Advice for a daughter please

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AngelaRenee

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Things have been getting to me lately... feeling depressed and having to try and deal with what my mother has. My boyfriend really means well but its so hard because he isn't really involved. He doesnt have a close relationship with my family, should I not expect him to want to help me out when it comes to her? Both of his parents have passed and I know he doesnt think I have it as bad as him. He said to me the other day " other people have it worse". It kills me to hear that. I may be dwelling on the situation more that I should and not looking at the posotives. But I'm tired. Monday and Tuesdays and sometimes Sundays I spend with my mom to help her out, and help my father with housekeeping. Wednesday-Saturday I work 9-6 then usually go to the gym wednesday-friday to try and get my mind off things and releive stress. I guess he is upset I dont really keep our apartment as clean as I should.... but lately cleaning has gotten to the bottom of my priority list unless its at my parents house. Am I being unfair to him? Any advice would help. Thanks..
 
just realized I should have posted this in another forum. Sorry!
 
The "boy" friend is just that.... You need a man friend. One who doesn't compare one pain to another on some sort of subjective scale. One who cleans up himself instead of pointing a finger. One who will prop you up when you need it and catch you if you fall. He'll wipe your tears, and wipe the floors.

I don't mean to add to your suffering, really I don't. Just sayin'.
 
I agree with what Elaine just posted. Take care you are a loving daughter from your posts. You are helping your parents out the best you can and that's what is the most important at this point. Hugs, Kim
 
Unfair to him? I think you are being unfair to yourself. You can do better than that, you deserve someone who will look out for you while you are helping your parents. I don't want to sound harsh but if this is how he selfish he is now what about much later.....

I wish you peace and happiness. Hang in there.
 
I'm learning the hard way but if they aren't strong enough to be with you during the hard times . Are they worth having at all. But, give them the chance to explain their actions before walking away. Maybe, he's worried about you and doesn't know how to reach out emotionally. Keep the communication open with it but don't let him walk all over you. Be strong ! You owe that to yourself. Kim
 
Thank you all I needed to read/hear all these things. Love.
 
A man who is considerate, thoughtful, and kind will be supportive of you and your family as you go through this. That man will step up and take care of cleaning the house, cooking, laundry so that you can focus on doing the same for your family. That man will hug you often.
 
If this boyfriend is going to become your husband or life partner - that is, if you have a serious relationship you think could last for the long haul - he needs to have your back. He needs to be exceptionally kind to you, support you and do everything he can to help you through this. Making comments that other people have it worse than you suggests a stunning lack of empathy. That would be a real red flag to me. If he's not showing compassion and fully supporting you during this difficult time, is he really your guy?

Good for you for taking time out to go to the gym. Exercise is so important, especially under such stressful circumstances.
 
All good advice!

ALS IS unfair.

Perhaps he hasn't realized the full impact of the diag nosis on your Mom and you. He needs to be willing to learn so that he can be more supportive.

Have you watChed the 3 part video called "The ABC's of ALS" ? If not, do it!
 
So true. I have been with im for over 5 years and love him. I will consider all this advice. He is a softy on the inside.
 
Ok the 'other people Have it worse' made me cringe buuuttt... It can also be hard on partners/spouses too - mine is great but when i was really struggling&a total mess he was telling me to pull myself together& trying the tough love approach. I felt this was err lets say unsympathetic to say the least & it caused a bit of conflict between us. We had to thrash it out&tell each other what was going on (him:i dont know how to help, you're not telling me how you feel- you're just crying & moping, me: telling him how i was feeling& how him telling me to get it together wasnt really working!) i spelt out the disintegration & how distressed i was about it. Even now he still sometimes doesnt know if/how much he should question me about it. Its hard for everyone. Your bf may well not understand or he may be trying to push you into 'life goes on' mode. Tell him how you are feeling & how things are at home. Tell him how he can help support you. If you are together five years then there has to be something worth saving. Hope it works out for you - things sound tough enough without any more aggro!
 
Hi there,

It is sometimes hard for someone to understand what another is really going through until that someone actually really lives the experience instead of just observing from the outside in. Would he be willing to help out? Is it possible to come up with a plan together? On the other hand, you already have a lot on your shoulders. You need someone to be there for you and to be supportive. If I may...please take good care of yourself so you don't burnout. If that happens, you won't be able to help anyone...
 
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