Vigil from a distance

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DigPlantWeed

Member
Joined
Nov 12, 2012
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22
Reason
Friend was DX
Country
US
State
MD
City
Rockville
We have been sorry to be so far from our friend as he battled ALS. A few visits and phone calls seem so inadequate. Now the end is near and we are keeping vigil from 1500 miles away.

This last severe pneumonia (probably the fifth in a year) has hastened the end. An abscess has caused a hole in one of his lungs.

His adult daughters and a brother and sister in law have flown in to be with him and his wife and younger daughter. He is sedated for comfort, and tomorrow the endotrachial tube the hospital put in will be removed. This is our friend's decision.
 
I'm very sorry you are losing your friend. I have relatives who are wealthy but do not visit or even call. Please, please understand that those "few" visits and phone calls meant the world to him and his family. You are a great friend.
 
It must be hard to be so far away.
I wish you peace and the knowledge your friend knows he is cushioned and surrounded by love from you and his family.
 
Two months ago, I was in their neck of the woods for work -- well, sort of, I was in Dallas and they are near Austin. I planned to drive down during a two-day break and see them. But I developed a respiratory illness and did not want to expose either our friend with ALS, or our friend his wife who has to care for him and their younger daughter. Because of that illness, I missed my last chance to see him.

And ironically, my husband is retiring at the end of this month, and we planned to go visit in February.
 
I am so sorry that you are losing your friend and cannot be there. It is tough but know that he knows what great friends you have been.
 
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend! I am sure he cherished your friendship as much as you do his. He was lucky to have a friend like you.
 
Many people, here and at other sites, have said they forever regretted not being able to say goodbye to a friend or loved one before they passed.

Standing next to a dying person's bed before they go, making eye contact, and placing a warm hand on them for a while--that is a rewarding experience you will always remember.
 
Sorry to hear your friend is near the end but glad his wishes have been expressed and respected. If you find yourself able later on, you might honor him by reaching out at some point to someone closer to your home, who is in need of a friend.

Best,
Laurie
 
Many people, here and at other sites, have said they forever regretted not being able to say goodbye to a friend or loved one before they passed.

Standing next to a dying person's bed before they go, making eye contact, and placing a warm hand on them for a while--that is a rewarding experience you will always remember.



We cannot be there now, and even if we were able, this time belongs properly to his wife, children, and other family who are there. And the ICU (due to pneumonia) has limited opportunity to visit in any case. Still, we wish there had been time for the visit we planned for just a few weeks from now.
 
After more days of of the endo tube, broncoscopies, and breathing tests, the end comes tomorrow.

The endo tube will be removed tomorrow. His muscles are too weak for him to breathe enough. A tracheotomy is the only way to stay alive. He has consistently indicated that the answer to that is no. His position has not changed from his diagnosis til today. His wife and his doctors agree that he understands and has clearly indicated his refusal today.

Tomorrow his wife will have some time with him after the endo is removed; how long is unknown, and he may or may not be able to speak after being intubated for 11 days. The ICU has asked for several days now that only close family may see him.

He has had an amazing attitude through these four years and some months since his diagnoses. Positive, joking, laughing more than I could imagine for someone facing this. We will miss him dearly.
 
He sounds like a great guy who is at peace with his choice. We'll be thinking of him, his wife and you guys.
 
For the time being, he is breathing on his own. But he cannot clear his bronchi or lungs, so it is a matter of time. But his wife is able to visit with him, and his daughter may be able to see him again without the endo tube.
 
Our friend died Saturday. He is at peace and free of the prison his body had become. His ashes will be laid to rest at Arlington.

Many thanks to everyone here for the information in these forums and for encouragement when I felt being a friend from 1500 miles away was not enough. My husband and I will focus on providing as much emotional support and comfort as we can to his wife (who I have known since 3rd grade) and their daughter.
 
My condolences on the loss of your friend, and my thanks for the support you continue to offer his widow and child.
Becky
 
So sorry for the loss of your friend. I hope my friends are as thoughtful as you all are. They have been lucky to have your caring support.
 
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