It Won't Be Long Now

[Jason's Dream]

Jason has taken a turn for the worse. On Thursday through Friday morning he had requested roxonol (morphene) over 17 times, 2 atavans, plus his usual hydrocodone. The nurse aid (that does his baths) told me it was time to call the nurse. Nurse arrived PDQ, looked at his finger nails, felt pulses up his legs, listened to his heart, and said, if there was anyone I wanted with me, or that he would want to see, get them here. She thought it was a mere hours. (Couldn't find a pulse it was soo weak, BP 110/54) Well, my sister came, my husbands mom (he had requested her), my parent's pastor (wednesday he had prayed a prayer and said he got peace and was happier), hospice chaplain, nurse aid, nurse, and his sisters came. He saw them, rallied back and asked for chocolate pie. He ate a full piece of pie (minus crust) and his pulse went back up to 80. So then we thought, he hadn't seen everyone yet, so we got his Grandpa, and Aunts here, and they said thier good byes. So then we though, just like his Nanna (who didn't pass away until everyone was out of the room), we had everyone leave, turned down the lights and gave him meds on the hour. At times I sat away from him, left the room, held his hand, told him it was okay to go, just so he could let go and be at peace. Nothing has worked. He is back struggling again now, haven't seen his eyes open in hours. Nurse says, she thinks, it because he has soo much to live for, that he isn't ready to let it go, so he will go in his own time, in his own way. Said the "pie" was unbelievable. So now I am camped by his side, waiting for him to be at peace. Haven't slept in over 2 days, so bear with me with this post. I hope he goes today, I want him to be at peace.. am hoping he doesn't die tomorrow, as that is our little girl's 1st birthday. This definately is not easy. Haven't ate or drank hardly anything, feel nauseous, massive headache, dizzy, stomach in knots. Not ready to lose him, but soo ready for him to be pain free and at peace.

UPDATED NOVEMBER 9

My sweetheart is Home now. True to our love and our journey together and his great love as a father, my beloved went his way last Sunday night. When we celebrated Katie's birthday on Sunday, he opened his eyes (which had been closed for over a day) briefly and then closed them again (Yes, he passed away on her birthday, .. I like to think he was waiting long enough to be there for her one last time). Once everyone had left the room that night, he opened his eyes, and I told my sweetheart how very much I love him and that... He is an amazing Dadda and the love of my life, and he has done soo well. We have walked this journey together, and in true fashion, when it was just him and I, we walked that last part of the journey together as he took his last breath. My heart aches and longs for him, and I am truelly homesick, but know that he is pain free, no longer trapped in his body, and will forever live on in the lives of my babies, and friends and family that have had the honor and priviledge of knowing and loving my beloved. I love you Babe, I always have and I always will. You will forever be in my heart. ♥

Please pray for William as he tries to grasp something, that as adults, is very hard to fathom. My sweet little guy is taking it hard, and it breaks my heart to hear him say "But I just want my Dadda back!", and "My Dadda's dead". ♥

Jason W. Miley, 38 | The Star Press | thestarpress.com

 

[momofsixkids60]

Dear dear one,

There isn't much for me to say other than you have been the perfect couple. I read every post you had written. You take care of 2 wee one's and your wonderful husband. Be strong for him and I will be holding your hand

Much Love to the two of You,

Kimberly

 

[ccurths]

I pray for him to have peace and love.

 

[momap53]

Oh becca,
Perhaps he wants to be there for the baby's first BD. Honey, please try to eat a little something and get some fluids into you. Put your feet up a bit as you wait by the bedside. Wish we could be there in person to help you through these days. Many hugs coming your way.

 

[Mick n Ang]

Becca,
hope his passing is peaceful and timely, and he is truly pain free soon. Thinking of you at this time xxx Ang

 

[joni51]

Becca sweet girl you have been his rock, and your kids too. Have no regrets, and I hope he is at peace soon, no more Als! Love you sweetie, but do try to partake of some little something to eat and drink...

 

[Ms. Pie]

You are in my thoughts and heart Becca. Please rest some and eat some and stay hydrated.
Love,
Marta

 

[brooksea]

Becca, I'm so very sorry. I hope as your family rallies round that you will be provided with opportunity for a bit of "nourishment," both physically and emotionally.

I wish you both the peace that you deserve.

 

[Jellycat]

Dear Becca,
Thinking of you both so much as you camp by your darlings side. He will go in his own time and in his own way. You will want his peace and you won't want to be without him. Both. Nothing I can say to help I know but know I am sending you love. Avril

 

[Okie2]

Wishing you all peace and comfort in the struggle ahead. Please take care of yourself for the babies.

 

[Alyoop]

Dear Becca,
What an amazing wife and mum you are. My thoughts and prayers are with you all, during this dreadful time. I hope that Jason will find peace. Please remember to look after yourself as well. Your children will need you to be healthy and strong
Aly

 

[Katie C]

All I can do is send hugs Becca. We went through quite an extended time of "any time now" with my mom.. they do go in their own time. I agree...try to grab some rest when and where you can,even if it's a nap on the couch.

 

[laurel]

Oh Becca I wish only the best for you and Jason during this very sad and difficult time. I remember sitting with my mom as she was dying and telling it was okay to let go as she had done her best in her life. It is so unpredictable as to when they decide it is time to let go. May God give you strength and peace during this time. Lots of love and prayers being sent. Try to rest and drink a little--you don't want to collapse sweetie.
Laurel

 

[Sequoia]

Becca, praying for you and Jason and your children...for peace and strength, so that you can just love him through this...that is what he needs. I hope you can get some rest, and eat something even a milkshake. Wish I could take your pain away, but I know this is because you love him so much...keep loving him!

 

[ReneeM]

Becca,
I am praying for you and your family at this difficult time. Sending you Hugs. You have been such an extraordinary wife and caregiver and mom all at the same time. May you all find peace in the love and care you have give Jason!