marriage trouble

[Sammantha]

haven't been on in awhile, for those of you who dont kow i am still in the progress of being diagnosed,,somethings have been diagnosed like muscle atrophy clonus pseudobulbar effect narrowed pharynx and restrictive lung disorder due to muscle weakness.......i still work but my emotions are uncontrollable and causing problems..my husband has been less than supportive through the years and now is very hateful and angry...which makes my emotional state unstable to say the least,,i know he will not be there when i need care.......he needs to move on and leave but wont just because of the house...he is making my life, the children's lives and his own miserable,,,i cant imagine getting on alone, as he is a hardworker takes care of the outside of the house and paying bills. i dont know what to do, i cant take it no more...this has been going on awhile even my neuro tried to get him to understand what i am going through..the only thing he has asked the neuro is if i get could a neurologist closer to home..this was on his second time of ever going to an appt with me out of fifteen...i need help and advice..so please comment thank you sam

 

[Miss]

Make the change now while you physically can. If you have ALS, don't spend your last years, months, weeks, or days with someone who is not going to support you even before the hardship begins. Talk to family and friends and find a support system.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[lizzie11957]

If he won't leave, you should. I'm also having husband problems , but he's coming around. I told him I was looking for a small apartment for myself ( I was). I needed time alone to think things through. I told him I needed to be in a happy home. The next day he was crying and apologizing. It's been much better. But really, if you're not happy, leave. If you can't afford an apartment , go stay with a friend or relative. A broken heart is like a mirror, don't break yourself trying to fix it.

 

[Sequoia]

Oh Sam, what a terrible thing to be going through...but I agree you need to move on and find the caring support of family, friends, church members? The last thing you need is to be unable to help yourself and have a husband who treats you with anger! I will be praying for you and your children that something open up for you! Hang in there. We care about you! gentle (((hugs)))

 

[Ms. Pie]

In my opinion, get an attorney now. Who will be the primary care taker of the children? If the kids will primarily be with you then he needs to go. If they'll primarily be with him then get an apartment. Prior to that, talk to your family and close friends and get your support team in order. Have a good plan (without him) and then put it in action now before things get too difficult. Don't do this alone. Take someone that cares about you with you. Yes, we do care about you.
Love

 

[rose]

Sam,

I'm sorry to read this. Everyone has given you advise I agree with, and don't have anything else to add really. (I'm always just a PM away) xo

 

[Sammantha]

Thank you for all your advice, its funny because I have known I needed to leave..I feel like a caged animal no way out..I f my kids were grown I would travel all over experiencing life while i am able....I will start with a family lawyer. I just felt i could not take on any more stress but i think if i am happier i will FEEL a little better. Sam

 

[notme]

HI

How we feel mentally ALWAYS affects how we feel physically. Get that lawyer--and tell the ass not to let the door hit him on his way OUT.

Jerk. Anyone that treats someone ill with this kind of behavior is lower than scum.

You do need an advocate--find someone you trust NOW to have a proxy when it comes to health issues should you suddenly become unable to make your own decisions.

If you want to find your own place--then do so, but certainly don't be the one to leave your home unless it's what you want. Trust me, in court, no judge is going to send an ill person out alone with no support -- financial support and child support.

If he can be civil and is willing to work on the problem, then perhaps counseling may help--but it sounds like he wasn't so great even before you became ill. Life's too short to spend it with an idiot.

Hugs

 

[notgivnup]

Sam, I agree with the others. You need to think of yourself and your children. Get rid of the baggage that is tearing you down. You need to find happiness for you and your children. Try and connect with family and friends for support. You CAN do it! So sorry this has happened to you, I totally understand. But I made the mistake of staying wayyy to long in an abusive home, dont do that, you deserve better! We are all here for you all the time! ((BIG HUG)) I'll be praying for you.

 

[Katie C]

and as was already stated but can't be mentioned too often: DO NOT....I repeat...DO NOT leave that house until you have contacted an attorney. You have a long term illness and you and your kids need financial protection.

 

[KissJ]

I agree, you need an attorney. You have my prayers and blessings...

 

[susanf]

Ditto on the attorney and do not leave your house. You and the kids need a secure place to stay.

 

[tmasters]

This is terrible. Some will may recall I've been there too. See my thread "Not so good Thanksgiving weekend" from 2009. Thank God everything turned out well in the end but there was a LOT of pain along the way.

You have to decide if you want to make this work. If not, end it now and cut your losses. If you want to save your marriage there's a great online forum (well not as great as this one of course). See "marriagebuilders dot com" and click the "Discussion Forum" link.

My prayers are with you.

-Tom

 

[Peg B]

HI,

You did not say what kind of work you do, but if there is a personnel office or you can get short or long term disability or even the Family Leave Act to give you time to forcus and rest to work on getting an attorney then try to do that or at least look into it.

Do you belong to a church? There is support there. If you are in any way affliated with one I would suggest you get help there. There is also the Salvation Army, they have support groups. Community mental health and even the local crisis line can give you places to go to get HELP now. Do not wait until you are too sick to get what you need.

You are in my prayers and thoughts. The disolution of a marriage is an awful reality, but you need to take responsibility because things will not change with just talk. Call in sick to work and get a day to organize yourself and list the steps you need to take. Make a decision and get a friend or a professional to help you find your path and get on it.


I was always grateful my Dad passed before my Mom because we would not have been able to help her with her disease because she never left him longer than a few days and he was impossibly mentally ill and never could have helped her. God Bless you. Peg

 

[tammyg]

WOW! KARMA What ever you do, do not move out of the house, tell him too. Maybe move someone into help with the kids , help you and help
with the bills. If you leave the house you kinda of basially give it to him because you left. The more stressed you are , the worse you feel. You need to be around positive people it helps to talk to Ms. Pie (she's funny and has her own lil quarky words)or Edgar. No matter what they seem to be positive no matter how they feel. How dare him. Maybe he should find a support group to see how to handle things like "A MAN"
Does he really think you asked for all this? Don't worry you know what they say, what comes around........Stay positive things will turn around one way or the other, the last thing you need is stress, just tell him to go, you have enough on your plate to deal with, without some little baby crying poor me. He needs to grow up and handle the situation and be a man.