Old 07-15-2006, 07:47 AM #1 (permalink)
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Default Okay I'm kinda mad and I don't like it

Hey guy's and gal's

Here's the thing I'm mad about My mom Arlette died June 19th of this year and to tell you the truth her friends pretty much dropped her like a hot potato as soon as mom well couldn't be mom anymore.

They didn't phone her.
They didn't phone me (I phoned them a couple of times)
They didn't visit her

I know mom couldn't talk, but dang she could write.....she could have good conversations with people.
These are people she knew for about 30 yrs ! not just a day or two
Well now mom died.
The obit was in the paper for one day, but I knew that these people saw it.

no phone call, no card nothing
so I thought to myself .....maybe they didn't see it......although I knew they did.
so a couple of weeks go by and I thinking should I phone or shouldn't I phone.

Well I phoned
They did know mom passed away and oh how they cried when they read it in the newspaper.....I just said well I just wanted to make sure they saw it and to have a good day and all that other crap. I could just see my ma when i hung up the phone saying to me.... told ya so.
Well sorry this is so long and all I just wanted to tell you I'm mad and I don't like.....so I'll just be happy!
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Sandra
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Old 07-15-2006, 08:25 AM #2 (permalink)
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Dear Sandra,
Yes, be happy. In the midst of your grief, you can know that you did everything you could for your mom.
If her friends did not visit her, it was their loss in not getting to help your Mom when she needed them. I have a few close friends who visit and it helps me and them.
On the other hand, I had a friend with ALS a few years ago and every day now I regret that I did not spend more time with her, but I just did not know how to act or what to say, or if she wanted me there. That is no excuse, I know that now.
Don't let this eat at you. Your Mom would not want that.
Savor the good memories instead.
Hugz and prayers, Leah
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Old 07-15-2006, 04:44 PM #3 (permalink)
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Hi Sandra. Sorry a bunch of insensitive basta_ds upset you when you are dealing with the grief of losing your mom. I've found out over the years that there are a lot of people that will call you their friend but when the chips are down you are on your own. Sometimes even family can do that too. Hope I'm not sounding bitter but that's just part of life. Obviously you are strong enough to deal with it. Good for you. Shame on them.
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Old 07-15-2006, 07:30 PM #4 (permalink)
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Sandra,

I am so sorry your mom's friend abandoned her during her final days. It is their loss!
People don't really know how to respond and deal with this kind of disease. It is easier for them to put it out of their mind! Not the right answer, but that is human nature. A disease like this, and watching a friend waste away with it, puts them in touch with their own mortality - most people cannot deal with this so run from it.

Once a disease, like ALS, hits someone you know a person realizes it could happen to then and get scared.

I am sorry for your loss - forgive them and remember the good times with your mom! i hope they were precious!

Thanks for sharing,

Joel
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Old 07-15-2006, 11:04 PM #5 (permalink)
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Sandra I am sorry for your loss. I feel the same way you do sometimes. I had friends that I thought would be there also but are not. Sometimes it feels like you are out on island all alone. It breaks my heart to know that when you need family and friends they start to disappear when you need them the most. I have thought about this alot and here is what I feel. Why is it that complete strangers will reach out when you are sad or in pain. If I was walking down the street seen someone fall down I would go over and see if I could help that person. I would not walk by without trying to help. How can friends and family walk away when you need them the most. I realize they are in pain too but they have to think about what the person who is ill feels like. This illness is horrible. I cannot describe this pain to anyone. Watching my loved one suffer is heartbreaking. I had one person say to me I have been so busy I could not call for a while. You know I understand that but truly how much effort would it take to send a little note just to say hello. If one cannot call due to feeling scared or uncomfortable then why not just send a little something. Many people would be amazed at how a warm hug through words can help another human being. It only takes a moment to show you care. What I do is those who are truly caring and are there for us I show them how much we truly appreciate them. Those who have forgotten or pushed it out of their minds I just say how sad how truly very very sad.

hope.
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Old 07-18-2006, 07:57 PM #6 (permalink)
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Sorry to hear about your Mom. I think with all illnesses you see this. We to have lost friends, but my best friend said she would always be there for us and since moving 10 miles away, to a larger town where she does shop, I have not seen her since we moved. Did see her at Zehrs one day I personaly had nothing to say to her. I agree words of wisdom are no lost no gain, as I know I would not have done that to her in the reverse situation, as I know my husband is getting weaker, but our friendship could have helped me get threw this, with old stories with laughter and a cup of coffee.
Not to sound bitter, I think I now know who my close and true friends are, just as you have found out, just let it go and remember the ones who helped you most.
All the best.
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Old 07-20-2006, 02:57 PM #7 (permalink)
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Hi Guys. Someoe sent me this today and I thought it would fit in here nicely. Don't worry about sending it to 5 friends. I think I already invoked the curse.
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to
ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably
more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so
remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best
friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry
because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you
love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've
never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute
of happiness you'll never get back. So send this to all of your friends
(and me) in the next 5 minutes and a miracle will happen tonight

Don't be afraid that your life will end,
be afraid that it will never begin.
~anonymous~
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Old 07-22-2006, 08:07 PM #8 (permalink)
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Default What a great guy!

I love you, Grampal.
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Old 07-22-2006, 09:08 PM #9 (permalink)
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Default Al, That was perfect!

Hi everyone:

Al, that was perfect as always. I think I will print it and read it often to remind myself of it.
I have heard alot of people talk about friends not calling and drifting away during illness and really find it hard to believe. I am sure that there are people out there that just aren't strong enough to deal with such pain, and like "Hope" says, it is extremely painful. Sometimes, I would just rather crawl into a hole and never come out than have to deal with all of the extreme pain and sadness I feel watching what is going on to my best friend and her family. I understand that. We are lucky that Gail has a great bunch of friends and family that are lining up to come and help her and hug her. I hope that doesn't change. In our situation, We have not just Gail to worry about but helping her to raise her three young children as well.

I hope all of you suffering with ALS have a close circle of family and friends to hug you and make you laugh as much as possible.

barb
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Old 07-23-2006, 12:47 AM #10 (permalink)
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Careful ladies, Lee will be getting jealous with all this nice attention I'm getting.
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