Friend diagnosed with ALS

[francismg]

Hi everyone -

Recently, a good friend of mine was diagnosed with ALS. I try to avoid talking to him about it as much as possible because I know how much he and his family must be struggling. It is horrible to see the pain and fear he is going through. Can anyone give me some advice for ways I can support him emotionally? I want to be as supportive and comforting of a friend as possible as he continues his day to day struggle with ALS

Thank you

 

[affected]

Hi Francis, I'm so glad you want to be a good supportive friend.

Maybe they need to be able to talk about it with someone. Have you asked if they want someone to bounce it off with?

People in this situation need help, but they usually won't ask for it, and don't have the energy to organise helpers. So the best thing you can do is state clearly - I want to help. I can do a range of things - you know what they are - and I can give you some time on - whatever days, evenings or whatever will work. Then say, I would like to do something straight away, so next week I'm available on - whenever.

You could then go over and do any number of things, depending on their situation and your best abilities. Clean the house, inside or out, mow, tidy up, sit with the person, take the person out, do the shopping, bring a meal. That's just a tiny sample. So think about what might take some pressure off them, and give them a lift and make an offer.

Lots of people would say to me - just call me if I can do anything! I never did.
Others said - can I do this or that, and when can I do it? Their help, friendship, company and love was priceless.

 

[Atsugi]

good friend =/= I try to avoid talking to him

When a person is known to have ALS, it often happens that friends and even family will abandon him. This isolation is a bad thing. It hurts a lot.

Go see him now. You don't have to say anything wise or profound. You don't have to talk about the disease. Just be normal. Watch football together.

Better yet, cut the grass, wash the dishes. Just do it.

 

[texastc]

they will need a lot of help. caregiving is very difficult and consuming. even when you cant be the actual caregiver, you can help that person by doing things that they would normally do, and still will need done. roll up your sleeves and make a hand if you can. if you can't, spend time with your friend. ..they will need a lot of moral support as well as physical help.

 

[anderkling]

As a PALS, I can tell you that any gesture of kindness is appreciated. I wouldn't avoid talking about it, while at the same time I wouldn't pry. It's such a life changing event that a good friend can't avoid offering the opportunity to talk about it. I can't speak for everyone of course, but I wanted to talk about it with good friends. Friends have helped my husband and me in many ways . . . cleaning our house, bringing home cooked meals, inviting us over or out to a restaurant, sending flowers and cards, giving an inspirational book, taking me shopping, and so on. Each gesture brought comfort. Words can be as simple as "I can't imagine what you're going through, but I want to be there for you" or "I'm thinking of you and praying for you." One couple told us they felt "called" to walk this journey with us. Every gesture, great or small, we responded to with gratitude. It meant so much to experience the love of caring people. I'm sorry your friend has been diagnosed with ALS. May your support make his life a little easier.
Charlene

 

[lgelb]

Pretend he was in a bad accident and you want to support. You wouldn't ask, "How fast were you going? How totaled is the car?" but you'd listen if he brought it up. First and foremost, you'd pitch in.

So to that end, everyone's suggestions are on point. Thank you for continuing to be and act like his friend.

Best,
Laurie

 

[Green Queen]

I'm so sad about your mate.
You must be close, to care enough to reach out like this. Awesome.
The only thing I want to add to the fantastic advice given, treat him normally.

A friend took me shopping the other day. Carried my goodies. Did up my seatbelt. Everything.
I said to her that I was sad I could no longer do stuff for her.

She said 'doesn't matter, I'm friends with your brain not your body,'

Yes we had a chuckle over the comment, but I knew in that instant she would never desert me.

Don't desert your mate. You have been friends through out all kinds of crap I'm sure. Don't let This tear you apart.

God bless, Janelle x

 

[DreamsEnd]

What a wonderful friend you are! All of the above suggestions are great. Friends really matter!

Sherry