Save my sanity

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hujh2012

New member
Joined
Apr 21, 2012
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1
Reason
CALS
Diagnosis
2/1990
Country
US
State
hu
City
hu
This is so ridiculous I'm not even sure how to word this. My husband and another member of MY family have ALS or a variant. Hence, no blood relation. My husband insists he got this disease from raid bee and wasp spray that was sprayed at a couple of outdoor family picnics in the park years ago. Of course if bug control products really had anything to do with it, it couldn't possibly have been the pesticides he used to have put on our lawn, then sitting down in it to pull weeds.(or the time we needed termite treatment, or his job etc.) I am at my wits end with him. He is so eager to make sure I or my family is somehow responsible. I told him I would gladly trade places with him in a heartbeat, because I honestly feel it would be easier than the nastiness I put up with everyday. It is always something. I can do nothing right. I will probably feel like an idiot after I post this, but I guess I just needed to vent.


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Vent away. tell him youve read the label and it didnt say it caused als but youll look into it. lol
 
Maybe you should remind him who will be taking care of him, and that you don't have too but you do it because you care
 
Your husband may be right.
Then again, he may be wrong.

I asked my ALS Dr. if it could be from pesticides? He said maybe, I asked if it could be from black mold? he said maybe. I asked if it could be from a virus? He said maybe.

I then stopped asking "Could it be from..." questions, because no one seems to know.

Am I bitter? Ah, ya I am.
Is your husband bitter? More than likely.

When given a diagnosis of ALS, not just our body and physical abilities change, our whole mindset changes.

We must re-invent ourselves. Change what our purpose in life is.

Sad to say when one person is diagnosed with ALS, it's really everyone involved that is diagnosed, and affected on varied levels.

I hate to say that I can be a real ass to my wife and loved ones during all this. I don't mean to be, but the overwhelming stress and worthlessness that overcomes all of us at times is so frustrating, it consumes us.

I wish you all the best in your journey, and hope happiness can be found.

Cheers,
Casey
 
I am walking in your shoes,everything is is always negative and other peoples fault, I just wish I was as perfect as he is. I would be up for sainthood!
 
It is good to vent, this must be very difficult 4 you! On the other hand try to keep in mind that this is the way your husband vents. He must be so angry and frustrated and blaims the world. It is part of the process. Tell him you understand his anger & frustration, invite him to blaim the peanutbutter, the water, etc. it's important he can express his emotions! Meanwhile you take care of yourself too, i hope you have a good friend irl to talk to or just have an ice cream together or whatever helps YOU to feel better!

I wish you both strenght to handle this so unfair situation. I'm happy you are here on this super forum!

Anja
 
you have come to the right place--we are all walking in your shoes or in your husband's here. Venting is OK it is normal to feel the way you do. Just know that you are important too and your feelings are important too. If only we knew what caused ALS.... Please stay around, check out the rest of the forum. you will find many kind and knowledgeable people and you will feel better if you do.

your friend in caregiving,
 
als could be caused by the enviroment, the water we drink, the air we breath, the food we eat, who knows? your husband needs to get out of his depression and plan how he will lead the rest of his life. i still do small tasks around the house, shop, yard and play a little golf
with some modifications. it just takes longer with some rest breaks. life is still good
 
Honestly I found it best to just not get sucked into this kind of argument. I became very good at changing the subject. Much less stress that way. He may keep at it for a while, but eventually he'll find something else to harp on. "It was the Raid." "mmm. ok. Hey, do you know where I put my keys?" Then take a deep breath and remind yourself that at this point.. does it really matter anyway?
 
No you are not an idiot! I know how you feel.....Sometimes my husband can be difficult too. Maybee he is just not ready to accept this yet. I went through that with Jerry. Now he is home all the time. Had to quit his job. So sometimes I so wish he could work....I hate this. It is what it is. I just keep praying and hanging on. My heart goes out to you. You can vent anytime you want to. I know I need to be brave enough to do that....God Bless Darlene
 
I've never heard the Raid connection to ALS, who knows what can be causing this? Everyone keeps telling my husband that it happens to athletes! One friend who just lost her husband to ALS said she heard it is common in golfers (both our husbands golfed together). The doctor at the ALS clinic wanted to know if my husband ever played football or wrestling (he did both in high school). Another acquaintance whose husband just died from ALS was an avid rec basketball player. A high school friend lost his wife to it, she also was a golfer. The list goes on. Anyone else have any insight? Guess it doesn't matter at this point but I find it interesting.
 
A lot of firefighters get it as well. Smoke, chemicals? Who knows?

AL
 
And, of course, veterans.
 
You will have to learn not to have a comeback to everything he says. He is just like my wife. She would keep something started all the time if I let her. I do not think that they really know or care what they say. I have read that many ALS patients are uninhibited in some cases. So they say hurtful things without regretting them our apologizing. Just know that you are not alone with this monster of a disease. As far as what caused it, who knows? The brightest minds in research do not know so how can we?
 
The bottom line is that ALS as it is referred to is really a syndrome. There could be numerous actual "diseases" and / or triggers.

Your husband is obviously trying to ash out and blame someone because he does not know how to cope. Obviously he is hurting.

Hopefully this is just part of his coping process and he will start singing a different tune.
 
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