My boyfriend's father has severely increasing ALS. How can I help?

[justforship]

Hi everyone, my boyfriend's father was diagnosed with ALS about 2 years ago. The past few months have been extremely difficult. When he was first diagnosed, they suspected a slow process. The disease has recently spread and is getting progressively worse. Last week, his father stopped breathing in his sleep, and woke up because of his breathing machine. Just a few days later, my boyfriend was scheduled to visit his parents who have retired and are vacationing in Florida. Upon his return, his emotions were all over the place. He had night terrors his first night back, and I knew something was wrong when he woke up, and he began to cry when I questioned what was wrong.

I want to be able to help him, although I can't imagine having to watch his hero slowly deteriorate. He has two older siblings who have since moved to other parts of the country and do not see him very much.

Does anyone have anything suggestions on how to help? Is it horrible to suggest that he see a counsellor or psychologist or to join a support group?

 

[brooksea]

No, it's not horrible to suggest counselling, but if he is not ready, don't pressure him. It wouldn't hurt for him to see his doc to request an antidepressant. Please support him in any way you can. Maybe suggest doing something for his parents to help them out and often. He will regret it later if he does not. I have a son that can attest to that, but he is eleven and I'll give him a pass.

 

[vzandt]

Hug him...let him cry....ask him if theres anything he would like to do for his parents, and do it. Make memories. Then help him keep his life as normal as possible. Sometimes there is nothing you can do, sometimes there are no words that can be said. Sometimes you just gotta cry. And if there is anything worth crying over it is this.

 

[Ms. Pie]

Yes, hugs and listening if he has something to say. If he doesn't have anything to say just be there for him.

 

[Katie C]

It is not horrible to suggest at all. In fact, offer to go with him if he thinks that would help. Andjust hold him and let him cry and tell him you are willing to be his strength right now.

 

[Mpiresteve]

I know how your boyfriend is feeling. I watched my grandfather and my father die. My dad was diagnosed when I was 20. My wife, whom I was dating at the time, had a difficult time trying to make me feel better about the situation. That best I can say, is to not try to hard. Don't ask a lot of questions. When he is ready to talk, I'm sure he will. Just be there for him and give him a little bit of space, unless he asks otherwise. Good luck!

 

[kmendsley]

Just be there for him. He is going through an incredibly hard and emotional rollercoaster right now and it is no wonder his body is acting out even in sleep to deal with the stress. You could definately suggest counseling or somthing like it...maybe suggest going with him for support? But again, don't push him if he is not ready.

Help him in supporting his father if you are up to it, or take him to the beach or a nice picnic one day to get away from it all.

Hugs are always good too...it is hard to verbalize things...so just imagine that maybe at this point he just needs support in your arms and the talking will come with time.

 

[edjohnson]

Ask him to join our all volunteer group. Better to fight for access to treatment than to hope for a miracle.

 

[cervus]

Just be there for him and if possible, encourage him to spend as much time as possible with his father. I don't know if it's about living a "normal" life because it isn't. Encourage phone calls, visits, etc. It will end all too soon.

 

[tammyg]

When I was going through thus with my dad, I could not have done it without my husband. I cried alot, only child, daddy's little girl ect...
I thought I was going crazy, you are doing the best thing you can, being there, listening when he needs to talk and vent. You don't need to do nothing just listen, give him hugs, he is on an emotional roller coaster. Dad's are always the strong ones, watching them go through this is mind boggling, depressing, humbling....You are his rock, it will just make you guys stronger. I can hear how much you love him just with your concern. You Rock, his mind is processing this hardship the best way it can, hang in there, his love for you will be all the reward you will ever need in life. I hope his dad is not suffering to much, I know I only lived 15 minutes from my dad, and watching him lose everything to this terrible disease puts you on this roller coaster of hell emotionally........