has anyone thought about suicide?

[foxmedic108]

I am new here. My mother has als. she was diagnosed in jan 2015. She can't swallow much. She can't speak and drools. She is refusing treatment and hoarding xanax. She has asked me to get her more. She wants me to call her doctor. He knows she is suicidal and won't give her anmore.

Yesterday she came to me and had some of her prescriptions and asked how many of each she should take. i'm a Paramedic and I told her I didn't know. She got angry and left me ascathing note about how i owe it to her to help her.

I don't know how to handle this. Has anyone else had this happen to them? it's not up to me to make her stay in a body that is betraying her. it is also not my place to help her in any way. i have 3 children and i'm not going to jail for anyone and leaving my children without a mother.

can someone please help me?

 

[Atsugi]

FoxMedic, you're right to think about your children first. And you're right that your mother makes her own decisions. Can she walk or use her arms?
--Mike

 

[foxmedic108]

She is alert and oriented and has no other symptoms yet. thank you so much for replying. i'm at my wits end. she can't be committed, she doesn't want to live anymore and i don't blame her. i might want to do the same thing if i were in her shoes. she just doesn't understand that there is nothing i can do to help.

every day she asks. i'm afraid to go out that one of my kids may find her. i'm afraid to find her! i'm afraid to sleep. i've lost 15 pounds already this past month. my last semester of school starts in afew weeks. i'm on the edge. i just want to make her happy and i can't anymore.

 

[Nikki J]

I am really sorry. You are caught in a bad place. There is information to be found on this for her without involving you. There are a couple of detailed books I am told and I think organizations that will give advice and I am sure it is available on the net. One of the books is Final Exit. Don't buy it for her. Make her get it if she wants it. You need to protect yourself. Once she has the information for herself I hope she will protect you if she carries out a plan by arranging things so you are clearly elsewhere and someone not in the family finds her

 

[foxmedic108]

thanks for the information i may tell her about it. as far as i know she hasn't looked anything up on the internet. i can't be sure of that. i am so thankful for you understanding.

 

[nebrhahe53]

There are 2 organizations in Switzerland but they are pricey. Easiest thing to do is move to Oregon, in 6 mo you are a resident. Then a physician can prescribe something that will end it. Physician assisted suicide is legal there and in 4 other states.
She can also just stop eating. No one can force someone to do that. After a few days you aren't even hungry anymore.

 

[zoohouse]

I am sorry that your mother is trying to put this on you, it is not fair. If she is oriented and at this time mobile she is capable of looking up this information herself, if she is truly intent on it. If she wants to end her life it doesn't matter where she is she can do it. I am sorry if this sounds brusk, but it has hit a nerve with me, as my mother threatened suicide most of my growing up life, and it became a thought that I and my siblings came to quickly when times got tough. After I had taken nursing, and became a mother myself I decided that this would have to end. One day she threatened to kill herself because she didn't feel like life was worth living (she did not have any horrible disease, but was depressed) but she did it in front of one of my children, so I stopped her in her tracks. I told her that it was her life, to do with what ever she liked, but that I was through playing the "I'll save you game." and that if she wanted to continue to see her grandkids she would never utter those words again in their presence. I explained what affect it had had on me and my other sisters, and did not want my kids to think that it was an option when things got tough. She stopped, and I am happy to say that she has mentioned it only maybe twice in the last 30 years.
I would tell her that you love her and that you want more than anything to make her happy, or at least as happy as she can be in the extremely difficult time, but that you will not participate in her suicide in any way. Ask her how she would feel if one of her grandkids found her, or if years later you or one of her grandkids committed suicide because of a difficult time.
I wonder if she doesn't have FTD a bit, as her actions do not sound reasonable. It is not that she is considering suicide that is the problem, but that she expects you to play a role. I am sorry but that is selfish, especially if it is something that you are not willing to entertain.
I am a Canadian so I understand that our laws are different, but her hoarding pills, talking about suicide, and the letter would most definitely be grounds to commit her and get her counselling. All that is needed to be proved is that she poses a risk to herself or another, and a signature from 2 doctors, and it sound like her doctor is already aware of her intentions. I have worked Emergency medicine for over 26 years, and have been part of committing many suicidal people. But like I said if she truly wanted to commit suicide she would not need your help. It sounds like a cry for help to me.
I will be praying for both you and your mother.
Paulette

 

[MaxEidswick]

>She can also just stop eating. No one can force someone to do that. After a few days you aren't even hungry anymore.

