I think there is a very significant difference between suicide and letting the disease take its course.
In my mind, declining treatments (feeding tube, bipap, vent, etc.) is not suicide.
Explicitly taking your own life is suicide.
For me, suicide is out of the question. I have deep moral and religious reasons for that position. For that reason, I would encourage you to immediately call your local suicide hotline if you are seriously thinking about suicide.
I plan to stick around as long as I can because I still think I have a lot to offer. While I am no longer able to be productive by some of society's standards, I think I can still make a difference in the world -- one person at a time.
Who knows how I may influence the lives of my great nieces, my nephews and nieces, my siblings, my friends, and the many strangers I have met since diagnosis.
Though I use a wheelchair, I am still able to greet people at church and make the many visitors to the resort area in which I live feel welcome. I have developed new and deep friendships since diagnosis.
I have picked up new hobbies since I was diagnosed and adapted my approach to my old hobbies so I can still enjoy some. Who knew that learning about wheelchairs could be so interesting?
I contribute to these forums, attempting to convey the knowledge I have gained and offer a few words of encouragement. There is a wonderful community here ready to support you, as you have already discovered. As you progress in the disease, you will lean things that you will in turn be able to share with other newcomers.
There is so much living left for me to do. I plan to continue to get up every day and get the most out of that day. I recognize that the most not be very much on some of those days, but I still strive for that most.
I hope you are able to find ways to add a richness to your life that you never could have imagined before diagnosis.
As for grandkids, I have found children to be incredibly resilient and the most wonderful folks to be around. They have a natural curiosity and innocence that prods them to approach me and ask questions about why I am in a wheelchair or using some other adaptive equipment. There is nothing better than being in a biski in line at a ski lift with a ski lesson full of inquisitive children.
Perhaps you can find some things to think about in what I have written here. I sincerely mean what I have written. If there is any way I can be of help to you, please don't hesitate to let me know.
Steve