Nursing Home possiblity?

[bythesea]

As I see myself declining the future looms larger and larger. My 100 yr old house could never be retrofitted for a wheelchair of any kind. The bath and bed room is on the second floor. There are numerous steps to the house, high thresholds to many rooms. My working wife is the only family I could count on.

Maybe a new residence, elevator accessible would be a possibility but houses seem to sit on the market for so long…and how much time do I have?

It seems New Jersey has one of the highest rates ($) for nursing home care in the U.S. but I know of a nursing home that was just completed where I worked for many years. The new facility is spectacular and I have a long history with staff there that would go a long way towards insuring good care. They also have a specialized floor for the non-dementia, MS, CP or ALS residents.

It’s a half hour from here and should I go into hospice my town has a new facility five minutes from home.

I do worry about the financial hardships on my wife but they can’t take the home with her in it. Has anyone availed themselves to the services of Elder Law Attorney’s? If and when I was to pass on, my wife would be able receive my state pension, health plan and disability social security which would be substantially more than hers. It seems every state and even each county has different Medicaid requirements which makes it even more difficult.

It’s creepy to think like this (so close to Halloween) but I worry about her more than myself. I don’t think I have ever seen a post from someone living in a nursing home?

[bythesea]

After reading some previously undiscovered NH posts on this site, I feel somewhat more comfortable.

The place I am considering is quite large, publicly run, with tons of residents with motorized w/c's, on-line access, pegs and trachs.

Has anyone “spent-down” their assets towards Medicaid acceptance?

I too would enjoy the company of others in a stimulating environment as long as I was able.

[BethU]

nythesea ... I have not had to spend down assets yet, but am reaching the point where I will need more care than temps can provide. Your long association with this facility will be a big help, and it sounds great.

I, too, worry about my husband, who has Parkinson's and mild dementia. However, I know his family will step in (nieces), and they are a terrific help to us both now. The cost of care is so enormous, we are thinking of perhaps taking out a reverse mortgage (while I am still living here, as I am 10 years younger, although with my having ALS, the interest rate may go up), and then renting the house, perhaps even to a niece and her husband. That would give us a big chunk of $$ and then monthly income. We are pretty much living on social security plus my tiny pension. I'm going through our savings like mad.

It sounds like your wife will be in good shape if you go into the nursing home. That must take a load off your mind. I agree ,,, we must put the needs of those who survive us in the forefront of our planning. Perhaps AARP has some financial counseling available. (Although I used a lawyer recommended by them, and she was a disaster!)

Good luck. These are tough decisions.

[tdamess]

now you 2 are in my prayer's double time

[bythesea]

Thanks for the positive pats. I too am afraid of an elder attorney although they are all over the net. Many of their ads stress protecting your assets which is scary because Medicaid rules have become so restrictive and punitive if you try and do such things as giving away your assets. One lawyer ad proudly proclaimed that their Living Will is thirty pages long. Geesh! Imagine what the fee just for the legal assistant would be. Unfortunately I have never had a positive experience with lawyers.

It just seems wrong that in a time of such great need, money concerns have to muddy already troubled waters.

BethU I am glad you have dependable family but you with ALS and your husband with Parkinson's and DEMENTIA makes me realize how still fortunate I am and how strong a person you must be.

If you are considering Medicaid be sure about the reverse mortgage thing. I can’t remember if I read that this was a good suggestion or not (penalized). If it is good, that would be great. It sounds like you are turning over the same issues.

Nursing homes have a well deserved bad rap (remember I worked in one) and people in Medicaid homes especially so. It’s not a decision to be made without some fear and trepidation even in the best of them. But then often the decision is made because there is no other choice, but then you know this.