry for your loss, Becca. The loss you suffered is still fresh, coupled with the fact that you had been caring for him and then when he passed, you were suddenly, painfully thrust into no longer doing this labor of love. Give it some time Becca. You will always miss him, but I know you had many happy memories of him and time will ease the pain you feel right now. We all grieve in a different way and it is a process that takes time. Love your children, for in them, a piece of your husband lives on. I'm sure you will find in them, as I do in my kids, something that reminds you of their father. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you mourn.
 
Becca you are so beautiful inside and out. I am glad you guys had kids, you will always have a part of him with you forevevr. I know he hears every word, every song and every thought. The hurting wound will heel, but he scar will last forever.I know you don't want to hear how strong to be, or how strong you are. But you made it through almost all the fresh tough ones, you anniv, Christmas Eve , Christmas, New Years eve & Day. With Jason and your fathers in law 2 weeks a part. You have had alot in two months to handle and you did it. Give yourself a little credit here. No give yourself alot of credit here. Sending love your way.
 
Becca,
Sending love your way :)
 
Dear Becca,

I understand.

Grace & peace to you.
 
My first husband passed away 12 years today, you never forget them or quit missing them, time just makes some of the pain go away..
 
Becca, again, your words are so sincere and beautiful! Thinking of you and wishing you a good day.
Janis
 
Thank you dear friends. I soo appreciate each one of you.

Today he has been gone 10 weeks. Doesn't even seem possible that he has been gone that long. Still hard to believe he is gone. The big question "WHY?" seems to be lingering over my head with no answer in sight.... no answer to be had.

Again, I sit here beside the spot where we last kissed, where he took his last breath, where I closed his eyes...

No one could prepare me for how incredibly much this hurts, ... tears still soo close to the surface, falling on a daily occurance.

I found a poem he wrote me this week... Breaks my heart finding things like that, as the tears seem to fall soo freely and unbidden... I clutch at his clothes and try to smell deep into them, hoping to gain the whiff of his scent... but I seem to not find him anywhere... abandoned... my heart breaks.. yet I am suppose to go on... as though time has not asked me if I wanted it to continue even though my world has stopped...

How do you go on after your heart has been broken... your best friend gone.. the person who was your everything, who you held a future of dreams, goals with.....

When the kids do something funny? The person who holds the other part of thier creation, who is the only one who could truelly appreciate it, like I do.. isn't here to share it with..

When the kids learn a new thing... who do I share it with?

Had a talk with William today... He misses Dadda, ....loves him,... we were remembering how he read "Cat in the Hat" to him, played trains with him, watched Bob the Builder and Thomas videos with him, would hold him and walk the floors with him of a nightime to put William to sleep...

.....yes, I got to relive those moments with my son, try to hold my own tears to try to help him work through his grief...

.........yes, today, on Sunday.... Sunday being the day he passed... each week, remembering soo many things... I dread Sundays...

I miss you my love.
 
I wish I could say the right words to take the hurt away. My heart breaks for you! Part of Jason is in your kids you will always have part of him alive, whether its your son's eyes or your daughter's hair he's in them always. Jason will always be with you and always watching over you. When you lay awake at night and feel a cold breath upon your face, its Jason telling you he's ok. (((((BIG HUS)))))

Jessie
 
Today marks 5 months since Bob passed - by date. Tomorrow marks 22 weeks, by day. It's a long time when you quote months and yes, the missing gets more and more difficult. I miss Bob so much. I'm sorry you're going through this too.
 
Tonight has been incredibly tough. Its not an "anniversary" of any sort... and I'm not sure what makes one day better or worse then the other.. other then to say I'm missing him something aweful tonight... soo lonely.. as I sit and watch home videos of him playing with our children, telling them he loves them, hearing his laughter....

Words simply can't express how terribly much I miss you my love...
 
Becca- though I probably shouldnt say this... as long as my daughter is grown when my PALS passes, I plan on laying down next to him and dieing right along with him when he goes. why? because i know in my heart i will feel the way you are feeling right now and just the thought of that is enough to make me make this horrible decision.
Wish i could help you feel better.
 
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