Ditto that!

 

[Nikki J]

For people who are considering the not eating there was a PALS who chose that When he was ( I guess) past the point of no return he said do not choose this way. That is all I know- no details

 

[housewithtwins]

I am new here. My mother has als. she was diagnosed in jan 2015. She can't swallow much. She can't speak and drools. She is refusing treatment and hoarding xanax. She has asked me to get her more. She wants me to call her doctor. He knows she is suicidal and won't give her anmore.

Yesterday she came to me and had some of her prescriptions and asked how many of each she should take. i'm a Paramedic and I told her I didn't know. She got angry and left me ascathing note about how i owe it to her to help her.

I don't know how to handle this. Has anyone else had this happen to them? it's not up to me to make her stay in a body that is betraying her. it is also not my place to help her in any way. i have 3 children and i'm not going to jail for anyone and leaving my children without a mother.

can someone please help me?

Hello,
I was a care giver for my uncle with ALS. Hopefully soon California will have the "Right To Die Act" which will allow people with terminal illnesses to end their lives. Oregon is one of the states that have the RTD act. Have you thought about moving to Oregon for 6 mos to become a resident then your mother would be eligible to receive the medication to end her life under the RTD ? Do you have any other family members to help you? You may consider hiring a part time care giver to help you.

 

[texastracy]

Try contacting Hospice. They can help with end of life, it's what they do. They will make a plan to help it be easier for all of you.

My thoughts and prayers go with you.

 

[foxmedic108]

all of you have really helped me to feel better! thank you!

today she told me that tomorrow she is going to her doctor to demand more pills. i told her hewas in the same position i am in. we are both medical professionals and we cannot help her in any way. she was furious and astounded that we would do nothing to help her. she was writing notes about it in front of my children.

she asked me is she had enough pills to end her life. i told her i didn't know. i'm so numb. if she wants to end her life so desparately because of her condition then i understand and i am trying to be on board with that. she is just not listening when i tell her that my hands are tied.

we can't move to oregon. i have 3 teenagers in high school so i can't just pick up and leave. we have no family here in michigan so i have no help and no reprieve. my husband died 3 years ago. i can't go through finding another family member dead. my children watched their fatherbleed to death in my arms. this is like living that all over again every single day. i keep thinking that someday i am going to snap, but i don't i just keep going.

 

[Atsugi]

FoxMedic, my thoughts are with you. Such a difficult position you're all in.

You're right to think of the children first. Frankly, I wouldn't blame you if you left your mother alone so she wouldn't poison them with her desperation. It's sad to say, but your mom is a fully grown adult and it is her problem, not yours.

My mom had a different problem. She was simply a toxic personality that nobody could get along with. She had to die alone. Sad, but she did it to herself.

It's totally possible to love someone, but not assist them when they're being difficult.

Perhaps you could visit her without the teenagers coming along, and spend some time to decompress afterward. This is a heavy load on your shoulders.

 

[foxmedic108]

she is living with us so we're all in this together. right now she is mad because i didn't tell her that she could take her pills with something other than applesauce. i'm becoming exhausted and i have my last semester of my bachelor degree coming up! i am living a country song! lol i shouldn't joke but if i don't i'll go mad. i keep telling myself that things could be worse.

 

[GregK]

As stated by others, this is an unfair situation you find yourself in.

To answer the question you pose in the subject of this string: yes. I would be surprised if any of we PALS did not consider suicide. I did.

But that was in the initial days while I was still reeling from the diagnosis. As I came to grips with my new 'normal' those thoughts faded.

Are you a member of a church? There's possibly help there.

Have you contacted your local ALS Association? You should. They may be able to offer some insight or even help, but you will need their help regardless for general ALS issues.

You can find them here:http://www.alsofmichigan.org/