starente15
Senior member
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2014
- Messages
- 809
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 10/2017
- Country
- US
- State
- NJ
- City
- Northern
My dad passed away yesterday. I got word on Thanksgiving that we should get there quickly. Yesterday, the stars were aligned and there was no traffic, the airport had no lines and our flight was on time.
Hospice came an hour after we arrived. We were told that his stomach had shut down and no more meds could go in the tube. We were faced with a decision I hadn't really thought about. Did we want to give more morphine and turn off the bipap? The nurse said we were in unchartered territory. She couldn't guarantee how it would play out either way. Take it off and see or wait and risk aspiration and a possible crisis.
We gave two doses of morphine shortly after he had his last meds by tube. We took off the mask and his eyes were focused upward. He didn't seem distressed, he wasn't wide-eyed asking for help, he just continued to breathe shallowly and after 19 minutes, stopped.
I am struggling greatly with witnessing this although people said how strong we were. I'm really just wondering if anyone knows how comfortable someone in this position can be. Are they aware or really "not there", was he scared? I know there are probably no answers as the only people who truly know are no longer here. Just feeling panicked right now.
Hospice came an hour after we arrived. We were told that his stomach had shut down and no more meds could go in the tube. We were faced with a decision I hadn't really thought about. Did we want to give more morphine and turn off the bipap? The nurse said we were in unchartered territory. She couldn't guarantee how it would play out either way. Take it off and see or wait and risk aspiration and a possible crisis.
We gave two doses of morphine shortly after he had his last meds by tube. We took off the mask and his eyes were focused upward. He didn't seem distressed, he wasn't wide-eyed asking for help, he just continued to breathe shallowly and after 19 minutes, stopped.
I am struggling greatly with witnessing this although people said how strong we were. I'm really just wondering if anyone knows how comfortable someone in this position can be. Are they aware or really "not there", was he scared? I know there are probably no answers as the only people who truly know are no longer here. Just feeling panicked right now.