strenght and muscle

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tdamess

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07/2009
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ma.
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halifax
son has had 2nd testing done and comfirmed it is als ,one thing we talked about yesterday was the fact the muscle in his hand was gone but, he still has strenght in it ,don't know if it is as strong as before or not..he is just happy he has strenght still...... so , my question is will he lose his strenght slowley or where the muscle is gone should the strenght be gone....

next question---i saw him having a problem opening the ketchup top,and acted like i didn't see it ,talked to his wife today and she saw him having a hard time picking up a canster top she did the same as me, he's very proud ....should we have gone over and just helped him or wait till he ask's,she also said he has trouble picking up a pen also.

now that thing's are starting to show,i am feeling more helpless and don't know how to react
 
This is a tough one and I have grappled with it myself. My dad is very proud too and when I see him having trouble I am always uncomfortable asking him if I can help. I have found that over time the discomfort has dissipated and I have become able to just ask casually. "Want me to do that?" Most times he'd say no but lately he has said yes and I try to diffuse the situation with some humor or some affection like a kiss on the cheek or something.

I know how heart breaking it is and how difficult it is to react but I have found that my dad appreciates the offer because he knows it comes from love which you obviously have in spades for your son. I am really sorry that you have to face these moments. My heart goes out to you.
 
Hey TD,

I can relate.

I have the same problem.

I have strength enough to grab things with my whole hand , but do not have the dexterity to open baggies , chip bags , etc. I hold a fork well, but I have to change to a full grip if I am cutting. I still drive with my left hand (the zombie hand) .

How long will this last ? I am not sure.

How do to deal with it with your son. Tell him that you do not wish to intrude but will ask anyways as a parent. Tell him a simple no will suffice each time you ask, and you have to accept that. Setting up the ground rules for this dialogue will allow him to hang on to his dignity a bit longer, while not pissing him off. One day , he will say yes and it will be easier for him to accept. I say this from experience.

Hope this helps.

Glen
 
I have the same problem as well.

While eating my hands get tired (especially at the end), at that point my mother or wife asks me if I need help. Sometimes I say yes and more often I just tell them no and take my time to finish off. So just ask, and as Glen says 'One day , he will say yes and it will be easier for him to accept'.
 
thank you all very much, i am so glad for this forum and we can learn from each other and i am very comfortable asking question's
 
This is one of the things I find the hardest with my dad. When and how do you step in because I do not want to take away any independence he has left. This was brought home to me one day when Dad could still walk although he was a little wobbly. He saw a dime one the pavement and he bent down and actually picked it up. The look on his face said it all. He was very proud of himself as well as a little defiant - o'kay a whole lot defiant. He knew that it probably wasn't wise to do what he di but it was sorta like - "In your face - ALS". Dad now has to accept our help for most everything and I'm so glad he took some risks when he could.
 
thelma 313- feel the same for all of us ,thank you for the x-tra sympthie
 
debbie he sounds like my son that would be him the aahhh i can do it so there and then laugh,
best of luck to you and your dad,
 
tdamess - thank you and I'll be thinking and praying for you and your son. I can't imagine how hard it would be to watch your son go through this.
 
My father and I joke with my mom when we ask her if she needs help with something. One of us will ask then the other and we just keep doing that and then she either laughs or says yes shut up and help me. Or if we really annoy her she gives us the one finger salute.

Dana
 
dldred-- she sounds like a charter also-lol
 
I face this too. Lol.. sometimes when I'm experiencing problems, I do ask for help. But I also do get weird stares from my friends as its an easy task, like opening bottles. I can pick up things, but when it comes to using my fingers to open things or pick up thngs, I do face problems. People can't understand so they find it weird when I can carry my bag but can't turn my key.

The way the question is phrased is important. I hate it when people look at me and say "You don't need my help right?" This is when I decline even though I could really do with a helping hand.
 
connies- i understand your point i don't like the way it sound's ( you don't need my help right ) it even sounds like they would not want to help ...next time some one says it that way say ----no, i just want you to see me struggle
 
tdamesss, Thank you for the wonderful answer, I can't wait for somebody to ask just so I can see there reaction. HEHE
 
yep, totally understand. i try to do many things still, but like glen, who would have thought a baggie would be so hard to open? But, you do find other ways to do things. I have one hand that still works: i type with that one (plus my pointer on my left), i use my teeth as my left hand for many things: opening those baggies, toothpaste, etc. I try to keep my independence, but one of the sweetest things my husband ever said to me was, "I'll be your left hand, honey." I know I need help. I just don't always like it, alright, I never like it:)
 
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