How to talk to children

[Labinma]

Hi all, here I am again hoping to gain some invaluable insight from you all. Can anyone give advice on how and when you approach the subject that daddy has ALS? Is it best to wait until it very obvious or earlier point out to them subtle changes going on and why? When discussing it what is the best way to explain it? Ugh tall order I know. Any insights are greatly appreciated. Oh yah, forgot to mention the are twin 7year old girls that think their daddy can fix and do anything. (2nd grade).

 

[Vincent]

I find being honest works best, keeping in mind the information they can handle. They probably know daddy is sick and is getting sicker. Deal with the death part as it is more immanent. Most important is answer their questions.
Vincent

 

[scaredwifetx]

My Granddaughter was 7 when Steve was diagnosed. We talked to her and let her know...he was sick and would not be able to do all the things he had before. She had a lot of questions and was concerned. We answered them all as honestly as possible for someone her age.

She was scared at first but after answering her questions...she was better able to process it all and spends a lot of time with him when she is here. We decided that it was best not to tell her it was ALS. We just told her is body was sick and was going to get weaker.

At a young age it is very hard for them to see to far into the future which is a blessing. They have such a way of forgetting yesterday and living in the moment. It will be very hard to tell your children about their daddy. I am so sorry. Hugs.

 

[Atsugi]

When Krissy was limping with a cane, we told our kids, 13 and 15, that mom had a sick leg and the doctors were helping her. Then I asked the kids to help her with chores.

When Krissy got a wheelchair, we told them that mom's legs would never work again. Then I asked the kids to help us pushing the wheelchair.

When they could see mom whole body wasn't working, I took each child aside one at a time and told them mom was going to die. Then I asked them to help me with her medications and machines.

We trained the children with meds and machines. Each one could operate the Hoyer Lift and transfer mom from bed to the bathroom. They were very involved.

The result: The kids seemed to take it day by day and accept the inevitable. Now, at 21 and 19, they are very responsible people.

 

[Labinma]

Just I was hoping invaluable advice/experience and offering of understanding. Thank you. I guess honesty is the best policy in limited format. Do agree they are "live in the moment" mind set and to mentally understand future and consequences is not in their development make up yet. Thinking about it my father whom was always 100% upfront with me no matter the topic. I value this in a person now, and prefer people that don't candy coat things to me. I like that. I will do that. I will be like my father and be honest and upfront along the way. Thank you Mike with the idea of brining them in to help at each turn. I will follow your lead. Thank you all again.

 

[lgelb]

To avoid the expectation with doctor's visits that he is going to get better, as children are accustomed to, my distinction for 7 year-olds would be "Daddy can't move his arms any more, so we are going to be his arms for him from now on."

Best,
Laurie

 

[gooseberry]

My son was 11 when his dad was diagnosed. A few months in, 3 to be exact, the changes were significant and my son was asking questions. Since we had started to see a counselor, I chose to tell him there. We both had support and the counseling helped him work thru a lot of things. He asked a lot of tough questions but we developed a deep bond. This disease is very hard on kids......but they have to have the honesty.

 

[gooseberry]

P.s. If your kids are tech savvy or good readers, I would be very careful mentioning als. If you do, the Canadian als association has some materials to help you work thru it with your kids.