Old 07-04-2008, 02:11 AM #1 (permalink)
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Hi Everyone,
I don't know if you remember me but Dick passed away a year ago on the 15th. We had our family reunion on the 4th of July and he died the 15th. I am so depressed now. This is so much harder than any first holidays I spent without him. I go to his gravesite at least every week to say hi. I understand I am in the greiving process but the connection between the mind and heart just don't connect. I check in once in a while on the forum but I wish there was more progress in a year. I still keep hearing of more new cases. I just wanted to say hello again to everyone and we learned so much from you and I am just giving myself a hug from all of you who were there for us. I am feeling sorry for myself. Everyone says how good i am doing and how strong I am and how well I function but that is just my public face, my sadness is so profound not just for me but for all of you. I wish i could be positive but you once told me i could come here and just say how i feel so I am wallowing in self pity tonight. I am also wishing a happy 4th of July
Phyl
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Old 07-04-2008, 08:29 AM #2 (permalink)
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Hi Phyl, My heart goes out to you. This first anniversary is bound to be the most difficult, biggest hurdle to get over. I've only recently joined the forum, so we've not "met". It's got to be so hard to be the one that is left, and I hope you're able to grieve less as time passes. big hugs!
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Old 07-04-2008, 09:48 AM #3 (permalink)
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Hello Phyl,
I'm so sorry for the heavy sadness you are feeling right now with this particular holiday. I wasn't on board when you were posting about your husband's illness, but I've gone back and read your posts in order to get a sense of your story as you travelled this path with him.
I would think that perhaps this holiday may seem more difficult than some others since his death may be due partly to the fact that the memories of your husband's stage in his illness a year ago are the memories of him when he was the sickest. And, you had the wonderful family reunion last 4th of July, so a year ago you and he were preparing for a family gathering whereas this year you are so alone and the comparison is particularly profound.
And then, of course, you're nearing the date of his death on the 15th and the circumstances surrounding it are so painful especially with the horrendous lack of attention from Hospice. I think it's terrible what happened there.
But, it does no good to dwell too long on what can't be changed. Instead, think of the fact that he was able to say goodbye to you and each of his children. You said he even was coherent and could joke with the nurses when they took him off the vent. You were there with and for him and he died peacefully.
From what I read in your posts, you did everything you could have throughout his illness to keep his surroundings as pleasant and comfortable as possible. You were truly there for him.
I hope that as the cycle of a year repeats itself and you go into this second year after his death that you can find some peace and solace. Grief is something you have to allow to come and go as it will. You will continue to grieve, but the profound pain associated with it will gradually recede as time goes by.
Peace to you, Phyl. I'll be thinking of you today and as these next weeks go by. I hope you'll post again if it brings you comfort.
All good wishes,
Jane
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Old 07-04-2008, 09:58 AM #4 (permalink)
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Hi Phyl! Sorry to hear you are having a hard time coping with your husband's passing. It is hard when you lose a loved one. I lost my son, 38 yrs., to Als a year ago on the 3rd of June. My son passed 15 days shy of his 39th birthday. We just celebrated his 1st yr. anny, by requesting a special Mass in his honor, and it was done. I could say I have come a long way. I still miss him, but I have found peace. I visit his gravesite quite often, too, with every chance I get, and feel so much better when I do. I had a beautiful dream of my son last night.

Phly, I will keep you in my prayers, and may yor husband rest in peace.

Irma
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Old 07-04-2008, 11:42 AM #5 (permalink)
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Hello Phyl. Good to hear from you again. I'm glad you know you can always come to us. I am so sorry you had a rough night! Sometimes when the rest of the world is sleeping things really creep up on you, don't they?

Try to do something special for yourself today. You deserve to have your spirits lifted. Hugs, Cindy
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Old 07-04-2008, 12:10 PM #6 (permalink)
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Hi Phyl.

Hope you are able to find a bit of sunshine to brighten your day...

Your husband lives on in your heart and you are a special lady to have loved him so deeply.

Try to take care of yourself.
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Old 07-04-2008, 02:30 PM #7 (permalink)
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Hi Phyl. Sorry you are having a tough time of it. Have you thought of a support group for widows? They helped my sister in law when she lost her husband. Good to hear from you though.
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Old 07-05-2008, 03:16 PM #8 (permalink)
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Phyl,

I am sorry for the pain you're feeling. It's hard and nothing will change that fact.
The only way to the other side is straight through it. Grab on tight to your family, friends
and faith & put one foot in front of the other - travel this road at your own pace. Don't let anyone push you along or try to slow you down. There is no right way to navigate the profound grief you are experiencing.

Remember too, you made it through the incredibly harrowing nightmare of ALS and you'll make it through this too. Probably a stronger, more understanding human than you'd ever thought possible.

I'll keep you in my prayers.
Jeanne
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