Wife wont let me drive anymore

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nebrhahe53

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Joined
Jun 13, 2014
Messages
1,017
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
06/2014
Country
US
State
Tx
City
Austin
Says I would be a danger to myself and others. I dont feel Im quite there yet but she gets really mad when I bring it up. Says Im not letting her take care of me.
I dont want to be treated as a cripple before my time.
 
Neil,know how hard it is to give up something like that. My husband fought it all the way, but our daughters convinced him to do it to protect ME. As they reminded him, if you drive with a neurological disease and have an accident, they can claim you knowingly endangered others. Your wife could lose everything if you are sued. Think of it as one more gift you can give to the wife who loves you. Driving does not define you as a man- but rather, your committment to your family does. Hugs to you, my dear man.
 
Listen to her Neil. It doesn't turn you into a cripple before your time. It eases up some of her worry and makes you a good husband.
 
So sorry Neil, you get answered first up by 3 past CALS in a row...

It was the same here really, Chris believed he was fine to drive, hey he was being careful!

The reality is that with either or both legs and arms not receiving nerve impulses correctly to the muscles your reaction time is decreased and in fact impaired. So whilst you may drive the actual car ok, your ability to react and control a sudden situation on the road (probably caused by someone else doing something stupid or unexpected) are just not what they were.

The insurance issue is real - you won't be covered and you and your wife could lose everything. I think it is much more a case of being a real man than a cripple to accept this, even though I do understand it feels like something that is crippling you. Chris had his doctor insist he stop and sign a certificate of medical incompetency and yet he blamed me and made things awful over it for weeks. Please don't make your wife pay for this decision, it's not you, it's not her, it's the effing monster named ALS.

hugs mate, please listen to your wife, we do see clearly.
 
I'm sorry this happened Neil. But, your wife loves you. You are never a cripple no matter what this f- ing disease does to your body. You are our friend and we all love and care about you. Hugs, Kim
 
i had to stop on my own. it got to where i couldn't turn the wheel........ sorry neil i miss driving myself.
 
I see it as wifey needs all the practice she can get. I often have to bite my tongue.

I make somebody drive me everywhere.
 
I ran into this argument. My right arm and foot are fine. I actually talked to my Dr. She felt I was fine to drive for now. Although I carry a paper in case I ever get pulled over and want a sobriety test (I'd fail)! Maybe talk to your Dr. to ease your wife's fears. I know it's something we eventually have to give up, but, maybe there can be an understanding that of your dr.says no, you will listen.
 
When I need my wife to drive me I jokingly say "Driving Mr Lazy". This disease takes everything from us, don't let it cause friction between you and your wife, enjoy her care for you and all the time you have together. I am sorry that it has taken driving from you also.
 
I was afraid my mother was going to make my father stop driving before it was really necessary. I think caretakers have a ton of fear and want to protect their PALS as much as possible.

When I saw this, I worried that he would feel he was losing control and wanted to make sure it was really necessary. I had asked him to go for a drive one morning and he said "we'll see." I could tell he was hesitant because she had been mentioning it a lot. In the afternoon I told him to put on his coat and take me and my b/f for a ride around the block. I let him know that we wanted to see how he felt and if he thought he was still able to do it. I asked about feeling in his feet and hands, made sure he could press the brake quickly if needed, could turn wheel, buckle a seatbelt, etc. We went around the block and he kept going. In the end we took about 15 minute drive, stopped for gas and he got out to help my b/f pump it. His breathing was more under control because his mind was occupied and I could tell it made him happy.

I did tell him that while we thought he was fine now, I expect that if he ever feels he's not capable, that he doesn't get behind the wheel. In the past few weeks I've been seeing him letting my brother drive more and more which tells me he's probably less comfortable. In the end, I wanted it to be his decision to stop, not anyone elses.
 
This is a very tricky issue. I have seen 2 relatives drive beyond what I felt was safe. I worry about whether I will recognize the need to stop ( my symptoms are confined to my left leg and I drive an automatic, I have never used my
Left leg to drive an automatic so I think I am good for now. So does my doctor)
I know many of us are young so do not be put off by the senior label on the link this might be worth looking at although doctor and family can see things it might not pick up
Interactive Driving Evaluation | SeniorDriving.AAA.com
 
I see it as wifey needs all the practice she can get. I often have to bite my tongue.

LOL. Graybeard, I think my husband might eventually see it the same way!

Neil, just want to say how sorry I am that you're going through this right now. It's a conversation I know is coming for my PALS and I and that I dread. Do you have a medical psychologist or clinical social worker at your clinic who will sit down with you both and work toward a mutually agreeable conclusion? I'm hoping ours will because they may provide "arguments" for either side that we haven't thought of. (Although it seems the combination of voices on this forum pretty much covers it!) And they'll have the medical records to know what relevant skills are/are not being impacted.
 
Neil, I know its been hard for my Steve. He drives a mile every day to bring our son to school since it isn't safe for him to walk. That is all the driving he does. It is at a point however, that he really shouldn't be doing even that. But he is holding on so tight to it....my son says he does okay and feels safe so I have to go with that. He does have to buckle his seat belt for him which to me is enough to say no more but IIWII.
 
I know the CALS are right. I did not think of the insurance aspect, and its probably true that my reaction time would be like I had 4 drinks. The mind tells the body to react but the damn limbs just sit there like they belong to someone else.
This was one of the last things I could do for myself-I cant even button my pants anymore my left hand is too weak.
My wife said the same things you CALS are saying-its almost like she read your posts.
I have always been independent-I was taking care of myself at eight years old.
This disease is the worst possible thing for me (and for almost everyone else too). it takes away the one thing I could always count on-my ability to care for myself.I am now totally dependent on someone else from feeding to trips. Soon, I wont be able to even shower by myself.
Always wanted to get wife into the shower with me, now that I will, the body wont be able to act!
 
{{{{hugs}}}} Neil, it totally sucks.

Even though I was a CALS and I cared for Chris doing all those things and I witnessed all the progression and losses, I know I don't truly know what you PALS go through. I am so often in awe of the PALS here as they work through accepting each loss as every single loss is so devastating.
 
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