Intimate or not intimate?

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tjpagel

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Joined
Apr 21, 2011
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3
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
06/1997
Country
US
State
Texas
City
Fairfield
I have been diagnosed with ALS for fourteen years now. My wife and I have been separated for four years, off and on. I live in a nursing home for that time. I need to be intimate with my wife, but she doesn't want to. She had a hysterectomy about twelve years ago, not on HRT(hormone replacement therapy.) We haven't been intimate since I haven't been able to do anything my self.
I was wondering if anyone has the same problem as I have? I have tried just about everything I could think of! Still to no avail!?
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She's had a Hysterectomy. She has no HRT. She doesn't care about s e x! Sorry!

That doesn't mean she has no feelings for you (love), just that she has no "feelings" in that area! AHEM!
 
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Hmm...that's a toughie. All women are different in that area. Our biggest sex organ is the brain as a rule. As far as I can tell with guys, not so much the brain as other part(s). She might be having problems psychologically with your ALS or her hysterectomy. It's hard to say. Are you and she good friends? Do you like each other? Are you in love with each other? Like I said, it's different for everyone.
 
It is just about impossible to separate the caregiving and intimacy. The caregiving is so personal and intense, that it is hard to imagine the intimacy anymore, much less act on it. I feel horrible about it, but that doesn't change the lack of desire after a long day of caregiving.
 
Very well said Missy, I feel the same way. My husband doesn't have the issue or "block" that I have unfortunately. I hate that we don't have that anymore and hate even more that he desires it. I just can't bring myself to that again - things are so different now. I love him so much, but that is another part of our marriage that ALS has stolen.
 
Just don't copy this to Face Book; ok? ....LOL

For me the side affects of my anti-depressant are a problem in our situation. I have to take a 2-3 day break off my Lexapro or there is no happy ending possible.

I can also see that as things progress, the romance is easy to loose. Kinda sucks eh?

- Jerry
 
...so do you do anything about it? Or do you not?
Its gotten to where I go looking for it elsewhere? Close and far, internet or friends!
 
are you interested in your marriage working or just getting laid? theres a huge difference. there can be intimacy without sex. maybe theres a happy medium the two of you could find? if youre interested in your mairriage working, look at it this way- should your wife up and go elsewhere because you cant take the trash out anymore? no. this is something that is really hard to deal with. so many things come into play here. but if its truly because of her own health issues, you shouldnt run elsewhere unless its ok for her to do the same when she need something you can no longer do.
 
Good answer, Liz!
 
This is pretty much addressed in another thread... very well covered... I forget the title.
 
If it's that important to you, get it where you can. I doubt your wife would mind! She would probably be happy for you!
 
Personally, I've offered old girlfriends money.
 
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