Old 06-12-2016, 02:49 AM #1 (permalink)
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Default sex and ALS - limb onset

warning - this is a very frank post
I'm affected mostly in my hands and arms so far. My hands are weakening more every day. I can't eat with a fork this week, have trouble sitting up and walk with walker, etc. Living is beginning to involve more pain and frustration than ordinary pleasures.

I am divorced almost ten years and as a single mother I have been totally focused on caring for my kids. Romantic life was pretty much cast aside as impossible for years. I am almost 60. Not an age where men would be chasing me...

But now that my body is deteriorating I am feeling every day like i must find some sexual outlet or I will go crazy! very unusual for me. I need some kind of physical pleasure to help balance out all the daily fears and horrors. maybe i am getting FTD!! My female caregiver is an expert masseuse and i get a massage every day. That only makes things somewhat worse.

I am contemplating taking the high risk of asking my handsome, attentive male caregiver to help me out, but this is illegal and he also may quit! or it could destroy our working relationship, and i need his help to fix up my house to stay safe.

I thought about sex toys but my hands r too weak to hold them! Where i live it is simply impossible to consider finding a suitable male prostitute.

Any ideas!?

Betsy

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Old 06-12-2016, 07:36 AM #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex and ALS - limb onset

Good on you for being brave enough to voice this problem, havnt any advice sorry.
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Old 06-12-2016, 09:42 AM #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex and ALS - limb onset

Is it possible to have a candid discussion with your caregiver? Perhaps she can suggest something.
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Old 06-12-2016, 09:47 AM #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex and ALS - limb onset

I would have a frank discussion with your caregiver. Certainly this is very common in people with disabilities. Google "sex toys for disabled" and you will find a site that offers a "no hands."
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Old 06-12-2016, 09:53 AM #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex and ALS - limb onset

Please don't put your male Caregiver in a difficult position by asking him for sex.

Have you male friends or an old boyfriend who could help out, even with sex toys?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting/needing sex/physical intimacy, at any age. Have you started taking new meds lately? Some have side effect of increasing libido.
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Old 06-12-2016, 10:00 AM #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex and ALS - limb onset

Go for it girl! Enjoy yourself and don't guilt trip yourself or let anyone else. Love ya chally
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Old 06-12-2016, 10:15 AM #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex and ALS - limb onset

Agree with Ells. There is nothing wrong with your feelings but don't approach your caregiver for his " services". all kinds of problems could ensue. Here caregivers are licensed. A caregiver would not only lose their job but their license and livelihood in spite of the consensual aspect

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Old 06-12-2016, 12:11 PM #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex and ALS - limb onset

i agree with Nikki and Ells, because u do not want to lose good help, for that reason i would not complicate that relationship.

possibly u could ask him if he knows somebody else that could help, i would be clear that u r not asking him... maybe it would be safer to ask the female help, if they know of anybody that could help.

i think this is a common issue for elderly, and disabled.

enjoy,

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Old 06-12-2016, 12:16 PM #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex and ALS - limb onset

Is there an 'iffy' massage parlor nearby?
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Old 06-12-2016, 12:31 PM #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex and ALS - limb onset

I have also noticed an increased "drive" since this nightmare. I have speculated that it is more emotional and about feeling capable then it is an actual physical need, because frankly between cramps, fatigue, and breathing it is uncomfortable and difficult. I need to be able to please my wife and feel normal for myself. This disease takes so much away that I want to hold on to what ever I can.
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Old 06-12-2016, 12:51 PM #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex and ALS - limb onset

Thanks all for your helpful comments.
Glad especially to hear about the "no hands" sex toys but my teenage sons generally go pick up stuff at the post office for me. They usually open whatever package! I can picture their keen curiosity if i tell them not to open something.
As for an iffy massage parlor--not likely around here. there may be prostitutes but almost surely all female.
My female caregiver is illegal and from Sri Lanka. Her visa expired when her official job ended when the woman she cared for previously died.
Language and culture gaps prevent a candid discussion. She showers me and massages me every day. I am a little concerned that if I tell her that I need sex, she will offer it because who knows, maybe that is a normal part of massage in Sri Lanka, and I am not keen on going in that direction.

My male caregiver is a friend, a fellow American immigrant who I hired off the books when he needed a job. He has no license. I can probably ask him to introduce me to somebody who could help.

Tripete, maybe this is emotional for me too, but so what. Also, as every other physical pleasure fades away, i think that it is rather splendid that this one is still at least somewhat operational...


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Old 06-12-2016, 03:47 PM #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex and ALS - limb onset

i have not looked at the hands free toys, hard for me to imagine them working... maybe it could be delivered to one of your care givers? so your kids do not find it... if it has infra red control, it could be controlled with an eye tracking device.

afternoon delight,

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Old 06-13-2016, 08:08 PM #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex and ALS - limb onset

For anyone experiencing an increase in sexual arousal, make sure your urges aren't related a newly prescribed antidepressant. There's no harm as long as it doesn't interfere with your daily life and personal relationships.
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Old 06-13-2016, 10:55 PM #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex and ALS - limb onset

When I started taking Wellbutrin, I noticed that I would get "wood" more frequently. My dreams became more sensual. One night I made love to Farrah Faucett and Sophia Loren in the same night.

Like Pete said, with all the cramping, fatigue, breathing issues and weakness, it really sucks to not be able to be more sexual. It just seems to be another thing to feel bad and inadequate about.

To answer the question by Betsy, perhaps you should explore some senior dating on- line sites. Just be honest and tell them they don't have to take you to dinner and a movie to score.
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Old 06-13-2016, 11:02 PM #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex and ALS - limb onset

Great response Bigmark
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