I am so sad and so torn

[outofwit]

Hello,

I have been browsing this forum but this is my first post. My Grandmother (who I love so so dearly) is just a few hours away from passing on. I am trying to muster the courage to get in my car and drive to her house to spend these last few minutes with her but I don't think I can handle seeing her that way. I know she wouldn't think it was necessary for me to be there. I just don't know what I should do... I don't feel like I can think straight. I love her so much, she has been more than just a grandma, she has been my friend and rock many times and I don't want to let her down. I wish this would go away, this disease is so awful, I hate what it has done to so many beautiful minds.

 

[irismarie]

If it is not too late, go.

 

[brooksea]

Please, do go!

 

[joelc]

I agree, if it is not too late - go.

 

[JeffP]

i agree to i would go it will be very difficult but it would be assurance to her of of your love im so sorry jeff

 

[pepsiman]

Everyone's experience is different, but I would think taking the opportunity to say goodbye would beat the regret of having missed it.....

 

[abbas child]

Agree wholeheartedly with all the comments above. You'll be thankful for having visited. And I'm so very sorry for this to be happening.

 

[handinhand]

I hope you do decide to go see you grandMa? I know how sad you are and it will be hard.I think she would love to know that you came to tell her goodby...I truly think the experience will help you with letting go and even more that you let your grandma know that you want her to go to the other side where she will have no more pain and suffering? Big big hugs sent you way today. Linda

 

[luvnmm]

I really hope you decided to go. Please keep us posted on how things are going, and know that we are all hear for you.

Peace be with you,

 

[Blubear]

Oh so sorry you are having to go through this, but if you dont go, you may never forgive yourself. Please keep us posted.
Hugs, Blubear

 

[SMillheiser]

Your grandmother has been suffering for years and you don't have the "courage" to say goodbye? You call this a matter of courage? Are you serious? You say you "love her so much"? I would move mountains to say goodbye to someone I love. You "don't know what to do"? Please spare us the agony of such a choice. Who among us would even think of choosing? I'm sorry for being so harsh. Grow up and learn to feel compasssion for someone other than your self.

 

[TedH5]

I hope you decide to go...you will never regret going but if you don't you never know and while it may be hard it is the right thing to do. Be there with and for your Grandmother.

 

[irismarie]

Hey, Stu, that WAS a bit harsh. A young person with no experience of death has a certain fear, too, you know, of the presence of death itself.
I have made the same mistake in my past and I know how I am paying for it ever since

 

[SMillheiser]

Iris,

I apologize for the tone of my post, but my experiences force me to look at this from a different perspective.

I have a family I've been helping for a while. Danielle, the mom, was diagnosed when her daughter Brittany was 14. She is now at her end stages and it is a horrible thing to see. At 16 Brittany dropped out of HS to be her mom's full time care giver. She now goes to school over the internet. She toilets her mom, feeds her, has to sleep with her etc.. etc.. etc... She is now 17 and she has been her mom's primary care giver since she was 14. Mom only has, at best, a few months left. Brittany has gone from an extremely attractive young teen to a gaunt skeleton with sunken eyes. She looks like an old lady. Finally, a few weeks ago, the stress became too much and she fell into a deep clinical depression. ALSGA has arranged for psychiatric help, but we have to drag the poor kid to get her there. She still insists on caring from her mom, fulltime. That has been her life since the age of 14.

Ten miles away I have another family. Dad is trached has a feeding tube etc. Since she was a freshman in HS, his daughter Ashley sets her alarm to wake up every two hours all night long to turn him. She then has to leave for school at 6:30. Her weekends are dedicated to helping mom with dad.

I've yet to her either child complain. This is just the tip of the iceberg. I realize that people in the ALS community need me to support, not criticize. I apologize. But please understand how things look from my perspective.

Stu

 

[Aleta]

I wish I had been there for Charlie when he passed away. It saddens me to no end that he had no one there. Do not get me wrong I know that God was with him and I cherish this thought. If I had to do over I would be there.