When will the picture change?

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KinzaDAF

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Jul 30, 2009
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151
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Loved one DX
Country
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State
Illinois
City
Naperville
Hello everyone. I haven't posted for quite a while,since losing my dad in March. (I do visit the forum from time to time and read the threads, but it is just so painful still. I have tears running down my face right now.) What I'd like to know is when I will stop thinking of Dad's last months when I remember him and not the dad I knew all my life.(Before he had ALS.) Now, whenever I think of him the images in my mind are painful ones, where he has ALS, and all the anguish on his part and mine, as he spent his last few months. (He had a very fast-paced course of the disease.) It hurts so much that I try not to think of him too much because of the images that come into my mind. When will I just remember Dad in a "normal" way? With every memory, the ALS intrudes. This Thanksgiving, all I'll remember is last year, when Dad sat in another room, unable to eat, while the rest of us talked and ate. It's just so sad. Please, to whoever has gone through this, how long till I just remember Dad and not Dad suffering with ALS?

Debbie
 
Debbie, sorry I can't answer your question but I did want to say Hi and to let you know that I'm thinking of you and your dad and still wear the bracelet.

Barry
 
Debbie, I'm just sending you a hug. I'm so very sorry. I can only say that regarding other kinds of death, the loved one is profoundly mourned, it seems for especially the first year. The first Thanksgiving, the first Christmas, etc. Time softens the impact, while the earlier memories increasingly return (I lost my mother at the end of last November and talked about this very thing very recently with my Dad.) I wish for your pain to soften and for increasingly good memories to return.
 
Hi Debbie,

It has been just over a year since I lost my Dad. To use your analogy, the pictures are mixed. In some, I see him as he was in the months before he died. He died within 6 months of diagnosis so my memories of him as ill are shorter than yours. Others are the happy memories that fill me with pride and fortune in having been loved by him.

It seemed like as a family we felt duty bound to mark each event in the first year as the "first time without Dad to...." If felt like something we just had to get through. By no means were my feelings miraculously better at the one year mark but I felt stronger in the time that passed.

While I miss him terribly and still have tearful moments nearly every day (I can't listen to Miranda Lambert's song "The House That Built Me" without crying), it is getting better.

I am hopeful and happy and it does not hurt as much. It will get better for you too.

Thinking of you.
From one daughter to another,
Dana
 
Debbie... I lost my dad to Alzheimer's... I can tell you that while it takes a while, you do eventually remember the "real" person, just be patient with yourself. When you're ready, look at pictures of things you did together, watch videos if you have them.. it will help. and mostly.. just give yourself time to heal!
 
Thank you so much everyone. It's so great to be able to talk to people who understand. Getting through this first year of "firsts" is going to be hard but I am thankful to have you all to help me through.

Debbie
 
it is much much to soon yet to hope for release from the pain you are sufferring. IT takes years. But try to think that IF there is an after life of any kind, then the way you are linked with him may be important. It may be important to let go of the horror so that he too can advance. Use your anguish positively inf=doing ssomething to help other people who are sufferring now that you yourself understanad the process so much more deeply/
I send you love and sympathy and hope. Those others of us who have been through such loss can tell you truly that one day you will be able to think freely of your father, though that twist of pain will never leave. Look OUTWARD as much as possible to those who need you now, and kkeep your eyes from turning inward to your own pain
Much much love
Irismarie
 
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