I lost my husband and very frustrated

[k600xlt]

My husband passed away Saturday morning. I took him to the hospital Friday night because he said his chest was feeling a little heavy. He had not been feeling good for about a week, but we thought he had a little bit of a cold that was going around. So when i took him to emerg. i thought they would just do a chest x-ray to find out if he had pneumonia again, which he had about 1 1/2 months ago. His oxygen level was low but they said his carbondioxide was high and he had pneumonia in his left long. They put him on oxygen and his count came up. He was alert and talking the best that he could which he was very hard to understand. The doctor told us that his muscles in his lungs had sugnificantly deteriated since the last time we were there and we should prepare ourselves for a trecheotomy in the near future. So they started him on antibiotics and told us that they were going to keep him in for a couple days to make sure his oxygen level regulates and stays level. He went to sleep around 2 in the morning, the nurse would come in and check on him and his blood pressure was better and everything. About 7 in the morning she came in again to take his vitals and they were good. I said he must have been tired, they asked me if he usually slept that good, and i said not in the last week cause he wasn't feeling good so he must need this sleep. Around 9 i knew something wasn't right, cause even on a good night he usually didn't sleep more then 6-7 hours, so i tried waking him up and he wouldn't wake. He was still breathing but not responding. I went and got the nurse and she came in and tried to wake him up, and again he wouldn't. So i tried and he opened his eyes a little, so i asked him if he could hear me to blink his eyes and his eyebrows moved a little. At that time the doctor came in and my husband would still not respond. So the doctor said that he was not getting enough oxygen and the only thing to do was to intubate him. Well i said no because my husband had a DNR. He then said they could try the bi-pap machine so he sent for the respetory therapist. When they came i was still trying to wake him up and was crying telling him to wake up. I was hugging him and the doctor said i would have to move so they could get him ready and i told them no it was to late he was gone, his fingernails were blue. And i said it again, and he was gone. This is the hardest thing that i am going through.

Sorry for rambling on but i have a question, is this possible because i am blaming myself for not properly taking care of him. It happened so fast and i don't know if that is possible. Could someone let me know. Don't they have to many more stages to go through first. he was still walking with the aid of a walker outside the house. He was diagnosed July 2009. Please, please can someone tell me i am not going crazy.......trying to blame myself.

 

[strikeout]

I am so sorry for your loss. You definitely cannot blame yourself. You did everything you could. I, too, know of someone recently who was still walking but passed away. It was a shock and very unexpected. Pneumonia and congestion are not uncommon in ALS. My thoughts are with you and I wish you peace.

 

[k600xlt]

Really, it could happen that fast. You don't know how that makes me feel. In a way i am glad that he didn't go through all those other terrible stages and suffer. But the other side of me is greedy and still wants him with me. I am thankful for a quick reply.

Thank you

 

[halfin]

I am so sorry to hear about your husband's death. Your description of his final moments is moving and expresses your love for him so well. I'm sure even at the end he could sense your love for him surrounding him.

Pneumonia can be very fast even for healthy people sometimes. We all hope we will get our 2-3 years minimum after diagnosis but sometimes it doesn't happen.

Please don't think of blaming yourself. I'm sure this has been a terrible shock and it will take some time for it to sink in. Just try to take care of yourself and do your best to get through the next few days. I hope you have friends and family who can help you through this difficult time.

 

[tdamess]

i am so sorry it is very hard to go thur , my thoughts are with you ... remember a.l.s. affect's the lung muscles there was not a thing you could do about it ..you loved him and i am sure he knew it so , have no guilt .. as it was the a.l.s. ... sending you hug's

 

[CAHPAH]

I am so very sorry for your loss, such a great loss. Yes, so very sorry, but you must stop blaming yourself, right now! It is very evident by your post you where an exellent care giver and loved your husband very much. You did everything you could and you did it well. Praying that God gives you peace and strength during this difficult time.
Jim

 

[mare]

One can never be "prepared" for something like this; I think in some ways it is always a shock. The "stages" one goes through can vary just as the symptoms vary. Know that you did all you needed to do for your husband. I hope you will come to feel serenity in knowing that he had a peaceful passing.

Please accept my condolences on your loss.

 

[pepsiman]

So sorry..... Don't blame yourself (although we all do).

Dick

 

[laurel]

I am so sorry for the sudden loss of your husband. Please don't blame yourself in anyway. Pneumonia is a very insidious thing--especially if a person has diminished ability to breath big breaths. It only takes a very short time for the lungs to fill with fluid. You did everything you could do for your husband, and made the right decisions. My God bless and comfort you now.
Laurel

 

[[email protected]]

I'm soooo sorry ... You should not blame yourself.. ALS is a terrible disease. My father was confirmed of having ALS in October of 2009.. his first sypmtoms appeared in May 2009. He is now completely dependent on me and my mother for everthing.. even eating.. Its killing me to see him become so weak.. I had a strong, healthy father until last May. It is now attacking his respritory system.. If we still have him with us this time next year we will be lucky... As others have said ... you loved him, he knew you loved him... you did your best... don't blame yourself .. I've been told many times often other complications end up taking our loved ones before the actual ALS disease. My prayers are with you.

 

[irismarie]

Sweetheart, guilt and feeling one could/should have done more are always and ever present in people left behind at the death of a loved one. IN such unexpected conditions as your darling left you it is not at all surprising that you feel that way. Personally, as a sufferer, I feel that he was relatively lucky to go as he did. I bet it would have been his wish. It does not seem as though he sufferred too much and that he died peacefully in the arms of his most beloved. I think we would all pray for that. So everything you did was right. You held him, you spoke to him, you alerted the medical staff. But nothing but time - and I mean AGES and AGES of time - will take the pain away.
PLease keep in ttouch with us and write whenever you feel sad or lonely
Much love and support is coming your way
IRismarie

 

[paleshia]

so sorry for your loss,, my dear

 

[wanda brittle]

so sorry for your lost.i think you did everthing right and pease take care of yourself. LOVE WANDAxoxoxo

 

[Al]

I am sorry for the loss of your husband Yolanda. You should not blame yourself. It sounds like you did everything by the book. Some patients slip away so quickly and without warning when the breathing muscles deteriorate. My sympathies to you and your family.

AL.

 

[handinhand]

I am so very sorry for your loss.. I feel for what you are going through. Time I guess is the only thing that will help your pain. I pray every night and morning that God will take me before I can no longer take care of myself. I am going to make sure richard know that. Please don't feel like you could have done anything more than you did. He was called back home and he is at peace now, Big Hugs to you. Linda