Just need to vent, but opinions & advice welcomed

[Kevalyn]

I basically had an aunt tell me that I need to put everything else on the back burner to spend as much time with my mom, including planning & organizing the Christmas pageant for the kids at church. While I agree we don't know how much time we have left with her, I also feel that if I never spent another moment with my mom, it wouldn't change our relationship because I've always been there. I didn't just wait until she was sick to care for her & to give her all my love & attention (like some people including the aunt who is telling me this). This is a very difficult time for our family, especially during the holidays and I need the distraction. I feel that I can't just stop my life because if my mom dies today or tomorrow, I still have to be able to go on and make it through this without her. Am I being selfish?

 

[asantiago]

I would say she is well intentioned. What's your mom's progression could she pass before Xmas or soon after? If yes personally I would skip the pageant. I spent nearly every waking minute the last 3 months with my mom and still wish it could have been more even though my mom and I were always close.

I think its good advice but you need to do what you feel is best for you.

 

[TedH5]

It does not sound as though you are being selfish and certainly helping with the Church's Christmas pagent is not comparable to going to Vegas with the guys. To me you have to have other outlets and the one you have chosen is admirable. Only you and your Mom know the relationship the two of you have and if both of you are at peace with it then that is all that matters. I for one say go for it!

 

[Kevalyn]

Thanks, both of you. It's hard to figure out what's the best thing to do. The situation now is she went in for her PEG tube yesterday but was unable to get it because she stopped breathing and had to be revived. In order the get the tube, doc says she has to be on a respirator but there's a strong chance that she won't breathe again on her own. She's already on oxygen because of low blood oxygen levels. I plan on being there every step of the way even if it means for a few hours at a time.

 

[Alyoop]

You sound like a lovely daughter. Your mum is so lucky to have you, and must be so proud.
Your aunt probably has no idea of what you really do and is under a lot of stress herself. Just let it fly over your head!

 

[Al]

Ignore the aunt. Do what works for you and mom.

AL.

 

[Katie C]

Sounds like the aunt is speaking out of turn... do what works for you and mom and let auntie deal with her own issues.

 

[Kevalyn]

Thanks everyone. I can't tell you how much your comments mean to me. So grateful for this forum.

 

[cukita99]

family judge without knowing how hard it is for my son, telling him to give up his life n take care of me. but where r they when i need them. do wht u need to do

 

[brooksea]

Has your Aunt

put everything else on the back burner

? Probably not. You do your thing and deal with your own relationship with your mom. Your Aunt can deal with her relationship without intruding on yours.

Good luck with the Christmas Pageant!

 

[lpcarr]

Trust God to walk beside you and carry you too if he needs to during this holiday season. He will give you the answers you need at the time that you need them. I have done several little children Christmas Productions at church also. There is no better way to glorify god and honor your Mother then to go ahead and do it. It will give you that
diversion you need to keep your head clear and your nerves calm, although the kids can sure test your patience can't they? When little children lift their voices to the Lord no
one cares how organized the pagent itself is. They are always so cute. You face difficult days ahead. Your Mom raised you, she knows your heart. You will do the right thing. I pray for you and your family. Pam

 

[Kevalyn]

Pam, your response truly brought me to tears. It's like you looked directly into my heart and mind. That's exactly how I feel. Thank you so much. I've been praying about this and I know that God has given me the answers I need.

 

[lisaohgee]

I am the same. I only get to spend a couple hours with my mom every week or two because we live 30 minutes away, I work full time, and I have two small children. Plus I think it hurts her that she can't play with my kids or hang out and talk to me.

You do what's best for YOU and YOUR mom.

 

[Kevalyn]

lisaohgee, You are right. As long as I'm comfortable with the decisions I've made, then no one else has the right to judge. I think I was just feeling very guilty and overwhelmed with everything when I spoke to my aunt, that it made me doubt my care/caring for my mom. We are kinda in the same boat; I live an hour away, work full-time & full-time wife/mother. My mom knows that I'm doing the best I can do right now.

 

[lisaohgee]

lisaohgee, You are right. As long as I'm comfortable with the decisions I've made, then no one else has the right to judge. I think I was just feeling very guilty and overwhelmed with everything when I spoke to my aunt, that it made me doubt my care/caring for my mom. We are kinda in the same boat; I live an hour away, work full-time & full-time wife/mother. My mom knows that I'm doing the best I can do right now.

Exactly. I don't know how often your aunt sees your mom, but my guess is that it's not daily, and I am also guessing she has more free time than you do.