Annoyed with nurses.

lisaohgee · 01-31-2012, 09:07 AM

I am grateful for the hospice care. I truly am.

However, every time I talk to my mom's nurse she says "things look good" and "she's doing good."

No she's NOT. She's dying. All she can do is grunt. She can barely blink her eyes. She's developed a bed sore (I am surprised it's her first one), her breathing is diminished (nurse's words).

Maybe they are supposed to say this, I don't know. It just bugs me.

caldona · 01-31-2012, 09:45 AM

My nurse when first started coming all she talked about me dying after the second trip my husband said I am getting tired of her talking like she does So I told her we didn't have to talk about me dying I would let her know when I wanted to have that talk I would let her know.

asantiago · 01-31-2012, 09:57 AM

"things look good" could simply mean nothing new to report and her way of trying to stay positive in an awful situation. "she's doing good" may be her way of letting you know she is comfortable, is she on meds yet to keep her comfortable?

I'm guessing every situation is different for those nurses, and what irritates you may appease another.

They are in a tough spot constantly walking into new families, differing personalities, all dealing with possibly the most devastating events of their entire lives.

Its ok that her approach and words bother you I completely understand your viewpoint, but I don't think its necessarily insensitive of her. Unless this is her first case surely she gets it and the severity of your situation.

My thoughts will be with you in this hard time!

lisaohgee · 01-31-2012, 10:02 AM

I don't think she's being insensitive either -- I realize they are trying to be gentle and sensitive. I just wish people didn't sugar coat things. I'd rather hear things like "no change" or "Nothing to report."

Susan10 · 01-31-2012, 01:29 PM

Actually, she should say "she's doing well." 'good' is not gramatically correct. Sorry - one of my pet peeves. LOL!

*<

Ms. Pie · 01-31-2012, 04:27 PM

I try not to say stuff like "well" when talking to one of my PALS friends. Of course we're not doing "well". So to heck with proper grammer. I'm feeling good!

Ms. Pie · 01-31-2012, 04:29 PM

Lisa, I'm glad she's not being negative but understand your irritation.

Susan10 · 01-31-2012, 05:46 PM

I'm feelin' good, too, Ms Pie! Glad to be looking at the right side of the grass!

odiva · 01-31-2012, 06:25 PM

If only my outside felt as good as my insides.

Ms. Pie · 01-31-2012, 06:43 PM

I here you there Sister!

jb63 · 02-01-2012, 09:11 AM

I am a retired critical ED nurse who never worked with ALS or hospice but have worked with death and dying issues. I think most nurses are given a standard set of approachess in their orientation and more experienced nurses will know how to assess the family's supportive needs . Yes it is patient care that extends beyond the patient.

If I was asked I would say something slightly more specific, like breathing seems easier, she seems comfortable, but I would validate the family's feelings by saying something like, "this is terribly hard time for you." Thus the door opens for them to express what specifically concerns them or their feelings of grief and loss. No, we aren't trained grief counselors, but the more about the family dynamics you know, the more helpful you can be. It becomes more personal and compasionate.

lms9258 · 02-01-2012, 12:04 PM

I get what you're saying. My mom has been on hospice for 1 1/2 years (too long for me). I like ib63's approach, but all nurses are not created equally. It is really important with hospice for patient care that extends beyond the patient, especially if the patient can't talk or communicate. I don't talk about my own serious concerns in front of my mom all of the time. Maybe that nurse thinks she's being sensitive to the situation. I've also found that some of the nurses and other staff are not suited to hospice care, and have actually asked, "who hired this person for this position?" It took time and getting used to, but I say something now if I'm really bothered. You should just tell her nurse that you don't appreciate or need the sugar coating. It's hard enough trying to guess how things are going with ALS, and hospice staff are supposed to be there for the family's needs as well. Is that all she says? No other information regarding your mom's condition? Maybe you could tell her you'd like more information. She sounds like a good natured person. My mom's nurse is always really stressed out and gets flustered easily. I just put up with it because I don't want to have to get used to a new nurse. I do feel bad that this will be in place until my mom passes. I had hoped for a good experience having hospice involved at the end.

Laura

Susan10 · 02-01-2012, 06:08 PM

i understand that hearing is the last sense anyone loses, so never talk about your own concerns or fears in front of your pal please! proof that hearing goes last is demonstrated by the fact that your daily alarm or smoke alarm will wake you up. kids usually sleep through smoke alarms unless tey're programmed with the mom's voice saying 'get up get out get up get out.' interesting study on that one.

lms9258 · 02-01-2012, 08:47 PM

Like I stated, I hardly ever talk about all of my concerns in front of my mom. My mom does understand that certain issues have to be addressed regarding HER care. She is extremely comforting to me when every once in awhile, I am sad or scared. She is still my mom, and I could not have taken care of her for this long, "never talking about my own concerns or fears". I guess all PALS and CALS have different relationships. Mine is one where my mom still cares about how I feel.

lisaohgee · 02-02-2012, 11:48 AM

We never discuss this in front of my mom.