To CALS: how to keep temper

[Dawood]

Hi, folks. I'm a new member but have been reading posts in the forum since my wife's doctors started suspecting ALS over a year ago. Her condition has progressed fairly rapidly. We try to make the best of things, and I have been very good about keeping a positive attitude around my wife and trying always to uplift her (literally and figuratively) and give her reasons to enjoy life even with severe disability. However, when I'm not around her, I find myself losing my temper frighteningly often. Particularly if someone does something to make life harder for us (able-bodied person parking in handicap spot; insurance company denying coverage; getting overcharged for anything by anyone; etc.), I tend to fly off the handle and say the most hurtful things imaginable. I have tried breathing, meditation, counseling, support groups, inspirational writings, etc., but the bottom line is I have such a short fuse now that I'm scared it's just a matter of time before I blow my top at work and jeopardize my job. Lately I've been angry at some of the people I work with over compensation issues, and since I see this as a matter of life or death for my wife, I don't know if I can face them without the risk of exploding. Has anyone else here been in the same boat and navigated these waters successfully without using drugs?

 

[Barbie]

Dawood, you are under tremendous pressure and give yourself credit for not exploding at your wife. Most people do not realize the workload stress worry and pressure you live under 24/7. you are probably bottling it up and instead of releasing it on your wife you are releasing it on everyone else. You sound like you are taking steps to control it, but you may want to talk with your boss about it and even your co-workers, so they have more empathy for you and your situation and not take personal offense when you get angry.

I was the same as you and tried all the things you have tried, and the only thing t hat helped me was anti-depressants. My anger went away and I could cope much better with everything. I don't know your reasons for not wanting drugs--(i do understand the stigma) but for people in such a terrible situation like cals, drugs are a life saver!

 

[Ms. Pie]

Is there any way you can get some help with your wife's care? You need a break! Do you have some friends or relatives that can take shifts so you can recharge?

 

[KissJ]

Yes, agreed...you need a break! It is very difficult and as the disease gets worse it is indeed harder. You are human and tempers pop out! My husband and I have had our moments, but know to appologize, realize, and move on! We do this with one another, and something you can do with yourself...forgive yourself and know that anger is part of all of this. It is hard!
Dealing with others is sometimes the most difficult. Some completely understand and others are so far removed in denial, maybe never experienced something so awful, or just plain and simple don't get it. Our social worker with the ALS Association is awesome and hopefully you have someone like that to "vent" to and even get advice.
God Bless!

 

[Dawood]

Thanks for the kind responses. I currently have a lot of help from family and friends, but the family help is temporary so we have hired a part time caregiver three days a week to help the transition. When the need for paid help becomes full time--which could be soon--I may not be able to afford it. Of course, I'll do whatever it takes, but my main concern is that my wife will see herself as a burden and fall into despair. This is my constant worry and the primary fuel for my anger. So based on this, I suppose the anger is simply unavoidable and I just need to manage it somehow.